Foy Vance is a songsmith born in Bangor, County Down, who is now living in … Read Full Bio ↴Foy Vance is a songsmith born in Bangor, County Down, who is now living in London. He released his first single "Gabriel and the vagabond" c/w with "Indiscriminate Act of kindness" on December 18th, 2006 on Wurdamouth Records. The songs "Gabriel and the Vagabond" and "Homebird" was featured in the second season of the US TV drama Grey's Anatomy and received an incredible response and demand to release the track as a single.

"Indiscriminate Act of Kindness", one of Foy’s most popular tracks "live" was featured in the a TV commercial for Great Ormond Street Hospital which was aired in the UK up until Christmas of 2006. Foy often uses alternative tunings for his guitar, for example the song 'Indiscriminate Act of Kindness' he uses the tuning CGDGCe.

Foy has previously released two limited edition EPs on Wurdamouth records; "Live Sessions and the birth of the Toilet tour" and "Watermelon Oranges". His regular piano player is London based composer Jules Maxwell.

Don't Judge
Foy Vance Lyrics

We have lyrics for 'Don't Judge' by these artists:

Arash Chahal ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ ਹੋ Snappy ਮੋਟਰ…
Askura Alexander Shkuratov Слова Иисуса Христа из Нового Завета Не убоюся от тем людей…
Badman Chorus Don’t judge people by the things you hear Either how them…
Bec Lavelle Don't judge - don't believe what you see Don't judge -…
Daniyel If you′ve seen what I've seen you′ll know Why all the…
Duo Every midnight I’m alone Hearing voices down the phone line …
L.O.M I remember slidin' in the whip we had the windows…
L.O.M. I remember slidin' in the whip we had the windows…
LV feat. Errol Bellot Trap phone full of coke users Been winning, these hatting ni…

N-Telekia I remember slidin' in the whip we had the windows…
Rebecca Lavelle Don't judge - don't believe what you see Don't judge -…
Romeo William Enemies gona fly like nits for foods That's funny cuz hard…
Swerve & SYG Its been a long time, A lot of places i′ve…
Trey Songz I got a question for you baby Would you think a…

We have lyrics for these tracks by Foy Vance:

A System She said, "Life's like trying to land an airplane When you'r…
All The Time Love Moved onto northern stars You remain, since I began it The f…
At Least My Heart Was Open Well, I tried to do what I felt was right And…
Bailie's Blood Out of the earth comes blessing and curse And a famine,…
Bangor Town I set my sails And betrothed, the wind will guide me To…
Be Like You Belong I still have hope Though it failed me so And now I′m…
Be My Daughter There′s a time to talk about it A time to live…
Be the Song When nightmares come Keep you awake Baby close your eyes…
Be With Me Her hair was copper and her beauty bold And it warmed…
Billie Jean She was more like a beauty queen from a movie…
Burden Let me carry your burden If something's not right I will…
Casanova Sorry ‘bout the way that I was last night There was…
Closed Hand Full Of Friends The scenery’s changing and it warms my soul I’m 200 miles…
Coco Coco, what do you know? Do you know that the hills…
Cradled in Arms Sometimes I remember that it is November And I once was…
Dark Horse Hope′s a dark horse and it shows no sign Of having…
Doesn't Take a Whole Day When I first saw you, baby Something strange happened inside…
Feel For Me Take my heart to your hand You think you can′t but…
Fifteen When you're only fifteen How can you know what hurt means? …
Fire It Up Well I′ve turned it up Can you hear me now? We can…
First Of July (Okay, let's go Jules) I opened up your letter, you told…
Free Fallin' Don′t think of tonight as a show Think of it more…
Gabriel There's a man in the corner and his clothes are…
Gabriel and the Vagabond There's a man on corner and his clothes are worn And…
Guiding Light Well the road is wide And waters run on either side And…
Guiding Light (Live Version) Well the road is wide, and waters run on either side, and…
Hair of the Dog You no longer make me happy You no longer make me…
Have Me Maria Have me Maria Darling I see you I ebb into your eyes And…
Home Run past the rivers, run past all the light. Feel it…
Homebird The orange was the size of a watermelon to me…
I Was Born I was born in the Vale of Angels By the sea…
I Was Made Well, I loved the devil Loved his mind Drank up all his…
I Will Be I laid your clothes out for you neat Left them on…
I Won't Let You Fall Well, you never were the one to say you need…
If Christopher Calls I just needed a little while Time for to figure it…
If Only You Could See Yourself Like I See You When I look in your eyes, I don't want to…
Indiscriminate Act Of Kindness She came from the cold, wet Dropped her luggage bags, looke…
Into the Fire I wanna be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego And walk rig…
It Ain't Over The late sun shone on Botanic park Then a cloud came…
It Was Good It's not quite wrong It's just not right Well at least I…
Janey You said the air was blue, Tell me what’s a girl…
Joy Of Nothing Waking up with the pouring rain Same old sun and the…
London City Did I tell you ′bout the time you failed to…
Midnight Starlet Wake up, my darling, This love I can"t hold in, My heart…
Moving On Well you first took me baby with the way you…
Noam Chomsky Is A Soft Revolution Carl Perkins for the rock n roll Dr. John for the…
Over The late sun shone on Botanic park Then a cloud came…
Pain Never Hurt Me Like Love Oh, little girl Ever since you've been around I've travelled…
Paper Prince I'm on my own again Though the sun still shines With no…
People Are Pills One, two, three Two, two, three Easy come and easy go Funny…
Percolate Every morning I woke up You handed me a coffee cup And…
Regarding Your Lover Well the road is wide And waters run on either side And…
Republic of Eden Some people say they know it For others, it's belief Say the…
Resplendence In the news today They reported on all these deathly scenes …
Roman Attack We fell out by the side of the road I came…
Sapling I remember way back when I felt only ennui Like nothing coul…
She Burns She is a little explosion of hope Never turns the lights…
Shed a Little Light They say that love is hard to find Sure found it…
Signs of Life Then without warning, you looked in my eyes I could tell…
Something in the Water We sat beneath the amber tree The sun shone upon your…
Stoke My Fire Stoke my fire baby Stoke it good and strong Pile it way…
Sunshine or Rain Haven't always been there baby Haven't always been true Yet …
Sweethearts Baby, don't cry There's nothing to fear So, just close you…
System She said, "Life's like trying to land an airplane When you'r…
The Christ and The Crook Anna Jean, darling, don′t leave me On the count of my…
The Strong Hand January and the air is cold It′s been a while since…
The Wild Swans On The Lake Atop the leaves Neath an autumn moon Though soon the morn sh…
Time Stand Still I know that you feel it So why d'you wanna wait…
Treading Water I will not hang around For one defining day When I figure…
Two Shades Of Hope If theres one thing that I know It is the 2…
Unlike Any Other I′m sometimes whole Still don't know If you′re my other Ther…
UPBEAT FEELGOOD I'm upbeat, I feel good I'm upbeat, I feel good I'm upbeat,…
We Can't Be Tamed We'll be owls in the nighttime Making wise the night itself …
We're Already in Heaven One day we will dissipate Reassign our molecules and float a…
You and I Well, tomorrow may not be like any other day It's so…
You Get To Me You once were the chains holding on to me I said…
You Love Are My Only I wouldn't want you, darlin' To walk around in my shoes You…

