Dear and the Headlights was an Indie-Rock band from Tempe/Chandler, Arizona… Read Full Bio ↴Dear and the Headlights was an Indie-Rock band from Tempe/Chandler, Arizona.

Joel Marquard (guitarist and keyboardist) and Ian Metzger (lead vocals and acoustic) started playing together in roughly 2002. Marquard convinced Metzger that they needed to start a band, but Ian was reluctant due to a somewhat negative experience with the Christian band called Justifide he co-founded in 1999. He finally gave in and Marquard quickly found PJ Waxman, who initially, started out playing drums for the band until they realized what a talented guitar player he was. PJ is also known for voicing the character of "Plucky", which is Ducky's little sister in the animated film "The Land Before Time", though it didn't make it into the film officially. Despite the film's success, PJ felt his calling was in music. Once PJ took the role of guitarist, DATH were still left without a drummer and bass player. They tried out several people but nothing worked. Joel received a phone call from an old friend and former band mate named Chuckie Duff who played bass and had recently bought some recording equipment that he wanted to try out. So that next day he came over and recorded three songs (Sweet Talk, Daysleeper, Run in the Front.) The songs were successful but Ian was burnt out on trying to find people for the band, and determined to move to California. Duff kept listening to the demo and fell more and more in love. He was determined to not let them give up. He called Marquard and offered to play bass and promised him they'd find a drummer. Ian decided to give it a shot. Duff was right and Marquard found drummer Mark Kulvinskas through an ad on Craigslist. So Joel, PJ, Duff and Mark practiced the songs with Ian still in California, and got them down. Chuckie booked a show at Borders Bookstores and flew Ian down. He met the drummer, they practiced with Ian and played that night. Several more shows were played like this and Ian decided to move back. The decision was made to make an album famed Arizona record producer, songwriter of The Go Reflex and former keyboardist of The Ataris, Bob Hoag. Near the album's completion, the band started talking to, and eventually signing a contract with the popular indie label, Equal Vision Records. Small Steps, Heavy Hooves was critically acclaimed, and the band grew to a much higher status through endless touring with major label bands such as Jimmy Eat World, Paramore, The Plain White T's, and Motion City Soundtrack. Marquard left the band in September 2007 due to the heavy touring schedule and Robert Cissell was an obvious choice to replace him. They completed several more laps around the country and recorded Drunk Like Bible Times in early 2008. In September 2009, bassist Chuck Duffie left the group in order to "focus on graduate school and his studio." He was replaced by Patrick Taylor in January 2010. Unfortunately the band decided to part ways in July of 2011 to pursue separate ambitions.

I'm Not Crying. You're Not Crying Are You?
Dear and the Headlights Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

Did the seesaw nights put their hands on you?
I can't really say, I can't really say

Are you swinging from the eaves in a tasteful noose?
I can't really say, I can't really say

You're following a flashlight down utility halls
And then you mumble to yourself that this has all been your fault

And oh you're not laughing, you're not laughing are you?

And now some local loser with a tape and badge
Wants you to answer from the list of pointless questions to ask
And no he's not sincere, you're not sincere are you?

Then the howls and moans pour from the black
And it's a sea of blank faces straight to the back
Aggressively mediocre in every single way
Yet you're the only reason that they came

So if you had to keep singing then singing should be fine
And if it ain't what you had pictured
Yeah that sounds about right

Does it matter much to me to mean a thing to you?
I can't really say, I can't really say

They blather incessantly, every drossy last one
And then they clamor for attention vomiting opinions
But oh you weren't asking, you're not asking are you?

Ain't it hard when you discover that the only thing you've ever loved is passing your hat
And anything that's got a pulse is doing just the same
And you're the only reason that you came

So if you have to keep singing, then singing should be fine
And if it ain't what you had pictured then yeah that's about right

Said if you have to keep singing, then singing should be fine
And if it ain't what you had pictured then yeah that sounds about right

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Dear and the Headlights's song "I'm Not Crying. You're Not Crying Are You?" explore themes of self-doubt, insecurity, and the pressures of performing for others. The opening lines ask if the "seesaw nights," or tumultuous emotions, have taken a toll on the subject. The repetition of "I can't really say" suggests that the subject is uncertain about their own emotions and experiences. The next line, "Are you swinging from the eaves in a tasteful noose?" introduces ideas of self-harm and suicide, implying that the subject may be struggling with these thoughts.

The chorus contrasts the subject's inner turmoil with their public performance. People are listening to the subject sing, yet the lyrics ask, "oh you're not laughing, you're not laughing are you?" This suggests that the subject feels like they are not living up to the expectations of their audience. The song continues with descriptions of the subject being interrogated by a "local loser with a tape and badge" who asks "pointless questions." This could represent the pressure to give interviews or engage with fans, even when the subject doesn't feel up to it. The final verse suggests that the subject's love for music is the only thing keeping them going, even if they feel like they are just "passing their hat" to other people.

Overall, the lyrics of "I'm Not Crying. You're Not Crying Are You?" paint a picture of someone who is struggling with their own emotions and trying to navigate public expectations. The song speaks to the pressure that artists can feel to perform and be "on" all the time, even when they are struggling with their own mental health.

Line by Line Meaning

Did the seesaw nights put their hands on you?
Did the unstable nights have an effect on you?

Are you swinging from the eaves in a tasteful noose?
Are you considering a dignified end to your pain?

You're following a flashlight down utility halls And then you mumble to yourself that this has all been your fault And oh you're not laughing, you're not laughing are you?
You're wandering aimlessly, blaming yourself for your problems, and feeling no joy.

And now some local loser with a tape and badge Wants you to answer from the list of pointless questions to ask And no he's not sincere, you're not sincere are you?
A disingenuous authority figure is interrogating you with meaningless questions, and you're not being truthful with him.

Then the howls and moans pour from the black And it's a sea of blank faces straight to the back Aggressively mediocre in every single way Yet you're the only reason that they came
You're performing for a room full of unimpressed people who only showed up because of you.

So if you had to keep singing then singing should be fine And if it ain't what you had pictured Yeah that sounds about right
If performing is your only option, you should embrace it even if it's not what you envisioned.

Does it matter much to me to mean a thing to you? I can't really say, I can't really say
I'm not sure if your opinion of me matters to me.

They blather incessantly, every drossy last one And then they clamor for attention vomiting opinions But oh you weren't asking, you're not asking are you?
People talk too much and always want to be heard, but you're not interested in their opinions.

Ain't it hard when you discover that the only thing you've ever loved is passing your hat And anything that's got a pulse is doing just the same And you're the only reason that you came
It's difficult when you realize that the only thing you enjoy is making money, and everyone else is just as desperate. You're the only one who benefits from your performance.

So if you have to keep singing, then singing should be fine And if it ain't what you had pictured then yeah that's about right Said if you have to keep singing, then singing should be fine And if it ain't what you had pictured then yeah that sounds about right
Again, if you have no other choice but to perform, you should learn to be content with it even if it's not what you wanted.

Contributed by Charlie A. Suggest a correction in the comments below.

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