Slipping To My Knees
Ember Swift Lyrics

Somewhere between this bench and the tabletop,
I find myself lost in thought, staring down at my fraying jeans, between the bench and the tabletop.

Threads that dangle, strangle instensity and there's an absentee thought
The loose threads on my jeans are distracting me from my deep thoughts, and there's a separate thought in my mind that's not fully present.

Swirling outside of my brain.
This absentee thought is lingering outside of my brain, not fully formed or solidified.

If it's anything like an absentee landlord, I am slowly going insane
Just like an absentee landlord neglecting their property, this absentee thought is causing me to feel neglected and is pushing me towards insanity.

And the plaster is coming with me
As I struggle with my thoughts, I can feel the crumbling and decay happening within me, like plaster falling apart.

But I can't let myself go
Despite the decay and instability, I can't give up on myself or let myself fall apart completely.

Because "let" is a word reserved for SHITHOLES like this one
I've associated "letting go" with negative situations or feelings, and refuse to let myself be consumed by them.

Crawl inside me and make your nest.
As I struggle with my thoughts, I allow someone else to be close to me and find comfort in their presence.

You can live here, I'll take a risk.
I'm willing to take a risk and open myself up to someone else, letting them into my inner world.

I'll try my best to understand and to hope that you won't
I'll do my best to understand their perspective and hope that they won't judge or abandon me.

BREAK MY LEASE.
I fear being abandoned or rejected, and hope that they won't break my trust or leave me behind.

Paint and plaster is crumbling, falling with the market value,
As the paint and plaster crumbles around me, I feel a loss of value and worth, like I'm being devalued in the eyes of others.

Peeling surface bare, like flesh in the sun. With you, I feel so exposed
In the company of someone else, I feel exposed and vulnerable, like my surface is being peeled away to reveal what's underneath.

But I guess I am covered, I guess I am insured
Despite feeling exposed, I have some level of protection or security, like I'm covered by my fraying jeans.

I guess I cam covered by these fraying jeans!
My fraying jeans serve as a metaphor for my protection and shelter, even as they come apart.

The paint is falling, the point is slipping, my hems are missing
As everything falls apart around me, I feel like I'm losing control and my grip on reality is slipping away.

And I am wondering what this all means.
In the midst of the chaos and decay, I question the meaning and purpose of it all.

I want so much to ask you for some collateral
I want something tangible from the person near me to signify their commitment or investment in me.

Like the back of your hands, your teeth, your smile.
I look for signs of familiarity or understanding in their physical traits and characteristics.

It has bought you time before. It has bought you time before, I can tell
I've seen this kind of familiarity and commitment from them before, and hope it will continue to work in my favor.

And now I'm SLIPPING TO MY KNEES
As I struggle with my thoughts and emotions, I feel like I'm losing my footing and slipping to my knees.

And not in a sexual way
This loss of control and stability is not a sexual sensation, but rather a feeling of vulnerability and exposure.

No I am not Slipping down to pray
Although it may look like I'm falling to my knees in prayer, I'm actually struggling with my inner turmoil and seeking stability and protection.