Ziggy Looked Me in the Eye Fired up and you say you want it No, don′t ever…

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

TRACKS

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Most interesting comments from YouTube:

@sammencia7945

2y↑8

I do not understand.

I had someone I "dated" get into my building (secure key entry lobby) and slide an accusatory and psychotic letter under my door.

She was gone, out of my life, 30 seconds after I read it. Blocked her number, deleted messages, banned her from my workplace.

When you write as though some invisible hand of God is preventing you from leaving, I do not understand.

You get hit, you walk.
At that second.

@iloveFreedom.

1y↑9

How do you Feel when he is not there?
Peaceful, calm, happier?
I csnt advise you, but You Know
Yoh just Know
Treat yslf like 👷‍♀️🤴🦸‍♀️🦸‍♂️🧚‍♀️🧙‍♀️🧙‍♂️
Royalty.

If you put up with sh"t, that is what u r saying " oh yes please, universe" to

You know how you feel.
It's not Love, it's an obsession , An old habit
Respect. You are Worth a LOT MORE dude!!🎉❤

@TheBlessedRed

2y↑112

Tolerated this for the better part of two years. I got caught up trying to "prove" myself to her. And she just continued to get worse and worse.

The invalidation was very real and very often.

For anyone that may be reading this, PLEASE do not do as I did and continue to tolerate it.

GET AWAY from it as soon as you can...

When I say that it absolutely destroyed my self confidence and my view of myself... it truly did.

I've been single since January 2017 and up until a probably April of this year (2022), I haven't even so much as had a hug from someone else because I've kept my distance and constantly blamed myself for everything.

Only now through therapy have I learned that what I went through was not okay and not deserved.

You deserve better than someone who invalidates you and manipulates your emotional well-being.

It can truly destroy your perception of yourself for years and affect you in other areas of life.

Please do not give someone that kind of power over you.

All comments from YouTube:

@kosiekoos9408

1y↑1.3K

Speaking the truth is an ‘insult’ to those who lie

@hydrationstation

52w↑41

Damn, that's deep. And accurate.

@Huma_m1

47w↑64

This is very true.
Also, when you mention their faults, you’re ‘stuck in the past’
But they’ll bring up a simple word you used years ago

@lindamaemullins5151

47w↑18

Facts 👍

@lindamaemullins5151

47w↑9

@@Huma_m1 👍

@dukecity7688

47w↑27

I was roommates with a woman for two years. If I said anything that would piss her off, very soon after something would go missing. It didn't stop me from speaking my mind. One morning I was getting dressed. I went to put earrings on and I found to my horror my jewelry bag was gone. Instead of freaking out - I wanted to scream - I left the house immediately because I didn't think I could control myself. Without mentioning a word about my jewelry, I wrote several drafts of a text before I hit send telling her what an asshole I can be - I apologized for running my mouth - told her how great she is and how lucky I was to have her. When I got home I went right to my drawer and there it was. My jewelry bag was back. The gaslighting did not stop - I moved out a few months later.

55 More Replies...

@alisher1984

2y↑1.4K

Gaslighter: Provokes first
Victim: Gets justifiably upset or angry
Gaslighter: "yOu nEeD mEntAl hElP fOr yOur anGeR iSsuEs"

@manicmorgen8257

1y↑1

Omg yes the mental help for your anger issues

@katieftme

1y↑53

Reactive abuse. Ugh. Gotta love it

@detektive7098

1y↑21

Literally.

@courtneymeyers82

1y↑43

My mom - after literally putting up with it for all of the 16 years of my life

Well, I just don't understand how you can be so mean to me after everything I've done for you

Unreal

@luv1000

I love how you wrote...
You need help with your mental issues...small & caps WHEN THEY ORCHESTRATED IT!😠What the hell?😠

73 More Replies...

@joek4377

27w↑77

Staying calm is the best way to deal with these people. They want you upset. Don't let them...

