Raised in a Southern Baptist family, she attended church and was involved in choir singing from a young age. In mid 2017, Cain began experimenting with writing, recording and producing her own ethereal style, inspired by Christian music and Gregorian chants. After releasing various mixtapes and EPs on streaming platforms as well as sites like SoundCloud and Tumblr, she adopted a more alternative sound and began using the Ethel Cain moniker in mid 2019. Cain's lyrics focus on nostalgic and Southern Gothic themes, such as poverty, substance abuse, domestic violence, death and transgenerational trauma. Her music has been associated with the ambient, alternative rock and dream pop genres.
In 2022, Cain released her debut studio album, Preacher's Daughter, to widespread acclaim from music critics — many of whom called it one of the best albums of the year.
Alongside the Ethel Cain moniker, Anhedönia has also released music as White Silas, Miss Anhedönia, אשמדאי, tommy, and ΛTLΛS.
Growing Pains
Ethel Cain Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
White knuckled grip
I can't forget him
Or forgive what he did
I thought i could love you
But i can't take another hit
It's only been 6 weeks
And i'm already like this
You took me out
And taught me how to skate
With blood on my knees
I told you i would be ok
But you knew nothing's that easy
So you said yes when i asked you to stay
Cause for the first time in a long time
I don't want you to go away
I hate that i can't love you
But i'm just in the way
But you say i won't be here forever
And you'll wait as long as it takes
Steal away to meet you when the moon is full
Wearing shoes that don't even fit me, hoping you'll think I look cool
I hope you do
I hope you know that I think you look fucking cool
Staying up to see you when you get off of work
But you leave without touching me and you don't know just how bad it hurts
When i dreamed for weeks of you being my first
I hate that i can't love you
But i'm just in the way
But you say i won't be here forever
And you'll wait as long as it takes
The opening verse of Ethel Cain's song "Growing Pains" is brimming with heavy emotions as the singer talks about being left heartbroken and in shambles following a toxic relationship. The use of tear-stained carpet and white knuckle grip create a vivid image of someone who has been through a lot, struggling to come to terms with what has transpired. The pain is compounded by the feeling of being unable to love again and the lingering resentment towards the perpetrator who has caused this despair. The chorus describes the aftermath of the relationship ending: the singer is struggling to cope, even half a dozen weeks after the separation. The use of skating as a metaphor to describe the relationship sets up a powerful contrast. Learning to skate is difficult and requires falling, but one can get back up and continue despite the pain. The abuse that the singer underwent, however, cannot be brushed off as easily.
Line by Line Meaning
Tear stained carpet
The carpet is stained with tears from crying about the pain of the past relationship.
White knuckled grip
With a tight grip, she holds on to the hurt from her past relationship and can't let go.
I can't forget him
The memory of the past relationship still haunts her and she can't forget it.
Or forgive what he did
The things that her ex-partner did have left a permanent mark on her and she can't forgive him.
I thought i could love you
She wanted to love the person she's with now but failed to do so.
But i can't take another hit
She's tired of getting hurt and can't handle any more pain.
It's only been 6 weeks
It's only been a short while since she started her current relationship.
And i'm already like this
She's already feeling overwhelmed and emotionally affected by it.
You took me out
Her current partner took her out to places to create good memories together.
And taught me how to skate
He taught her something new that she didn't know before.
With blood on my knees
She got hurt while skating and bled, but she tried to play it cool.
I told you i would be ok
She tried to act bravely and told her partner that she's okay despite the injury.
But you knew nothing's that easy
Her partner sensed that everything's not perfect and there's more to it than meets the eye.
So you said yes when i asked you to stay
Her partner chose to support her and stay with her despite the challenges.
Cause for the first time in a long time
For the first time in a while, she found someone who's willing to stay and support her.
I don't want you to go away
She's afraid to lose her current partner and hopes that he won't leave her.
I hate that i can't love you
She's feeling guilty that she can't reciprocate the same level of love towards her partner.
But i'm just in the way
She feels like she's not enough or there's something wrong with her.
But you say i won't be here forever
Her partner reassured her that the current situation won't last forever.
And you'll wait as long as it takes
Her partner promised to wait for her and support her until she's ready to fully love him back.
Steal away to meet you when the moon is full
She sneaks out to secretly meet her partner when there's a full moon.
Wearing shoes that don't even fit me, hoping you'll think I look cool
She wears ill-fitting shoes to look better for her partner, hoping he will find her attractive.
I hope you do
She truly wishes that her partner will find her cool and attractive.
I hope you know that I think you look fucking cool
She admires her partner's coolness and wants him to know how much she likes him.
Staying up to see you when you get off of work
She purposely stays awake to wait for her partner to come back from work.
But you leave without touching me and you don't know just how bad it hurts
Her partner leaves without touching her, and she's hurt by it but hasn't expressed it to him.
When i dreamed for weeks of you being my first
She dreams of having him as her first love and wanting to cherish that with him.
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid
Written by: Hayden Anhedonia
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind