Growing up in Malibu, California, she began learning the violin at the age of four and left regular school five years later with the goal of becoming a world-class violinist; she practiced eight or nine hours a day and read a wide range of literature. Progressing to writing her own music, she studied under various teachers and went to Indiana University, which she left over issues regarding the relationship between classical music and the appearance of the performer. Through her own independent label Traitor Records, Autumn debuted with her classical album On a Day: Music for Violin & Continuo, followed by the release in 2003 of her album Enchant.
She appeared in singer Courtney Love's backing band on her 2004 America's Sweetheart tour and returned to Europe. She released the 2006 album Opheliac with the German label Trisol Music Group. In 2007, she released Laced/Unlaced; the re-release of On a Day... appeared as Laced with songs on the electric violin as Unlaced. She later left Trisol to join New York-based The End Records in 2009 and release Opheliac in the United States, where previously it had only been available as an import. Currently she is on tour to promote her newest album Fight Like A Girl. She played the role of Painted Doll in Darren Lynn Bousman's 2012 film The Devil's Carnival.
On Artistic Integrity
Emilie Autumn Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Every time I place my pen
Upon the page
And form the words
I felt
But couldn’t show ‘til then
And to myself
I beg the question
As one to one
And to another
Someone else?
If I
Afraid
Of what the consequence of stating
Openly my cause might be
When I rant
And rhyme
And reason
Do I write for them
Or me?
I believe there is some merit
In creating for one’s self
But why place before the public
What is best
Left on the shelf?
Though while I write
I do not feel that
What I pen is mine alone
Even this could be misguided
As are many I have known
Who swore, poor souls
That they possessed
The key to man’s mysterious fate
Succeeded in convincing some
But most could tell
They did but prate
On subjects
Touching something vague
Which cannot be unproven, or
In place of content
Speak in tongues
Yet know not whom they’re speaking for
No, I am not deluded so
I do not feel I represent
Some force divine
But still I know
That I shall never be content
To hold my tongue when I would speak
Or change my words to suit the hour
Or pinch a blush upon my cheek
To feign my joy
At love gone sour
I do not wish to disappoint
The faith that others place in me
To lead the way to brighter days
But sometimes dark
Is all I see
I work for good
I toil for hope
No one can question my intent
But even those who listen close
Can often mistake
What I meant
My fear
I’ve come to realize
Is mainly this:
That I am wrong
That my perception is askew
That I write shyte
And call it song
Perhaps I’ll always question thus
Discount my merits
Thoughts
And deeds
‘Tis well
Long as I still go forth
And see where this
My vision
Leads
Strong is she
Who knows her mind
And speaks it
Though she may not please
Fortunate the audience
That hears such honest thoughts
As these
In "On Artistic Integrity," Emilie Autumn explores the dilemma faced by many artists: whether they should create for themselves or for the public. The singer of the song questions their own motives and acknowledges the fear of being misunderstood or criticized for their art. They wonder if they should modify their words to appeal to a wider audience, but ultimately reject this idea, staying true to their own perception and voice.
Autumn uses lyrical language to convey the struggle between personal expression and public reception. The line, "Why do I thus masquerade / As one to one / And to another / Someone else?" highlights the idea that the artist's true self can get lost in the translation to the public. The chorus, "Do I write for them / Or me?" echoes this internal conflict. The song also touches on the paradox of the artist's need for validation and the danger of compromising their integrity for recognition.
Overall, "On Artistic Integrity" is a meditation on the artist's dilemma of staying true to oneself while also creating work that resonates with others. The lyrics are personal and introspective, expressing the complexity of this struggle.
Line by Line Meaning
I toe the line of self-indulgence
I indulge in expressing my own thoughts and emotions, sometimes toeing the line of being self-centered.
Every time I place my pen
Whenever I write, paint or create something new
Upon the page
On the canvas or paper, where I pour out all that I feel
And form the words
And give shape to the thoughts running in my mind
I felt
That I had been holding back for too long
But couldn’t show ‘til then
But was unable to express until that moment
And to myself
And to my own conscience
I beg the question
I question myself
Why do I thus masquerade
Why do I mask my true self?
As one to one
As if I am someone else when I am alone
And to another
And as someone else when among people
Someone else? If I
Is it another person I am trying to be?
Afraid
Am I afraid?
