Ever
Emilie Autumn Lyrics
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But you take your love
From under my feet
The very moment I arrive
I hold the invitation in my hand
You smile and I don't understand
When you tell me the writing ain't yours
You were the one thing I could count on
Even if your apathy was what I expected
Oh darling I waited and waited to feel your footsteps
And to hear your breath
But maybe I just wanted someone to wait for
[Chorus]
You were ever in my mind
You were behind my soul each time
I held it to the flame
You were ever in my precious thoughts
I'd leave a room of angels
Just to be alone
If only to say your name
I never told you I needed you darling
Like a rose needs the rain
How could you possibly know how much
So I reach for your love
Like the moon and the stars
Ever in my sight
Ever out of touch
There's a spotlight of a holy kind
Think it comes from somewhere
Up in the sky or from some far off lovely place
But this light never ever ever shone on me
At least as far as I could see
So I sat in the dark and I watched you
Now I just cry to myself
When there's no one around
And I teach myself to walk backwards
Out of any given situation
Yes I can be graceful and try
Not to step on my train and
You don't have to say goodbye
But I'll be right here if you want to
[Chorus]
Now I could paint your portrait
If I never saw you again
When I am old someone may ask me
If I ever loved
And I will speak but they won't recognize
My words, they'll say I'm telling lies
And maybe I am
Maybe I am
All I know is
[Chorus]
The lyrics of Emilie Autumn's song "Ever" depict the narrator's feelings of frustration, confusion, and unrequited love. It seems that the narrator has been chasing after a lover who keeps slipping away from her. Despite holding an invitation to meet, the lover never shows up or undermines the narrator's expectations. The narrator expresses her pain and disappointment by saying that she has been waiting for her lover's footsteps and breath, but maybe it was all in her head, and she just wanted someone to wait for. The chorus reinforces the idea that the lover was always on the narrator's mind and in her thoughts, even though they were never really together. The final verse shows that the narrator has accepted that her love may never be reciprocated and that, in hindsight, she may have been fooling herself into thinking that she was ever loved back.
Line by Line Meaning
I've been racing for you honey
I've been in a hurry to be with you
But you take your love
But you withdraw your affection
From under my feet
When I'm at my closest to you
The very moment I arrive
As soon as I see you
I hold the invitation in my hand
I hold your written request to be with you
You smile and I don't understand
You smile and I can't make sense of it
When you tell me the writing ain't yours
When you deny writing the note
You were the one thing I could count on
I relied on you
Even if your apathy was what I expected
Even if it was no surprise when you were indifferent
Oh darling I waited and waited to feel your footsteps
I longed for you to come to me
And to hear your breath
And to hear you breathe near me
But maybe I just wanted someone to wait for
But maybe I just wanted something to look forward to
You were ever in my mind
You were always on my mind
You were behind my soul each time
You were deep inside of me each time
I held it to the flame
I tested it to its very limits
You were ever in my precious thoughts
You occupied my most cherished thoughts
I'd leave a room of angels
I'd depart from the most peaceful setting
Just to be alone
Just to be by myself with you in my thoughts
If only to say your name
If only to whisper your name to myself
I never told you I needed you darling
I never told you how much I needed you
Like a rose needs the rain
Like a rose requires water to survive
How could you possibly know how much
How could you have any idea of how much
So I reach for your love
So I try to obtain your love
Like the moon and the stars
Like the celestial objects in the sky
Ever in my sight
Always visible to me
Ever out of touch
Yet always out of reach
There's a spotlight of a holy kind
There is a divine kind of light
Think it comes from somewhere
I believe it originates from somewhere
Up in the sky or from some far off lovely place
Either from the heavens or an idyllic location far away
But this light never ever ever shone on me
But this light never illuminated me
At least as far as I could see
As far as I was aware
So I sat in the dark and I watched you
So I sat and watched you in the darkness
Now I just cry to myself
Now I only weep in private
When there's no one around
When there's nobody nearby
And I teach myself to walk backwards
And I train myself to walk backwards
Out of any given situation
Out of any circumstance
Yes I can be graceful and try
Yes, I can try to appear calm and collected
Not to step on my train and
To avoid stepping on my gown
You don't have to say goodbye
You don't have to part ways with me
But I'll be right here if you want to
But I'll be here if you decide to stay
Now I could paint your portrait
Now I have the ability to paint your likeness
If I never saw you again
If I never saw you another time
When I am old someone may ask me
In my old age someone might inquire
If I ever loved
If I ever experienced love
And I will speak but they won't recognize
And I'll tell them, but they won't accept
My words, they'll say I'm telling lies
They'll assert I'm not speaking the truth
And maybe I am
And perhaps they are correct
Maybe I am
Perhaps it is true
All I know is
All I'm certain of is
You were ever in my mind
You were always on my mind
You were behind my soul each time
You were deep inside of me each time
I held it to the flame
I tested it to its very limits
You were ever in my precious thoughts
You occupied my most cherished thoughts
I'd leave a room of angels
I'd depart from the most peaceful setting
Just to be alone
Just to be by myself with you in my thoughts
If only to say your name
If only to whisper your name to myself
I never told you I needed you darling
I never told you how much I needed you
Like a rose needs the rain
Like a rose requires water to survive
How could you possibly know how much
How could you have any idea of how much
So I reach for your love
So I try to obtain your love
Like the moon and the stars
Like the celestial objects in the sky
Ever in my sight
Always visible to me
Ever out of touch
Yet always out of reach
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Written by: EMILIE AUTUMN
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Growing up in Malibu, California, she began learning the violin at the age of four and left regular school five years later with the goal of becoming a world-class violinist; she practiced eight or nine hours a day and read a wide range of literature. Progressing to writing her own music, she studied under various teachers and went to Indiana University, which she left over issues regarding the relationship between classical music and the appearance of the performer. Through her own independent label Traitor Records, Autumn debuted with her classical album On a Day: Music for Violin & Continuo, followed by the release in 2003 of her album Enchant.
She appeared in singer Courtney Love's backing band on her 2004 America's Sweetheart tour and returned to Europe. She released the 2006 album Opheliac with the German label Trisol Music Group. In 2007, she released Laced/Unlaced; the re-release of On a Day... appeared as Laced with songs on the electric violin as Unlaced. She later left Trisol to join New York-based The End Records in 2009 and release Opheliac in the United States, where previously it had only been available as an import. Currently she is on tour to promote her newest album Fight Like A Girl. She played the role of Painted Doll in Darren Lynn Bousman's 2012 film The Devil's Carnival.