@Keny-zs6gh

9w↑5

An won't hesitate to call the cops on you and send you to prison.

@jimmoravec1326

6w↑4

@@Keny-zs6gh
That shit was tried on me, but I had an Ace in the hole

@makaylaforbes6719

24w↑97

I heard "I never said that" so many times that i started sending the texts and emails back to them to show them the proof they gave me themselves. Then they would come at me with the one phrase that was missing on this list: it was a joke

@KobieeBryant

18w↑5

That’s why I keep everything and then they deflect onto something else and u hit ‘em again with a text or email u will get ghosted asap

@spike6487

16w↑3

That kinda fits into the part where you are told that you misunderstood them. It being a "joke" would be very similar.

@phil1353

13w↑5

It’s always “that was a joke” “I was joking”… hate that

@cristiancampo8133

10w↑1

this is the bullshit I'm currently dealing with and its driving insane.... like someone else said in the comments "just the effort you put defending the truth is completely draining"... and the sad part is that small things become big things later... lie about stupid shit and because of that now everything they say is questionable. is a total nightmare

@jackilynpyzocha662

10w↑2

It wasn't a joke, even if it was a joke: it wasn't funny!

@CYSYS8993

2y↑1.4K

I love it when someone pisses me off and then I get called "defensive" as if I'm not supposed to do that over someone else's abhorrent behavior.

@katmandu5753

2y↑49

yeah I get that a lot. Then 'stop attacking me' is usually my answer

@badazzmaro

2y↑19

Thank you, i know its not exclusive to me, but its still good to hear it confirmed.

@73Nephele

2y↑12

I love what you just said so much

@TewasaSonko

2y↑8

EXACTLY 💯

@Minisynapse

2y↑7

Saving this for later, nice one!

76 More Replies...

@luminyam6145

1y↑530

This is why boundaries are key. Keep your boundaries sky high, accept no bad behaviour. Make them take responsibility for themselves. I can't stand these narcissist abusers.

@victoriavitoroulis3273

42w↑19

After I became sober .. I needed very strong boundaries .. that’s exactly how we clean are mental warehouse and kick the garbage to the curb .. it’s lonely but your mentally safe 💜

@joshuafreshney1206

34w↑17

@@victoriavitoroulis3273 Better too be Lonely, atleast you know where you stand.

@ArterialJames1990

26w↑2

According to this guy you’d be considered the narcissist!! lol he’s really the one!! So don’t listen to him hun

@fook-joby-den6172

24w

“Make” then own it? They’ll die bitter & proclaiming their superiority with their last breath just to spite you.

@zennamaste6887

24w↑1

That is the best statement ever!

10 More Replies...

@markcritic2409

25w↑90

My mother has done all of these, even at the age of almost 80. Truth means NOTHING to her. Call her out on her terrible misdeeds, she'll retort with "Why are you treating me this way? Why are YOU abusing me?" Pure evil. Beyond help. Beyond hope.

@michael.cschrubbe5879

22w↑3

WOW! Hey that you can phrase a sentence in a positive tone sounds like you have seen the abuse, and now have a plan to improve yourself and move forward! Might sound preachy, if you don't interact, you don't lose! Move forward always!

@MagdaleneDivine

22w↑7

Yep, my mother will even call adult protective services and lie bald faced with some claim of abuse then get defensive when you call her a liar.
Even my aunt was like "if you weren't a liar you wouldn't get so defensive "
And if you defend me or whoever is in her cross hairs then she'll turn on them and it never ends with her, she's always arguing and couldn't even hold a job she's so caustic

@unimpressed..

20w↑6

Fortunately both my parents have long since been worm food but the scars they left live on.

@Thegingerbreadm4n

18w↑3

SAME HERE! WOW SMALL WORLD. MY DAD IS THE SAME WAY AS WELL AS MY MOM.

@ArgentoFan

17w↑4

I just blocked my toxic brother from my life today. I'm sick of him creating drama.

10 More Replies...

@sashabeckett5861

1y↑215

I've been researching narcissism
I keep hearing experts say romantic relationships. But for many people, narcissism typically starts between parents and children.

@MJ-wrty

43w↑25

100% true. Children of narcissists will be easy targets for a narcissist in adulthood.

@conniehayes4957

43w↑3

Will teach you how to lie

@billybandyk0720

42w↑15

@@conniehayes4957Or take u 2 the psychiatrist & have u put on psych meds 2 cover up their parental ineptitude.

@Aleyna_304

41w↑1

Totally agreeable!!

@hollyprincipato3287

40w↑2

My parents were great. Others...not so much

18 More Replies...

@maried3717

1y↑232

Going no contact is the ONLY way to end this abuse, and it's worth it!

@bolotabr12

27w↑3

Thanks 😊. At times, is difficult.

@ArterialJames1990

26w↑1

She called me a narcissist for that! Said that bcz if rather break in then argue I’m a gaslighter,, she listens to this guy who made this video and now I see exactly where she thinks that from,,
Like she bust my lip bcz she assumed I was upset that she was out late! Like really screamed. For 12 hrs and I had to say omgg STOP! Either we gon fix it or move tf on!! She’s also like this with everyone in her life!! Court placed a restraining order against her from nearing her mom!! 😢 sad af!!

@lorireed8046

23w↑1

@@fritsfelix8423Till you realize you don't , honestly, remember your childhood but,ba fake childhood you've gaslighted yourself to believe in?

@lorireed8046

23w

@@ArterialJames1990What is nearing her Mom mean?

