So Many Nights
E.Town Concrete Lyrics

So many nights I prayed
I continually prayed that this cycle of violence would end.

That this would just stop,
I hoped that the violence would cease and that peaceful solutions would be found.

I woke out of my sleep from A sound of a popped lock
The sound of a lock popping awakened me and filled me with fear.

My heart would drop to the ground
My heart was filled with dread at the thought of what was to come.

Maybe the fact that my pops wasn't around
Perhaps the reality of my father's absence contributed to my circumstances.

Forced you to found these guys
You felt compelled to associate with a group of violent people.

That would just knock you down
These people were quick to use violence against others.

Or beat you around.
They would also physically abuse people.

I don't know.
I cannot say for sure why this happened to me.

My innocence was lost back then,
As a child, I saw things and experienced things that I should not have to.

Not to be found.
I have struggled to regain my sense of innocence and trust in the world.

And in a sense it's like this world
This world feels like it is against me and brings me down.

Was just weighing me down,
It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

Leaning it's weight hard on my shoulders,
The pressure and responsibilities of life have become more than I can bear.

Making my heart less warm and much more colder,
The hardships I have faced have left me feeling cold and unfeeling.

A chip off my tooth and a chip on my shoulder.
I have been hardened by my experiences and am always ready for a fight.

I told y'all that I don't play,
I have shown that I am not to be messed with.

I've seen that drama every goddamned day.
I have witnessed and experienced violence and chaos constantly.

So go ahead, yap away,
You can talk all you want, but it won't affect me anymore.

'cause now you got a lot to say.
Those who doubted me or underestimated me can now see what I have accomplished.

Cast your judgements,
Others may judge me, but I know what I have lived through and overcome.

Cast all your stones.
Others may try to tear me down, but I won't be broken.

Holding my hand, holding on
I am desperately trying to hold on to the things that matter to me.

To everything I have
The few things in life that I can feel good about.

'cause it's slipping away so fast.
I fear that these good things will be taken away from me at any moment.

I was like six then,
I was a young child when all of this started.

We ain't have a pot to piss in,
We were very poor and struggled to make ends meet.

While most kids lives consist of shine
Other children had a much easier and more comfortable life.

And glisten,
Their lives were filled with joy and positivity.

Mine was lined with mischief.
My life was filled with trouble and danger.

A boy flipping, devoid of times
I was a reckless boy with no sense of time or responsibility.

You find joy in reminiscing.
Others may look back on their childhood with happiness and comfort, but I cannot.

It's like time was missing,
It feels like time passed me by during those dark years.

Years was passing,
Time was moving forward, regardless of my pain and struggles.

I was inside while kids
Other children were able to enjoy their childhood and freedoms.

Was outside laughing.
While I was stuck inside, unable to participate in normal childhood activities.

No time for games,
I had to grow up quickly and take on responsibilities that most children do not have.

Their fake toy planes was crashing
Their superficial pretend play held no value when compared to the turmoil in my life.

While me?
Meanwhile, I was struggling to survive each day.

My life was crashing.
My life was filled with turmoil and chaos.

At night fist fights left
Violent fights and arguments would happen regularly, particularly at night.

My mom's face smashed in,
My mother was brutalized and beaten repeatedly.

Her ass blasted,
The violence against my mother was especially horrific.

Threw her down a flight of stairs,
My mother was physically thrown down a staircase.

Alone and scared I stared
I was helpless to protect my mother and could only watch in fear.

At eyes of a man who didn't care,
My father was completely indifferent to the pain and suffering he caused.

My father was never there.
My father was completely absent from our lives.

Now I am prepared for this lifetime that's unfair.
I have learned to face life's challenges head-on, even when they seem insurmountable.

This life I fight from the bottom to the top.
I have had to struggle and fight for every inch of progress I have made.

This life I had to fight for all that I got.
I have had to fight for everything I have, and I am proud of what I have achieved.

It hurts but I still won't stop till my casket drops.
It has been painful, but I will continue to fight until the very end of my life.