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Never Tasted Tears
by Emilie Autumn

I’ve never tasted tears
Like these before
And though they are the saddest
I have known
Their simple cause is none but
One of joy
For now it seems
I may not be alone
Upon this earth
As I have been ‘til now
A truly unexpected twist of fate
For I had given up
On everyone
Especially myself
And thought it late
Too late
For any soul to cast a line
His hook would hit the ice
And snap in two
But someone blew a kiss
And with his breath
Unfroze
What ne’er a roaring fire could do
An angel now is mine
And from the start
I knew that I was bound to let him in
But while I smile
I weep
Because I know
That something ends
So that this can begin
God, what a fool am I
Or am I wise?
For years have I kept hidden in my heart
The name
Of one who never had been more
But whom I wrote about
And set apart
From other men
Though never did I tell
My feelings, nay
But used him
As a muse
An inspiration
Something to adore
But rarely did I think on what I’d lose
If ever
My affections
Were replaced
By someone living
Breathing
Warm and real
For while I pledged my life
To him in song
The same for me
I knew he did not feel
If I could tell the truth
I’d say I planned
To go on in this fashion
For all time
I didn’t care
He couldn’t care for me
As long as I could own him
In each rhyme
And have someone to think about
Each night
When torment
After torment wracked my soul
To writhe in sorrow
Bathe in pain’s delight
To fill my pages
Was my only goal
Until the day
I dared
To call it love
For this love
Was the only I had known
And somehow
I could keep the rest away
For in my mind
I never was alone
And being thus in love
Though with a specter
I never did expect
Nor wish
Nor care
To take another
In that holy place
Though in my mind
I knew no one was there
Yay, in my mind
But not so in my soul
I loved
I swear I loved
Else why this pain
When of my will
I opened up the door
And swept the space
Where I swore he’d remain
And something dies within me
As I sweep
As something new is born
In every tear
Past years of memories
I long to keep
A future
That I both long for
And fear
There really was no question when it came
This shooting star
Both fire and gentleness
Who never gave me time
To make my choice
But made my will
His own with each caress
For once
And only once
I did not think
Where I should feel
And for that I was proud
But it was one thing to enact the part
And something else
To say the word aloud
For once I had
I felt
A shadow fade
Which over me had hung for all these years
And no true loss
In all the world could match
The sense of someone
Passing
With my tears
I hadn’t known ‘til then
How lost I was
Enveloped in this mist of my design
So much of me
My muse had thus become
That in my eyes
No star was seen to shine
Unless it bore
Some of my phantom’s light
Or carried strains of music in the beams
Until my soul was open to the view
No man could enter
Except in my dreams

It’s over now
And I am not afraid
I know full well
What I am meant to do
But late at night
When I recall my muse
I cry for us
As though he ever knew
That I had waited years
To hear my name
Once spoken
As it should have always been
I’d wait there still
But someone
Real appeared
And stole the heart
No man could hope to win
If to my muse
I’d ever said hello
It might not hurt this much to say
Goodbye
But there is something
Tragic in this scene
Which may appear
As joyous to the eye
Of anyone who witnesses myself
Bound in the arms and lips
Of my new friend
Completed in a way I’ve never been
And healing wounds
I thought would never mend
The truth
That shattered my reality
The soul I dreamed
But never thought I’d meet
And now I don’t look back
Except in dreams
Yet when I do
The pain
Is always sweet
For only pain can show me who I was
And from that girl to me
How much I’ve grown
I’ve never tasted tears
Like these before
And yes
They are the saddest I have known

Contributed by Chloe N. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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