Headlights
Eminem Feat. Kendrick Lamar Lyrics

Mom, I know I let you down
I am aware that I disappointed you, mom

And though you say the days are happy
Despite you claiming that things are going well

Why is the power off and I'm fucked up?
Why is there no electricity and why am I struggling?

And mom, I know he's not around
And mom, I understand that he is not present

But don't you place the blame on me
But please do not hold me responsible

As you pour yourself another drink, yeah
While you continue to consume more alcohol

I guess we are who we are
I suppose we cannot change who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
I continue to move forward, with headlights illuminating the dark night

Maybe we took this too far
Perhaps we went too far with our actions

I went in headfirst, never thinkin' about who what I said hurt
I approached situations recklessly, without considering how my words would hurt others

In what verse, my mom probably got it the worst
In which part of my lyrics, my mom likely faced the most criticism

The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far?
She bore the majority of the criticism, but did I push it too much, considering our stubbornness?

'Cleaning Out My Closet' and all them other songs
Referring to my song 'Cleaning Out My Closet' and other tracks

But regardless I don't hate you 'cause, ma
But regardless, I do not hate you, mom

You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my mom
You are still a beautiful figure in my eyes because you are my mother

Though far be it from you to be calm
Although it is uncommon for you to be calm

Our house was Vietnam, Desert Storm
Our household resembled the chaos and conflict of Vietnam and Desert Storm

And both of us put together can form an atomic bomb
The combination of our behaviors can create an explosive and destructive situation

Equivalent to chemical warfare
Similar to the harmful effects of chemical warfare

And forever we can drag this on and on
And we can continue this argument indefinitely

But agree to disagree
Let's accept that we have different opinions and cannot find common ground

That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me
The present I gave you under the Christmas tree holds no value to me anymore

You're kicking me out? It's fifteen degrees
You're forcing me to leave the house when it's freezing outside

And it's Christmas Eve, 'Little prick, just leave'
And it's Christmas Eve, saying 'Little prick, simply leave'

Ma, let me grab my fucking coat
Mom, let me get my coat

Anything to have each other's goats
Anything to annoy or provoke each other

Why we always at each others throats?
Why are we constantly arguing with each other?

Especially when dad, he fucked us both
Especially when dad, he harmed both of us

We're in the same fucking boat
We are in the same difficult situation

You'd think that'd make us close (nope)
One would expect that it would bring us closer together (but it didn't)

Further away it drove us, but together headlights shine
Instead, it pushed us further apart, but the headlights still illuminate our path forward

And car full of belongings, still got a ways to go
With a car full of possessions, we still have a long journey ahead

Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road
Returning to grandma's house, which is just up the road

And I was the man of the house, the oldest
I was the one responsible for the household, being the oldest

So my shoulders carried the weight of the load
So I had to bear the burden and responsibility

Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old
Then Nate was removed from our care by the state when he was eight years old

And that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable
That's when it dawned on me that you were ill and the situation was beyond repair or change

And to this day we remained estranged, and I hate it though, but
And to this day, we still have a distant relationship, and I dislike it, but

'Cause to this day we remain estranged, and I hate it though
Because we are still emotionally distant, and I dislike it, though

'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grandbabies grow
Because you haven't even had the chance to see your grandchildren grow up

But I'm sorry, mama, for 'Cleaning Out My Closet', at the time I was angry
But I apologize, mom, for the song 'Cleaning Out My Closet', I was angry back then

Rightfully? Maybe so, never meant that far to take it though
Maybe I had reasons, but I never intended for it to go that far

'Cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
Because now I understand it's not your fault, and I'm not mocking you

That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio
I no longer perform that song at concerts, and I feel embarrassed whenever I hear it on the radio

And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
And I think about Nathan being placed in a care facility

And all the medicine you fed us
And all the medication you gave us

And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but
And how I wanted you to experience the consequences of your own actions, but

Now the medications taken over and your mental states deterioratin' slow
Now the medications have taken control, and your mental state is gradually declining

And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though
And I'm too old to cry, but it still hurts

But, ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
But, mom, I forgive you, and so does Nathan, you know

All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
Everything you did, everything you said, you did your best to raise both of us

Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours
Foster care, the burden you carried, few have an equally heavy load

But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have 'cause
But I love you, Debbie Mathers, oh, what a complicated situation we have

One thing I never asked was where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
One thing I never inquired about was the whereabouts of my deadbeat father

Fuck it, I guess he had trouble keepin' up with every address
Forget it, I suppose he had difficulty keeping track of every address

But I'da flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
But I would have searched under every mattress, every rock, and even desert cacti

Owned a collection of maps, and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
I would have owned a collection of maps and followed my children to the farthest reaches

Someone ever moved them from me
If someone ever took them away from me

That you coulda bet your asses
You could have bet on that with certainty

If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap 'em
If I had to dress as Santa, come down the chimney, and kidnap them

And although one has only met their grandma once
And even though one of them has only met their grandmother once

You pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers
You arrived in our driveway one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers

Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
Me, her, and Nate, we introduced you and hugged you

And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me
And when you left, I experienced this overwhelming sadness

As we pulled off to go our separate paths and
As we drove away, going our separate ways and

I saw your headlights as I looked back
I saw your car's headlights as I glanced behind

And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to
And I'm upset that I didn't have the opportunity to

Thank you for being my mom and my dad
Express my gratitude for being both my mom and my dad

So, mom, please accept this as a tribute, I wrote this on the jet
So, mom, please take this as a tribute, I wrote this while on the plane

I guess I had to get this off my chest
I felt the need to express these emotions

I hope I get the chance to lay it 'fore I'm dead
I hope I have an opportunity to share it before I die

The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashin'
The flight attendant instructed me to buckle up, indicating possible turbulence

So if I'm not dreaming
So, if I'm not in a dream

I hope you get this message that I will always love you from afar
I hope you receive this message expressing that I will always love you, even from a distance

'Cause you're my mom
Because you are my mother

I want a new life (start over)
I desire a fresh start in life

One without a cause (clean slate)
A life without any specific purpose or burden

So I'm coming home tonight (yeah)
So I am returning home tonight

Well, no matter what the cost
Regardless of the consequences

And if the plane goes down
And if the plane crashes

Or if the crew can't wake me up
Or if the crew is unable to revive me

Well, just know that I'm alright
Just know that I am fine

I was not afraid to die
I was not fearful of death

Oh, even if there's songs to sing
Even if there are songs left to be sung

Well, my children will carry me
My children will carry on my legacy

Just know that I'm alright
Just know that I am fine

I was not afraid to die
I was not fearful of death

Because I put my faith in my little girls
Because I trust in my daughters

So I'll never say goodbye cruel world
So I will never bid farewell to this cruel world

Just know that I'm alright
Just know that I am fine

I am not afraid to die
I am not fearful of death