The Real Slim Shady
Eminem(에미넴) Lyrics

May I have your attention please?
I need everyone's attention.

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I'm looking for the true version of myself.

I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I'm serious, I need the real Slim Shady to come forward.

We're going to have a problem here
If I don't find the real Slim Shady, there will be trouble.

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
You're all acting like you've never seen a person of my race before.

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door
Your reactions are extreme, as if something shocking just happened.

Started whoopin' her ass worse than before, they first get divorced
You're acting like the couple in the news who had a violent altercation after their divorce.

Throwing her over furniture
You're acting like the abusive partner who throws their spouse around.

It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding,
I'm being sarcastic and pretending to be surprised.

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
You are reacting to something I said in a shocked manner.

And Dr Dre said
Dr Dre is about to speak.

Nothing you idiots Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha)
Dr Dre is not here and I'm joking about his absence.

Feminist women love Eminem, chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I'm sick of him
There are women who are feminists and like my music, but I'm tired of hearing about myself in that way.

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what
People are commenting on my behavior and how I grab myself.

Flippin' the you know who "yeah, but he's so cute though"
Despite my behavior, some people still find me attractive.

Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
I admit that I'm not completely mentally healthy.

But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms
My issues aren't any worse than the things that happen in people's homes.

Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't,
I have an urge to express myself on TV, but I'm not able to.

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
People find it acceptable for Tom Green to behave strangely on TV.

My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips,
I'm making a crude joke about my private parts being on someone's mouth.

And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss
I'm making a vulgar suggestion about someone performing a sexual act on me.

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
This is the kind of inappropriate content that children are exposed to.

And expect them not to know what a women's clitoris is.
It's unrealistic to think that kids won't know about sexual anatomy.

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is, by the time they hit 4th grade,
Children are going to learn about sex by the time they reach a certain age.

They got the discovery channel don't they?
There are TV channels that will inform children about sex.

We ain't nothing but mammals,
Humans are just another type of animal.

Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
There are humans who engage in cannibalism and commit violent crimes.

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
If we can engage in sexual activities with dead animals, why can't two men be in a relationship?

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
There's no logical reason for same-sex couples not being allowed to get married.

But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote.
If you agree with me, I have the solution.

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
Women, join me in singing the chorus.

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
I am the true version of myself, Slim Shady.

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
All other versions of Slim Shady are just imitations.

So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
I'm still looking for the true version of myself to come forward.

Please stand up,
I need you to stand up and reveal yourself.

Please stand up
I'm asking you again to stand up.

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
I am the true version of myself, Slim Shady.

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Will Smith doesn't need to use curse words to sell his music.

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too.
I use curse words in my music, so I don't care about Will Smith or anyone who objects to it.

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
I don't care about winning a Grammy award.

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me.
Many music critics don't even like me or my music.

"But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?"
Someone is asking me if I would find it strange to win a Grammy award.

Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here?
Are you asking me that question just because you want to play mind games and lie?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears.
Is the reason you're asking me this question so I can sit next to Britney Spears at the Grammys?

Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
I'd rather sit next to Christina Aguilera than Britney Spears.

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
I want to sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst and hear them argue about something.

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first.
I want to see them argue over who Christina Aguilera had oral sex with first.

Little bitch put me on blast on M-T-V
Someone insulted me on MTV.

"Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he"
Someone is saying that they think I'm married to Kim and making a joke.

I should download her audio on mp3
I should record her comments and share them with the world.

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D.
I will reveal to everyone how you gave me a sexually transmitted disease.

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me
I'm tired of the constant presence of annoying boy and girl groups.

So I've been sent here to destroy you
I'm here to take down these annoying groups.

And there's a million of us just like me
There are countless others like me who are angry and rebellious.

Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me
There are many others who swear, don't care about anything, and dress like me.

Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing,
There are people who imitate me so closely that they could be the next version of me.

But not quite me
But these people are not me.

I'm like a head trip to listen to
My music is like a psychedelic experience.

'Cause I'm only giving you, things you joke about with your friends
I'm talking about the things that people joke about with their friends.

Inside your living room
This is what you talk about in the privacy of your home.

The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
The difference between me and you is that I have the courage to say these things in front of a crowd.

And I don't gotta be false or sugar coat it at all
I don't have to pretend or be fake.

I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it (rip)
I just say what I want to say, and whether you like it or not, I'm still going to do it (sarcasm).

I just shit it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there
I rap better than 90% of other rappers out there.

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums, it's funny
People are questioning why children are drawn to my music, but I find it amusing.

'Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty
At the pace I'm going, by the time I'm 30...

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
I'll be the only young person in a nursing home, hitting on the old ladies.

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens
I'll be engaging in sexual activities with myself, while also touching the nurses.

And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
I'm masturbating, but I'm not getting as much pleasure as I would like.

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin' he could be workin' at Burger King
There are other rebellious people like me out there, even those working at places like Burger King.

Spitten on your onion rings
They might even spit on your food.

Or in the parking lot circling,
They might be hanging out in the parking lot.

Screaming I don't give a fuck with his windows down and system up
They might be blasting their music and shouting obscenities with their car windows down.

So will the real Shady, please stand up
I'm still searching for the true version of myself to come forward.

And put one of those fingers on each hand up
Once you reveal yourself, I want you to raise your hand in a specific way.

And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
I want you to be confident in your craziness and lack of control.

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
Now, let's sing the chorus one last time as loudly as possible.

Haha, I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us,
I'm joking that there's a rebellious version of everyone.

Fuck it,
I don't care anymore.

Let's all stand up
Everyone, stand up and join me.