@user-fh1je6lg4d

16w↑1

Yes!!!!!

5 More Replies...

@madonnahagedorn5649

2y↑723

I think their real goal is to make you an emotional wreck. It's exhausting not to be right about anything. Just the effort you put in defending the truth is completely draining. They have you doing this over and over. It starts out small, then it escalates. It's all about convincing you that you are once again mistaken.

@breannaschwartz2617

1y↑33

Everything is my fault, Denies everything ever said. Oh and interrupted me after asking a question, and when I asked not to, it was my fault my sentence was too long and I’m not privileged enough to request that, everything is my fault. All of it, my apologies are never good enough because I only apologize for my mistakes not 100 percent of everything, if I even say hey this action made me feel this way, then I’m just degrading and belittling their character. Oh . They never do wrong, and if I do something and they ask me not to, but they do it and I request the same, I get “why you trying to be me. You want to be me so bad”

@Mionnastyled

1y↑7

@@breannaschwartz2617 those last lines!!!!

@marsra8331

1y↑5

the danger is when someone commits to knowing you enough to trick your brain into thinking what they are doing demands attention long enough for you to think about it despite knowing its wrong ;)

@charlesnkuubilwanga8051

1y↑5

I feel your pain because I have ever been in this exact situation.

@jasonbuffington5304

I don't get tired

37 More Replies...

@deidrecrane

1y↑93

This video is actually bringing up a lot of stress and anxiety right now with the constant crap i have to deal with on a daily basis. And I love the sayings "Get over yourself" or "Just leave". My responses "If I could I would" or "Don't you think I would've if I could". It's not always a choice; it's either deal with it or live in your car. And then you have those fun, seemingly, random mental breakdowns.

@gayleenoldroyd2391

29w↑6

What I did was figure out how to pacate him so I wouldn't get hurt anymore. I call it the bobble head. Then you work on a plan that will keep from couch surfing. He told me once he had to be mean because if he didn't I'd walk all over him. My advice is get away as fast as you reasonably can. Go to a shelter. Tell people what's going on. For me his friends were shocked but saw the bruises. I never said a thing and made excuses. He blamed me for his friends turning against him. The hardest part is understanding why he's like this and learning to care for yourself more than feeling empathy and wanting to help him or her and to love and believe in yourself more.

@MurielDeppman

27w↑5

oh, boy...i had a mother and an ex boyfriend, just alike (and friends) who used to tag team me.

@pavel9652

27w↑3

Living in a car is great! Get a good car, though. Maybe Mazda 6 estate 2.2 diesel in soul red. Great family car, no pun intended, for, ekhem, enthusiasts ;)

@user-dn6mb7qd6q

27w↑4

My bf does says those words too!! "Get over it, just leave". "You made me smash your phone.."you made me hit you".."He threatened to push me down the stairs n I say that is psycho thing to say he says "well did I"? "You stress me out" n he starts screaming n hits the wall. On top of verbal abuse..or "end of discussion"

@pavel9652

27w↑1

@@user-dn6mb7qd6q You have to leave before you become a headline in the local news, and in such a way he doesn't know about it until you are safe far away.

3 More Replies...

@ch33seweasel42

1y↑284

Everyone, please don't let people do this to you. Get out before you snap. It's only a matter of time before you become the crazy person they've been telling you that you are. Love y'all <3

@lindahouston5635

48w↑7

I couldn't agree more! 💯

@theeclectic2919

48w↑13

My wife used to verbally abuse me and when I tried to defend myself, she would accuse me of.... surprise!.... gaslighting her.

@maidsua4208

45w↑4

@@theeclectic2919 Thank you for sharing! Now tonight my son called me to tell me that he was gaslighted by his woman. I've seen that he's got a different expression on his face, but I thought it was because he's too busy at work. It emerged that she belittled him, ridiculed him in front of others and a whole lot. I am sitting here in shock, because he has always been a mentally strong person. He doesn't discuss properly, he thinks too slowly (he has an IQ of 140 and his head seems sharp on him and it always has been), etc. But he told me that his memory is worse because of stress and he is so afraid to walk home. That is so sad. I have asked him to go, we have room for him with us. But that means he has to change jobs. Did you get help from your family? What can I do as a mother?

@elainemurley9509

41w↑1

That's true!!!

@scc8728

35w↑6

So true, but if you stay or stayed and are now crazy just know there is hope. You can find yourself again.

7 More Replies...

@jeffreywhitlatch1409

3y↑491

Gaslighters are a very big problem. They light the gas, so they can come to your rescue." Don't you see what I've just done for you?" When they have created the entire problem.

@alexandraschuster9700

3y↑21

Right the fuck on!

@leahflower9924

3y↑2

in that show YOU the main character does that to an extreme

@MrStonymanX

3y↑19

Sounds like our government

@marcelamsss

3y↑9

This name actually come from a movie called "Gaslight" where a husband convince his wife she is crazy by manipulating her.

@ruebencristobal7790

@@leahflower9924 Of course you know a thing or two about being gaslighted. No nice guys for you. Nice guys finish last. So I guess its guys like the ones from YOU that you are totally attracted to and enable their abusive manipulative ways.

22 More Replies...

@cashout1690

3y↑547

I use only one phrase when dealing with gas lighters: "Get out of my life"

@leahflower9924

3y↑8

lol good one

@richluetoure5386

3y↑6

Good

@trixie9777

3y↑4

👍🏼👍🏼😅

@sleepingbearffg5008

3y↑2

Love it

@beverlytate2669

3y↑1

That’s a winner

10 More Replies...

@TheSlider420

45w↑56

This is pure FACTS. My Mom is a huge Gaslighter. Once you recognize it, you see it clear as day,

@brirandall2894

44w↑1

You know what??? Those words can not be any more further from the truth....once you recognize it, becomes clearer right!