Of what the consequence of stating
Of the reactions I might get when I express my thoughts openly
Openly my cause might be
The cause I am fighting for
When I rant
When I passionately express my thoughts
And rhyme
And use poetry and creative writing to do so
And reason
And resort to logic to give meaning and context to my thoughts and emotions
Do I write for them
Do I write for others or
Or me?
Do I write for myself?
I believe there is some merit
I think it is important to create something for oneself
In creating for one’s self
It is important to create art for one's own sake
But why place before the public
Why must my artwork be displayed publicly?
What is best
Is it the best representation of my work?
Left on the shelf?
Should it be kept private and not shown to the world?
Though while I write
Although while I write something
I do not feel that
I do not feel that it is my own
What I pen is mine alone
And I don't solely own my words
Even this could be misguided
Even my belief in my work could be misguided
As are many I have known
As I have seen with many artists
Who swore, poor souls
Who believed wholeheartedly
That they possessed
That they were in possession of
The key to man’s mysterious fate
The truth behind the fate of humankind
Succeeded in convincing some
And some were somehow convinced
But most could tell
But most could tell that they were bluffing
They did but prate
That they were just talking nonsense
On subjects
On topics
Touching something vague
That were abstract and lacked clarity
Which cannot be unproven, or
That were unprovable or
In place of content
That lacked substance
Speak in tongues
That spoke in an obscure and ambiguous manner
Yet know not whom they’re speaking for
Without knowing who their true audience is
No, I am not deluded so
No, I am not blinded by my ego
I do not feel I represent
I don't believe that I am representing the whole truth
Some force divine
That I am a spokesperson for a higher power
But still I know
But still, deep within me, I know
That I shall never be content
That I will never be fully satisfied
To hold my tongue when I would speak
To stop myself from speaking my mind
Or change my words to suit the hour
Or alter my words to conform to the times
Or pinch a blush upon my cheek
Or pretend to smile in spite of the sadness within
To feign my joy
To pretend to be happy
At love gone sour
When my love has died out
I do not wish to disappoint
I don't want to let people down
The faith that others place in me
Or betray the trust that others have in me
To lead the way to brighter days
To set an example for others
But sometimes dark
But sometimes things feel bleak
Is all I see
And in those moments, darkness is all I can see
I work for good
I strive to do good in this world
I toil for hope
And work hard, hoping that my efforts will pay off
No one can question my intent
I believe that my intentions are pure and good
But even those who listen close
But despite that
Can often mistake
People can easily misinterpret
What I meant
What I was trying to say
My fear
But my greatest fear is
I’ve come to realize
That I have learned
Is mainly this:
What I fear most is this:
That I am wrong
That I am misguided
That my perception is askew
That my way of seeing things is distorted
That I write shyte
That what I write is nonsense
And call it song
And label it as art
Perhaps I’ll always question thus
Maybe I will always have these doubts
Discount my merits
Underestimate my own worth
Thoughts
And undermine my own thoughts and beliefs
And deeds
And the things I do
‘Tis well
But it is okay
Long as I still go forth
As long as I keep moving forward
And see where this
And continue to explore the potential of my
My vision
Creativity and imagination
Leads
And see where it takes me
Strong is she
She is an empowered woman
Who knows her mind
Who has clarity of thought
And speaks it
And is not afraid to speak her mind
Though she may not please
Even if what she says might not always be liked
Fortunate the audience
But those who hear her are fortunate
That hears such honest thoughts
Because they are authentic and real
As these
Just like the thoughts expressed in this song
Contributed by Kennedy S. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
Irene Peeters
This poem is so beautiful, I love it. And the background music is so moving.
Ian Garza
yes Irene, the ,major thirds and minor switches really make a pleasant harmony with the ascending and descending augmented arpeggios of the octotonic scale
UncleBastyPictures
This is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever heard / read. Of course, it helps that EA has the most beautiful speaking voice (& singing voice) in the world.
Skyler Cochran
I am so relatable for this :D!
Tykilover
Isn't that what poetry is? The poet speaking of their thoughts and feelings and ideas? And the reason it sounds like she is talking to us is because she's using enjambment, a technique I have only rarely seen poets not use. Plus I like it that it sounds like she is speaking directly to us; that is the point of this poem, is it not?
Ryan M
DEEP. <3