Petrov Yelyena and Me
Flight of the Conchords Lyrics

Petrov, Yelyena, and me
We are three people who are together on a boat in the sea - Petrov, Yelyena, and myself.

Lost, but happy, at sea
We are lost at sea but still manage to feel happy about our situation.

Petrov and Yelyena said to me "Shouldn't we have something to eat?"
My two companions asked me if we should look for food.

Well, I say "There are plenty of fish in the sea" But all they can see, is me
I suggest that we should look for fish to eat, but Petrov and Yelyena are only seeing me as a potential source of food.

They say, "Any last requests?" Biding my time, I say "Yes I want to party, just we three Lost, but happy at sea"
My companions ask me if I have any final wishes, and I request that we party together and enjoy our time at sea, despite our uncertain predicament.

So we drank all night from the keg I passed out, then awoke with one leg I said, "Petrov, have you seen my leg?" He said "No" and he went back to bed But he looked suspiciously well fed
We drank all night, and when I woke up, I realized one of my legs was missing. Although Petrov denied knowing anything about it, I suspected him to be well-fed because of it.

Three days later they were hungry again They said, "Any last requests, again, my friend?" I said, "Do you know any Rolling Stones? You know, like you're at a rock concert going "More, more!"
Three days later, Petrov and Yelyena were hungry again and asked if I had any final wishes. I requested that we listen to music from the Rolling Stones and have a good time.

"Ah, it was a hilarious hilarious moment in a very bleak bleak time of my life"
I reflect on the irony of having a funny moment in what is otherwise a very bleak time of my life.

So we danced all night to the Rolling Stones When I awoke they were chewing on bones Yelena was supping blood from a cup That's when I knew something was up
We danced all night, and when I woke up, I found Petrov and Yelyena eating bones and drinking blood. This was when I realized that they were up to something sinister.

"Hey Petrov?" "What?" "What is that you're eating?" "Nothing" "It looks like a meat" "Oh, this? It's um, one of those, um, fish" "How come it looks so much like my arm?" "It's an arm fish" "What about the fingers?" "Fish fingers" "Well, you see, the thing is, my arm seems to haveabeen Hacked off at the elbow last night I was just wondering if you might have seen it" "Oh, yeah, look at that, no arm over there Oh, don't you hate it when that happens? I don't know, um, you were very drunk last night Perhaps you lost it? In a fair game of chance" "Oh, you're probably right" "Yeah, you know how it is when we're drunk" "Yeah" "'You say 'I'll bet my arm'" "Oh" "Just relax. Enjoy the sea, and have some more, fish"
I confront Petrov about his arm-looking fish, suspecting it to be my own arm which had been hacked off. Petrov first denies any wrongdoing, but then creates a story about me losing it in a drunk and accidental bet. Petrov encourages me to relax, forget my suspicions, and enjoy the supposed fish meal.

Four months now lost at sea My friends have almost finished me Now they are using recipes Tonight, we are having some "me goering"
After being lost at sea for four months, my companions have resorted to cannibalizing me, with tonight's meal being called "me goering."

"But wait, this 'You Goering' is absolutely delicious You should come over here right away and try some You really would be proud of yourself" "How can I? You have eaten all of my leg" "Ooh, someone obviously isn't getting any"
Petrov and Yelyena taunt me by saying how delicious the cannibal dish is, and that I should try it. However, I remind them that they have already eaten my leg and that they should stop mocking me.

Late that night, while they were asleep I swallowed some arsenic to poison my meat I was very ill, but revenge is so sweet Unlike the last meal my comrades would eat
I take revenge on Petrov and Yelyena by poisoning the meat they planned to eat, and while I was very sick, I relished their unwitting cannibalism.

"Yes, eat it all up Not so sweet all of a sudden, hm?"
I taunt my companions and relish my revenge over them by reminding them that they just ate poisoned meat.

When I awoke, they were already dead All that was left of me was my head No, not dead, just a head Lost, but happy, at sea Lost, but lonely, at sea Lost, but so lonely At sea
I woke up only to find that Petrov and Yelyena had already died from the poisoned meat. All that is left of my companions is my severed head. While still lost and lonely at sea, I can finally find peace knowing that I avenged myself.