@CreativeSoul101

43w↑4

My mom is too and my father. I hope ur out of your relationship with your mom. As a teenager dealing with my own crap my mom blames almost everything on me.

@hman2912

23w

As is mine, then I became the same in my relationship with the mother of my children. It's a hard pill to swallow knowing that you've become what you always feared. Time for redemption.

@TheSlider420

23w

@@brirandall2894 Elaborate.

@lorireed8046

23w

@@CreativeSoul101Do y'all hear yourselves??? Seriously! Look at the true percentages of Mom's being narcissistic and the millions pretending both parents are isn't reality.

@harrymills2770

1y↑11

"I think you need help." People have tried that on me, and I just say "If I'm all messed-up, you probably shouldn't hang out with me. Bye."

@notsureyou

1y↑494

Step 1: Know your own value.
Step 2: Realise that the person you thought that you were dating... is a figment of your imagination.
Step 3: Realise that you cannot fix them or change them.
Step 4: Walk away, AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
Step 5: Learn from the experience, including "red flags" that you missed early on (so that you don't make the same mistake by dating another gaslighter).

@MrMatthewhg

1y↑14

Yes, but perhaps on Step 2 - your mistake is only part of it; as much or more is likely to be due to their deceit.

@notsureyou

1y↑5

@@MrMatthewhg I agree, a bit from both.

@thisisme3238

1y↑9

Step #4 is the REAL answer to getting your life and your self-esteem back.

@marknorris1381

1y↑13

This is all very true. Power and control is what they are after in a relationship. Once you are gone, they no longer have it.

@Br00talAsCanBe

52w↑8

unfortunately had to learn this the hard way, but its such good good advice. Never brush off a red flag, if you bring up something they do (that upsets you) and they don't make the changes the fist time, RUN. Forget the potential you see in them, its NOT worth it. They will not change and you deserve so much better.

24 More Replies...

@misterhot9163

3y↑362

One word that will disarm any gas lighters attacks is “Ok”, and then walk away.

@nicbro3831

3y↑35

Works with bosses too

@DemonSlide

3y↑26

Just broke off a relationship where I tried that and when she saw I was not biting in the conflict, she would start becoming physically abusive towards me and say that I was the violent one towards her. It was so annoying.

@misterhot9163

3y↑11

@Gemma Dann it’s all about the intonation 😉

@misterhot9163

3y↑29

@@DemonSlide you took her power away, that’s why she turned violent. Good for you for walking away. 👍

@misterhot9163

3y↑5

@Gemma Dann haha good for you!! How did he react?

34 More Replies...

@Redeemed26

1y↑26

Yes, it's very difficult to know especially when it's the immediate family member you grew up with. In that case a child growing up has no idea what a healthy relationship should be or even look like. Unfortunately it takes much longer, even into middle age to realize you were brought up without any idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.

@fireandrose1962

27w↑11

This is really good stuff! As a psychotherapist, I always advise my clients to listen for any "You statements" as signs of emotional and possible narcissistic abuse. Always ask for I-statements only. Narcs have a really difficult time with that because they totally avoid responsibility for their feelings and need to project their rage onto those around them. Keep these videos coming. I'd like to see more on covert narcissism. This is REALLY hard to spot but criticial to identify in its early stages.

@cha8711

3y↑638

I always knew he was lying, cheating, belittling me and gaslighting, but to hear all of these phrases he used with me actually defined as gaslighting made me see my own behavior of begging him for forgiveness when I had done nothing wrong and giving my power to him. This was a huge break through for me just now. Thank you for posting these videos to help others. 🙏🏼❤️

@lindathurston21

3y↑27

Hah! I stand my ground, I won't let anyone tell me I'm wrong or it me. When I know, it's them. If it's me! I own it and I always apologize and try not to repeat the behavior of this sick attitude

@jeromebreezedale4066

3y↑38

These narcissist will accuse you of gaslighting while their doing it to you

@psychologyfactstips

3y↑17

well happy that you found out and do the right thing.

@samanthaworkman-fenn8754

3y↑17

GOD bless you for an excellent future

@kelseytaylor8262

3y↑7

👍

13 More Replies...

@judithd5007

3y↑398

'You're too sensitive' can also be one of those phrases. When you are sensitive by nature, but within reason, so to speak. Meaning not too easily offended, etc... Thanks for this video! 👍

@thegrimreaper9552

3y↑6

When I say that to someone who really is sensitive and they are trying to galight me they get mad

@ruebencristobal7790

3y↑4

Women fall for gaslighting every single solitary time

@freedom3504

3y↑9

Right? My stepmother aka mommy dearest,used to say that to me all time. She would say it in a tone of voice as if there was something seriously wrong with me.
She made me believe I was unworthy of love and that I was seriously damaged. Followed by a beating.

@kimmyb8276

1y↑1

my dad said that all the time; wait, says 😮

@marydewar5675

1y↑1

I get that at work.

