Criminal
Eminem Lyrics

A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin' questions
Many people often ask me foolish and unnecessary questions

A lot of people think that what I say on record
Many individuals believe that my lyrics in my songs

Or what I talk about on a record
Or the content I discuss in my music

That I actually do in real life or that I believe in it
Implies that I genuinely engage in those actions or hold them as my beliefs

Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody, that
Or if I express the desire to harm someone, it

I'm actually gonna do it or that I believe in it
Suggests that I will truly carry it out or genuinely hold that belief

Well, shit, if you believe that, then I'll kill you
Well, if you truly believe such things, then I will figuratively 'kill' your ignorance or naive mindset

You know why?
Do you understand the reason behind this?

'Cause I'm a criminal
Because I am seen as a lawbreaker or deviant

Criminal
A repetition to emphasize my criminal identity

You goddamn right
Affirming the accuracy of the previous statement

I'm a criminal
Reiterating my status as a criminal

Yeah, I'm a criminal
Yes, indeed, I am a criminal

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
My lyrics are comparable to a sharp and uneven dagger

That'll stab you in the head, whether you're a fag or les'
Metaphorically speaking, my words will harm and offend you, regardless of your sexual orientation

Or a homosex', hermaph' or a transvest'
Or if you identify as homosexual, hermaphroditic, or a transvestite

Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer's yes
Whether you wear pants or dresses, do you despise homosexuals? If so, the answer is affirmative

Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
You might think of yourself as homophobic, but in reality, you're fearful of heterosexuality

Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulgin'
Examining my jeans and watching my bulged genitals with intent

That's my motherfuckin' balls, you'd better let go of 'em
Those are indeed my testicles, and you should refrain from meddling with them

They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em
My testicles rightfully belong inside my scrotum, and you will never obtain possession of them

"Hey, it's me, Versace, whoops, somebody shot me
Comic exaggeration as if I were the famous designer Versace, jokingly mentioning being shot

And I was just checkin' the mail, get it? Checkin' the male?"
I pretend to be checking my mail, cleverly playing with the phrase 'checking the male' as a wordplay

How many records you expecting to sell
What number of albums do you anticipate selling?

After your second LP sends you directly to jail?
Will your second music album lead you directly to imprisonment?

Come on, relax, guy, I like gay men
Calm down, my friend, I am accepting of homosexual men

Right, Ken? Give me an amen (amen)
Isn't that right, Ken? Give me your agreement or approval (amen)

"Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
A plea to the Lord, asking for the assistance of Jesus for this troubled individual

Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Heal this troubled individual and assist us in eradicating their inner demons

Oh, and please send me a brand new car
Additionally, please grant me a new car

And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital"
Furthermore, I request the services of a sex worker while my spouse is unwell in the medical facility

Preacher, preacher, fifth-grade teacher
Addressing a religious preacher or a teacher from the fifth grade

You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You cannot influence or impact me, and neither can my mother

You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause
You are incapable of teaching me anything substantial because

I watch TV and Comcast cable
I gain knowledge from watching television and subscribing to Comcast cable

And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You are unable to impede or hinder these thoughts I have

You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
You are incapable of preventing me from achieving success and ranking highly on music charts

And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
Furthermore, you cannot impede me from releasing new albums every March

With a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards (duh)
Supplying a fresh CD for these foolish individuals (idiots)

And to think, it's just lil' old me
It is surprising to consider that it is only me, a small and ordinary individual

Mr. Don't-Give-a-Fuck still won't leave
Mr. Don't-Give-a-Fuck, referring to myself, refuses to depart or go away

I'm a criminal
I am a lawbreaker or deviant

'Cause every time I write a rhyme
Because whenever I write a verse or lyrics

These people think it's a crime
Many individuals perceive it as illegal or offensive

To tell 'em what's on my mind
To openly express my thoughts and opinions

I guess I'm a criminal
Therefore, I suppose I can be considered a criminal

I don't gotta say a word
I do not need to verbally communicate

I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
Instead, I simply extend my middle finger as an offensive gesture and carry on

I don't take shit from no one
I refuse to tolerate any form of disrespect or mistreatment from anyone

The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The mother engaged in substance abuse, consuming hard liquor, cigarettes, and amphetamines

The baby came out, disfigured ligaments indeed
As a result, the baby was born with deformed or malformed ligaments

It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
That baby was destined to grow up being just as mentally unstable as the mother

Don't dare make fun of that baby, 'cause that baby was me
Be cautious not to mock that infant, as that baby happens to be me

I'm a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed
I am seen as a criminal, an unruly creature trapped in a cage that has become mentally deranged

But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
However, how can one mature and develop when they were not provided with proper upbringing?

So as I got older and I got a lot taller
As I aged and significantly grew in height

My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
Although my penis reduced in size, my testicles grew larger

I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker
I consume greater amounts of alcohol to intoxicate you more rapidly

Than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin' the word
Beyond what you would desire to harm me in response to the words I utter

My morals went (pft) when the president got oral
My moral principles became insignificant when the president engaged in sexual acts

Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee
Acts of sexual intercourse occurring in the president's office, specifically on his desk, involving one of his staff members

Now, don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
Do not disregard or overlook me; you cannot escape my presence

You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired, and my nose is pointy
You cannot fail to notice me; I possess white skin, blonde hair, and a pointed nose

I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
I portray myself as the antagonist who mocks individuals who have passed away

In plane crashes and laughs as long as it ain't happened to him
I derive amusement from airplane accidents, as long as I am not personally involved in one

Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined
Slim Shady, my alter ego, is as mentally unstable as the combination of both Eminem (my real name) and Kim (my ex-wife)

(The Maniac's in) in place of the Doctor
Referring to myself, the Maniac (Slim Shady), as a substitute for the Doctor (Dr. Dre)

'Cause Dre couldn't make it today
Because Dr. Dre was unable to attend or participate today

He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place
He is feeling slightly ill, which is why I am replacing him

Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Oh, that happens to be Dr. Dre, holding an AK-47 against his own face

Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
Do not force me to harm Dr. Dre as well, violently dispersing his brain matter in all directions

I told you, Dre, you should've kept that thing put away
I warned you, Dre, that you should have kept that weapon concealed and out of sight

I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I suppose this experience will serve as a lesson for you, teaching you to not allow me to handle such items, right?

Alright look, just go up in that motherfucker
Alright, listen carefully, enter that establishment with determination

Get the motherfuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there
Acquire the money rapidly and swiftly depart from the premises

Alright
Affirming agreement or acknowledging the instructions

I'll be right here waitin' on you
I will remain in this location, patiently awaiting your return

Alright
Affirming agreement or acknowledging the statement

Yo, Em
Hey, Eminem

What?
What is it?

Don't kill nobody this time
Please refrain from causing harm to anyone on this occasion

Alright
Affirming agreement or acknowledging the request

Goddamn, this motherfucker gets on my fuckin' nerves
This individual truly irritates and annoys me

Hi
Greetings

How you doin'?
How are you?

How can I help you?
What can I assist you with?

Yeah, I need to make a withdrawal
Yes, I would like to withdraw money from my account

Okay
Acknowledging understanding or compliance

Put the fucking money in the bag, bitch, and I won't kill you
Place the money into the bag, you unpleasant woman, and I will spare your life

What? Oh my God, don't kill me
What? Oh dear, please do not harm me

I'm not gonna kill you, bitch, quit looking around
I have no intention of killing you, stop searching the surroundings anxiously

Don't kill me, I've got two kids at home don't kill me
Spare my life, I have two children waiting for me at home, do not cause them to lose their mother

I said I'm not gonna fucking kill you
I already mentioned that I will not harm or murder you

Don't kill me
Please refrain from causing harm or murder

Hurry the fuck up
Proceed in a swift manner, without delay

Thank you
Expressing gratitude

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it (go, go)
The windows of my vehicle are darkly shaded when I am driving it

So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
Hence, when I commit a bank robbery, I promptly escape and embark on a hasty getaway

So I'll be disguised in it
Therefore, I will be concealed within the vehicle

And if anybody identifies the guy in it
In the event that someone happens to recognize the person inside the car

I hide for five minutes
I conceal myself for a duration of five minutes

Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Subsequently, I return and shoot the individual who witnessed the crime

Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
I open fire at the private investigator who was employed to intrude upon my personal matters

Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets
Perish, you females, males, children, and animals

This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
This insignificant individual is fortunate I have not shot and eliminated him yet

If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
In the hypothetical scenario where I actually cared about something, I would shave my testicles

Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
I would insert my penis between my legs and make clucking sounds like a chicken

You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough
You weaklings are not courageous enough, you cowardly beings

To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
You lack the audacity to express the same things I say, so remain silent and seal your mouths

Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
In fact, half of the things I say are purely fabricated or invented

To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass
My purpose is to anger or provoke you, so go ahead and kiss my exposed white buttocks

And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
If I do not achieve success as a rapper

I'ma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask
I will resort to becoming a rapist who wears a Jason mask, referencing the antagonist from the 'Friday the 13th' film series

I'm a criminal
I am a lawbreaker or deviant

'Cause every time I write a rhyme
Because whenever I write a verse or lyrics

These people think it's a crime
Many individuals perceive it as illegal or offensive

To tell 'em what's on my mind
To openly express my thoughts and opinions

I guess I'm a criminal
Therefore, I suppose I can be considered a criminal

I don't gotta say a word
I do not need to verbally communicate

I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
Instead, I simply extend my middle finger as an offensive gesture and carry on

I don't take shit from no one
I refuse to tolerate any form of disrespect or mistreatment from anyone

I'm a criminal
I am a lawbreaker or deviant

'Cause every time I write a rhyme
Because whenever I write a verse or lyrics

These people think it's a crime
Many individuals perceive it as illegal or offensive

To tell 'em what's on my mind
To openly express my thoughts and opinions

I guess I'm a criminal
Therefore, I suppose I can be considered a criminal

I don't gotta say a word
I do not need to verbally communicate

I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
Instead, I simply extend my middle finger as an offensive gesture and carry on

I don't take shit from no one
I refuse to tolerate any form of disrespect or mistreatment from anyone

I'm a criminal
I am a lawbreaker or deviant

'Cause every time I write a rhyme
Because whenever I write a verse or lyrics

These people think it's a crime
Many individuals perceive it as illegal or offensive

To tell 'em what's on my mind
To openly express my thoughts and opinions

I guess I'm a criminal
Therefore, I suppose I can be considered a criminal

I don't gotta say a word
I do not need to verbally communicate

I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
Instead, I simply extend my middle finger as an offensive gesture and carry on

I don't take shit from no one
I refuse to tolerate any form of disrespect or mistreatment from anyone

I am a criminal
I embody the identity of a lawbreaker or deviant