Growing up in Malibu, California, she began learning the violin at the age of four and left regular school five years later with the goal of becoming a world-class violinist; she practiced eight or nine hours a day and read a wide range of literature. Progressing to writing her own music, she studied under various teachers and went to Indiana University, which she left over issues regarding the relationship between classical music and the appearance of the performer. Through her own independent label Traitor Records, Autumn debuted with her classical album On a Day: Music for Violin & Continuo, followed by the release in 2003 of her album Enchant.
She appeared in singer Courtney Love's backing band on her 2004 America's Sweetheart tour and returned to Europe. She released the 2006 album Opheliac with the German label Trisol Music Group. In 2007, she released Laced/Unlaced; the re-release of On a Day... appeared as Laced with songs on the electric violin as Unlaced. She later left Trisol to join New York-based The End Records in 2009 and release Opheliac in the United States, where previously it had only been available as an import. Currently she is on tour to promote her newest album Fight Like A Girl. She played the role of Painted Doll in Darren Lynn Bousman's 2012 film The Devil's Carnival.
If
Emilie Autumn Lyrics
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Wonder how the view is from there
I wouldn't know 'cause I like to sit
Upon the floor, yeah upon the floor
If you like we could play a game
Let's pretend that we are the same
But you will have to look much closer
Than you do, closer than you do
And I'm far too tired to stay here anymore
And I don't care what you think anyway
'Cause I think you were wrong about me
Yeah what if you were, what if you were
And what if I'm a snowstorm burning
What if I'm a world unturning
What if I'm an ocean, far too shallow, much too deep
What if I'm the kindest demon
Something you may not believe in
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep
I know you've got it figured out
Tell me what I am all about
And I just might learn a thing or two
Hundred about you, maybe about you
I'm the end of your telescope
I don't change just to suit your vision
'Cause I am bound by a fraying rope
Around my hands, tied around my hands
And you close your eyes when I say I'm breaking free
And put your hands over both your ears
Because you cannot stand to believe I'm not
The perfect girl you thought
Well what have I got to lose
And what if I'm a weeping willow
Laughing tears upon my pillow
What if I'm a socialite who wants to be alone
What if I'm a toothless leopard
What if I'm a sheepless shepherd
What if I'm an angel without wings to take me home
You don't know me
Never will, never will
I'm outside your picture frame
And the glass is breaking now
You can't see me
Never will, never will
If you're never gonna see
What if I'm a crowded desert
Too much pain with little pleasure
What if I'm the nicest place you never want to go
What if I don't know who I am
Will that keep us both from trying
To find out and when you have
Be sure to let me know
What if I'm a snowstorm burning
What if I'm a world unturning
What if I'm an ocean, far too shallow, much too deep
What if I'm the kindest demon
Something you may not believe in
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep
Sleep...
Sleep...
The song "If" by Emilie Autumn seems to be about being wrongly accused of being cruel and unfeeling. The singer is saying that if it makes the accuser feel better by blaming her for their pain, then she doesn't mind. She apologizes for causing pain but states that she has reached the end of her fight and cannot meet the expectations of someone who doesn't fit into her reality. She offers to take the blame and guilt to ease the conscience of the accuser.
The chorus of the song emphasizes the singer's apology for causing pain and bringing the accuser down but states that she cannot fight anymore. She acknowledges that she doesn't know what the accuser really wants from her but knows that she doesn't fit into their reality. The singer questions how any man can be so blind but ultimately offers to take the blame if it makes the accuser feel better.
The song is a reflection of the emotional toll of being wrongly accused and blamed for someone's suffering. The singer is willing to take responsibility if it means easing the pain of the accuser, even if their accusations are unfair. The lyrics offer an insight into the singer's resilience and willingness to bear the burden of someone else's pain.
Line by Line Meaning
If you feel better
If it makes you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
To say that I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
To say that I lack emotion
I don't mind
It doesn't bother me
If it's necessary
If it helps you in a necessary way
If it helps you out
If it benefits you
Crying that I'm heartless
To complain that I'm heartless
It's alright
It's okay
And I'm sorry to cause you so much pain
I'm sorry for causing you pain
And I'm sorry to bring you down again
I'm sorry for disappointing you again
'Cause I've reached the end and I won't fight anymore
Because I'm done fighting and giving up
I don't know what you really want from me
I'm not sure what you expect of me
But I don't fit in your reality
But I don't fit into your version of reality
How can any man be so blind
How is it possible for someone to be so oblivious
If you feel safer
If it makes you feel safer
Keeping to yourself
When you keep everything to yourself
Placing trust in no one
When you don't trust anyone
I won't cry
I won't be upset
If it calms your conscience
If it eases your conscience
Making me the guilty one
Blaming me for things I didn't do
Take my reputation
You can insult my reputation
Ain't worth much
It doesn't hold much value to me
Won't make me sorry 'cause I'm cruel
Being cruel won't make me feel sorry
Won't hurt the feelings I don't have
I don't have feelings for you to hurt
Won't break the heart that isn't there you'll find
You won't find a heart to break, since I don't have one
But if you feel better
But if it makes you feel better
Telling me I'm cruel
To say that I'm cruel
Saying I'm unfeeling
To say that I lack emotion
I don't mind
It doesn't bother me
I don't mind
It doesn't bother me
I don't mind
It doesn't bother me
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Elinaboo
I listened to this on repeat when I was younger. Found it again 2021! Still love her
Andrew Ragland
I'm 54, male, and bipolar. Emilie's work appeals to me for a number of reasons. This particular song has a lot to say about how people form opinions of others and then try to work from handy labels instead of seeing the complexities that are actually there.
The Other Girl
This song was perfect to use as the epilogue, because it provided a “cliffhanger” for Opheliac — that’s there’s a totally different side to her yet to be explored.
MadStrawberryPie
I've always loved this song but this is the first time I can fully, fully identify with the lyrics. It feels so different now. I know no one cares but I'm totally fascinated by how much that changes how I feel about this song.
PetulantKim
I'm 65 yrs old last week. Emilie is much younger than me, but a kindred spirit and a fellow traveler. nuff said!
Gala of the Truth
When we are the original we all know who we really are as trust me we both know who we really are and now I know that together we will find out what the truth behind this truth we can really do because now she knows I have proven more than we have believe we could ever return to I'm pretty sure she will be returning to me very soon because we have been wishing for this to be true and I have seen and done what we use to do long before we were human
omi
Wow
Mysanthropiya
Hope you had a wonderful 70th birthday ❤️
gnvrlnn
I had these lyrics in my head & had to play this song : What if I'm the nicest demon, something you may not believe in. I love this entire song.
Vincenia Annuzzi
Wonder if this was before or after devils carnival