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@TM-dh8um

50w↑60

It’s taken me 59 years to see and realise that the only family I have (the ones I was taught to believe in as a safety net before anything/anyone else) are all toxically enmeshed in a unprocessed and trauma-bonded cult around a narcissistic mother, and that I’ve been emotionally abused in private and emotionally neglected in childhood by all my immediate family my whole life as the youngest (and ‘invisible’) one, and that in so many key respects Ive had to emotionally parent myself. It’s taken a phenomenal tole on me but also on my life chances. I’m still single, jobless and broke (despite being well-educated) and very, very scared. I know I have symptoms of CPTSD but I can’t afford support therapy, and what caused me to suddenly realise all this was one year ago when I suddenly found myself alone and dependent on their support after Brexit and the pandemic took the wheels off the life abroad I’d desperately tried to create to escape them and their treatment 25 years ago. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve taken to just praying every day and taking long walks when I can steal time for them. Why isn’t there a place where people like us, who learn these things in moments of personal crisis (too late in life) can at least find recognition, validation to fight the extreme isolation, and get understanding support to help us escape and survive? If someone is suicidal, they are often told “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. But what if it isn’t temporary? What if the abusers are all you’ve got and it feels too late to regain a life and independence worth living, all alone in a world getting more and more full of danger and crisis(?) I feel sorry for all the people commenting here.

@AmySmith-qt6qg

41w↑11

I am in pretty much the same situation. I’m 29 so from your comment I assume a lot younger than you, but I too have nothing because of the family patriarch that is my grandfather. He controls nearly all of my life and I lost my entire 20s to him. Friday was the line in the sand for me when he degraded me because I’m a woman. I’ve taken the financial control, the emotional control - but now the attacks on something I can’t control or choose? No, I can’t do this anymore. I’ve cut ties with him but because he has total financial control I will more than likely end up homeless… I’m just hoping homelessness can potentially get me some help I need? Maybe I’ll be taken seriously by the services then? I don’t know. All I know is I’m not scared anymore, I’ve taken his abuse my whole life, I literally don’t fear anything anymore.

@lorireed8046

23w↑3

@@AmySmith-qt6qgWhen you no longer care about the money, they can't control you over " a safe shelter" ... You have to choose leaving and being without to get that freedom. There is no such thing as fairness in this world.

@jackilynpyzocha662

18w↑1

Same here, same amount of time, too. Dad is the narc here. I don't trust him. Ever!

@gicardee6756

1y↑5

The Narcissist is a master of this insidious act. A Narcissist is this person who is focused on walking this line they see and believe to be a path for greatness. In fact, their eyes are so close to the line that they never realize the line is actually a circle that leads them to the same path they started. People who are close to them can see this by their pattern of behaviors and problems they go through in life. Those who care enough to tell them will be met with manipulation tactics to shift the attention away from the uncomfortable truth of the circle.

@CTRCHOICE

2y↑129

By watching this video, not only do I recognize that I have been emotionally abused in the past but I have also been guilty of gaslighting. I recognize now that I need to work on this to become a better person.

@indiglojypsy3351

1y↑7

Powerful comment ❤

@TheNancypoo

46w↑3

Holy crap!! So true!!!

@donnapower9020

41w↑2

Me too...Hugs! 🤗💕

@pavel9652

27w↑2

It depends if you have spoken these things with malice in mind. Many times these can be benign, like saying to someone they are imagining things.

@FraiiaHealing

24w↑1

Respect <3 It is true bravery to admit it when we have done to others what has been done to us. <3

@mediumofhappiness1194

3y↑236

You forgot, "No one will believe you".

@Sunny-dw6xe

3y↑10

My ex said “if it was real abuse you would be black and blue it’s not even that bad. They’ll just laugh at you”

@warrenmccarty256

3y↑9

It doesn't matter what anyone believes what matters is the truth

@mediumofhappiness1194

3y↑5

@@warrenmccarty256 truth is a perspective. As in witnessing a car wreck, it all depends where you're viewing it from. No one owns truth.

@warrenmccarty256

3y↑8

@@mediumofhappiness1194 anybody that talks like that is following the wrong monkey that's the speech of Satan it doesn't matter what your perspective is the truth is the truth it does not Bend it doesn't twist it doesn't break and a lie will fall apart no matter how hard you try can't hold it together that usually blows up in your face

@chaos-ku4vw

3y↑6

They dont realise noone ever believes anyone in this egotistical society. It doesnt stop most people from telling someone about it these days.

What about..." you just destroyed the best thing that ever could have happened to you in your life" (him apparently)

I tend to disagree with him there.

18 More Replies...

@LxR7601

39w↑11

My parents check off all of these points three times over, thanks so much for doing this video. Thanks to this I now have a better understanding of the malicious tactics my abusers employ, as well as ideas on how to formulate effective countermeasures. This won't be over until I move out and go no-contact, permanently, but at least for the time being I can keep as much sanity as I can.

@jacqueblue

35w↑22

100% accurate. Dealing with the poster child (adult) and have heard her say every statement!

Thank you for confirming my resolve to be rid of the toxicity. 👏 👏

@curtistinemiller4646

3y↑272

People who gaslight others are not good at communicating thier genuine feelings ,they are so TOXIC,they are manipulative ,on purpose ,they deflect and do damage INTENTIONALLY.....

@deborahwolff5651

3y↑4

I had that experience! It stinks! Stay far away from them

@curtistinemiller4646

@@deborahwolff5651 Right..

@Vi-pv3xi

3y↑8

Yes but they know how to do a talking that hits your heart and core.

@curtistinemiller4646

3y↑2

@@Vi-pv3xi Gaslighters are evil..

@gionagrace6279

3y↑5

Exactly! They have absolutely no communication skills. They are twisted creatures.

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@BS-qe6jz

3y↑728

You missed one, "that was in the past, just let it go" lol until the next beating. It was always my fault. I can't stand people who would ask me what I did to deserve that black eye or broken nose. Twisted world we still live in.

