Watching the Detectives
Elvis Costello Lyrics

Nice girls, not one with a defect
He is observing the women around him and is attracted to a particular beautiful woman.

Cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct
He is expressing his awe of a woman's perfect, put-together exterior that seems too good to be true.

Red dogs under illegal legs
He is describing a woman who wears short skirts or shorts and high heels in a way that draws attention to her legs.

She looks so good that he gets down and begs
He is exaggerating his attraction to a woman by suggesting that he would do anything for her, even beg on his knees.

She is watching the detectives
He switches from describing his attraction to a woman to narrating a scene of someone else, perhaps the woman he is attracted to, watching detectives.

Ooh, he's so cute
She is commenting on the attractive appearance of a detective.

When they shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot
She is excited by the action on her television screen, and uses repetition to emphasize the rapid firing of gunshots.

They beat him up until the teardrops start
She is describing a violent scene where the detectives are beating up someone until they cry.

But he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart
There is a sense of cynicism in this line as it implies the person being beaten up has no emotions left and cannot feel pain.

Long shot at that jumping sign
He switches back to narrating his own experience, describing seeing a sign from far away.

Invisible shivers running down my spine
He is affected emotionally by what he sees and feels a chill down his spine, but it is not visible to others.

Cut to baby taking off her clothes
Another scene change, this time to a woman undressing.

Close-up of the sign that says, "We never close"
He zooms in on the sign that implies the establishment is always open, suggesting the illicit nature of what is happening inside.

He snatched at you and you match his cigarette
He is describing a situation where a man grabs a woman and they make eye contact while he lights a cigarette.

She pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnet
He describes the magnetic effect a woman has on men, specifically the way she seems to get them to look at her.

I don't know how much more of this I can take
He is at his breaking point with the events he has been describing and reaching his emotional limit.

She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake
He describes a woman going about her everyday grooming habits while something nefarious is happening outside which shows a lack of empathy.

You think you're alone until you realize you're in it
He feels like he is alone but then later notices that not only is he part of what is happening, but he is also being watched.

Now fear is here to stay, love is here for a visit
He describes the mixed emotions of fear and love in a situation where they coexist but cannot both be felt equally.

They call it instant justice when it's past the legal limit
He criticizes the system, which often turns a blind eye to something until it reaches a crisis point and then labels it 'instant justice.'

Someone's scratching at the window, I wonder who is it?
He is describing the feeling of being watched and how that can escalate into paranoia if someone or something is perceived to be trying to make contact with him.

The detectives come to check if you belong to the parents
He returns to describing a detective and his actions, this time in the context of a missing person's case.

Who are ready to hear the worst about their daughter's disappearance
He describes the heartbreaking situation of parents, hoping for the best for their child but fearing the worst in a case of a missing person.

Though it nearly took a miracle to get you to stay
He switches back to his personal experience, describing how he felt fortunate to have caught the woman's attention and kept it.

It only took my little fingers to blow you away
He uses a metaphor to describe how easily he could lose the woman he was chasing, emphasizing how fickle their connection really was.

Just like watching the detectives
He repeats this line, emphasizing how much everything he sees and experiences feels like it's part of a detective story.

Don't get cute
He warns others around him to take the situation seriously and not to overplay what's happening.

Oh, I get so angry when the teardrops start
He describes his conflicting emotions of feeling anger when others cry even though he may feel emotional on the inside himself.

But he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart
He repeats this line, calling back to an earlier part of the song, to drive home the point that the character cannot emotionally connect.

Watching the detectives
The line is repeated, closing out the song and bringing the themes of observation and detachment full circle.

They're watching the detectives
This part is sung by a group, suggesting that everyone is watching someone else and that observation is a two-way street.

They're watching the detectives
This line is repeated again and emphasizes how pervasive the theme of observation is throughout the song.

Watching the detectives
This final repetition of the song's title closes out the track by driving home that this song is all about watching and observing others.