@vivianst.claire7193

3y↑36

That's terrible. It's strange how people don't understand and blame you instead. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

@BS-qe6jz

3y↑13

@@vivianst.claire7193 I'm sorry for the ten years after of what my children had to go through. What you're hearing about the schools, courts, cops, dcf hospitals, it's all true. There's a lot more and the world is going to find out. It's the only way to stop what's happening to our families and children. My kids now believe this is 'normal' and can't be changed because they had nobody other then me to back them up.

@sammencia7945

2y↑8

@victoriavitoroulis3273

2y↑3

Like somebody is really going to see if your reply qualifies receiving a black eye … abuse my proxy

@CYSYS8993

2y↑12

If you think that's bad, some people will actually downright bring up your behavior to justify that black eye or broken nose.

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@alonsogarcia1990

42w↑12

I used to be so ashamed of how I thought my past relationship went. After I learned some of this, it made it easier to move on, but I still had to go through years of owning things that were not mine!

@anntrope491

1y↑44

Took me until I was 60 to realize that my mother is a covert narcissist. This dinamic set me up with a narcissist partner...41 years. The damage that these dysfunctional relationships have caused me is unmeasurable. The Epiphany of discovering this was freeing...I now trust myself , & know I am o.k., & they are not o.k. ! I am grey rock to my mother who still is up to her tricks...even at age 90 !! & am getting my independence back from my partner who has financially crippled me. I see myself as happier alone, than putting up with this bullschitt ...

@techeepeach9272

3y↑381

My biggest mistake in life was that I stayed married to a gaslighter for 17 years!!! So glad that I eventually managed to get myself and my girls out of the extremely toxic abusive relationship. What eventually gave me power to do so, was seeing the same abuse starting to happen to my eldest daughter by her dad (my abusive husband)!! Divorced for 5 years now, never been happier!!

@ruebencristobal7790

3y↑6

He was probably your favorite mistake and wouldve relived the abuse because you loved him so....but he was probably nailing your younger prettier sister...
And best friend

@2fiah_914

3y↑13

Same! I’ve been with him 17 years and we’ve been separated for 1 month now! It’s the beginning of our divorce

@Rose-qk2qo

2y↑14

I’m so glad you made it out and hope you’re healing from it a lot. I’ve been married almost 2 years and it took my best friend to point it out to me and then I saw all the red flags since we started dating. The anxiety is getting so bad but i have to be strategic on how to get out

@mommommy3448

1y↑9

It also took me 17 yrs to finally separate from my husband, never been happier and feeling so alive again...too many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I can even write a 📚...

@bruizedblood

1y↑6

SLAYYY!!! IM SO PROUD OF U GIRL!! <33

21 More Replies...

@divyashree6527

3y↑133

Don't be guilt ridden. Trust yourself. Help yourself. And your love will not change them. Rather You'll end up draining on your basic level of self love. You may/ may not have support of those who make up your support system . You got to have your own back.

@donnaparks1919

3y↑1

I recall clearly everything that happened and will not be detoured from truth and fact

@divyashree6527

@@donnaparks1919 I hope you are doing well now. Take care. 💕

@donnaparks1919

3y↑1

@@divyashree6527 thanks u always in fight mode but still alive and learning more been gone no contact but in same neighborhood GOD BLESS HAPPY 4th

@divyashree6527

@@donnaparks1919 I hope things get her better soon. And you too stay safe. Happy 4th. 🥰

@TorahObservantUnitarian

3y↑4

Amen. Trust YHWH and Yashua as well .

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@charlottecolley8713

22w↑7

It was hell. I didn't know that the term "gaslighting" even existed... every single point you mentioned corresponds exactly with what I went through and what he tried to achieve, in particular point 7. Thank God I managed to escape 🙏🏽

@terrycarpenter1743

40w↑3

Manipulation thru. Emotional insecurities. Gaslighter....lie is true.....truth is a lie..using excuses to confuse you.
Good video

@Kelly-wf5ie

3y↑64

A perfect example of this IS EVERY GOVERNMENT !!

@amarantine3504

3y↑1

Statists too. Oh sht, that's everyone just about.

@gl5478

3y↑1

Facts!

@safina1253

3y↑178

I used to call him a liar, but gaslighting is the perfect discription of my ex.
I became alive after I left him.
If God says know, leave peacefully.

@franceshaggitt3104

Says no?

@franceshaggitt3104

Are you ok now

@yolandagrabowski6043

1y↑2

If you're lucky. Jesus didn't come with peace. Sometimes, you have to put your foot down for what you're about or not about.

@cynthiawhite681

@@yolandagrabowski6043 ❤️🙌🦋🙏

@traceyroyer993

@@franceshaggitt3104 I think she meant "now."

@0neandOnlyyy

6w↑2

My boss currently. I've dealt with a few narcissists that were close to me, i can spot it out pretty quickly now

@irenesarageorge

43w↑10

My husband is a classic gaslighter who has used all these phrases with me over the last four years of our marriage. And you are right emotionally abusive relationships change to physically abusive ones too. I spoke out, tried to stand up for myself, sought help from parents and they supported me as far as they could. But this society always stand by the abusers because they are powerful. Such people are very good at manipulating people and make them believe that they are good. The society including my relatives, friends,church vicar blamed my parents, in some way or other and advised me to forget the past and trust him. My husband showed no remorse and kept using these phrases one way or other to put the blame on me. I used to stay in the same building as my parents but now he is forcing me to move somewhere else. Honestly i dont feel safe. I don't trust him. But I hv no one who would understand or support me. I am worried about my 11 month old son. My emotional trauma could take a toll on him too.But the worst part is lack of evidence. Our feelings get dismissed as stupidity, arrogance, immaturity and selfishness. No one hold these abusers accountable. Marriage becomes a cage where you are trapped forever with your abuser. I want to exit because I don't think my husband will change but society is not kind to a woman like me and even if pursue the path of divorce I will be condemned as an arrogant and selfish woman because the abusers version is always upheld. Unfortunately u can't show a judge the scars left on your mind, the deep impact on your emotions and stress caused by the trauma. Instead you get blamed, silenced and judged condemned to suffer in silence.

@SAPHYTYRA

41w

When you learn to value yourself as a whole and complete soul, then you will not be worried about what others think and feel more than you care about what you think and feel.

@Bybybirdie83

14w

FLEE!!!!!! Don't look back. If you have a gut feeling you're NOT safe.....you're in danger. Having you leave will ISOLATE you from those who can help you. Once isolated I guarantee you, the gaslighting will continue, or worse, escalate. If you are anxious or fearful , or upset, your child will feel it. This man is NOT WORTH IT. Get therapy. Get in a SAFE SPACE. GODS SPEED. ❤

@mariaelenacabrera9721

3y↑37

Thank you. Yes, please. Just exit gracefully. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

@safina1253

3y↑2

So true, Thanks.

@tanchingyueen7854

To exit... From a public space e. g. Supermarket at open hrs, in ur own private domicile,..
Specialists could onlysuggest read up CBT therapy, cognitive dissonance..
Helpful strangers also suggest migrate overseas, bring along a or any young child to my public outings, a or any companion alongside to there..
What phrases!! Every one that passes u by click their tongues, would verve / turned too suddenly without warning(when I alrdy using medical-grade designed walking stick - due to physical balancing issues)or come close, just briefly enuff, giving unpleasant freeze-shock (invading personal space) esp a man to my femaleness - all these to elicit my automatic apology?!! , catch ur eye to turn their backs or their faces directly away 90°
as u responded humanlike,
What is definition, proffesionally of Community Violence?
Community - as in others of different cultures do same behaviour actions to check out alternative responses to a too familiar cultural phenomena.

@lonerhappy

3y↑1

@Gemma Dann -this is my neighbor. What a nut case and pathological liar.

@lonerhappy

@Gemma Dann -this woman plays victim as well. I worked for her, did many things for her and was kind to her. Being kind doesn’t get you any where. It’s a long story and I’m tired of telling it. She’s not nice. I thought of leaving but I’m staying in my house. This week I am putting up cameras. I have been followed, slandered and have taken what they dished out. I will continue to be happy. She will not take that away from me.

@mikomelandro

3y↑54

The more mature I am the more I understand what gaslighting is..
Just cut some of my old friends that I thought I'm okay reconnecting with them otherwise after analyzing some patterns and healed 'some parts' of my self, it's okay to stay in the distance eventhough I still forgive them, you'll realize they're so miserable.. but you don't have to care that much, becoz u don't wanna be contaminated by their toxicities.. sometimes it's sad seeing them with their destructive patterns, or even worse if it's pathological.. oh bless them😩. and This video is such a clear confirmation! Thank You.
👍🏻✨🙏🏻

@lindathurston21

3y↑2

Yes me too. Good for you.

@panda-chan4852

3y↑5

Omg, I am going exactly the same with your situation! Sometimes we outgrow certain people and it's not our full responsibility to make them see what is right or wrong and some are just content with being in their comfort zone.

@hestergreen2031

1y↑5

Oh my gosh, you hit the mail right on his head. I’ve seen this. I’ve experienced this first hand. And when it took place, it threw me off guard, then I realized it is a matter of sticking up for myself, and not let them bully me. Things were fine after that. Thanks for the video.

@douglasdowney3290

49w↑5

It is helpful to learn this. If you can recognize straight away that you are being manipulated you can protect yourself and get out early from what could be a toxic relationship.

@blunewhouse7528

1y↑47

I put up with this for 4 years. He kept everything I owned. I fled to the other side of the world just to safe my life 💜

@MauriceDunstan

47w↑7

I got away with only what I was wearing because he thought that I'd have to go back to him if he kept everything.
I had to borrow so many things for months but I didn't go back and I eventually came out on top.

@michellebudziszewski8242

45w↑5

This is what's happening to me. I just got a job so I can leave. Everything will be left behind.

@patticakesintexas

44w↑5

I lost everything too. Now, 9 years later, I have rebuilt my life. My heart breaks for you all. It's worth leaving everything to have peace. ❤

@blunewhouse7528

44w

@@patticakesintexas So True Dat 💖

@authenticme7351

3y↑192

I've heard them all before. So glad I'm divorced almost 3 years now

@warrenmccarty256

3y↑2

Is there a difference in quality of life how is he doing now and how are you doing financially

@neetusingh7362

3y↑3

I have also heard all of them and keep hearing them every now n then.

@jojored9647

3y↑1

What a coincidence so am I going on three she still tries to f*** my head but I won't let it happen keep your head up

@authenticme7351

@@jojored9647 right on. Don't let her. Every toxic person has his day coming. He still tries to play mind games with me to from afar as if I don't know he's a freakin narcissist.

@authenticme7351

3y↑7

@@warrenmccarty256 I have no idea about his quality and honestly I could care less. I'm doing better financially now than when I was with him. I'm a travel nurse and take vacations every 3 months. Just flew in from Boston and Rhode Island vacationing all alone and I absolutely love it.❤ I went completely NO CONTACT after the divorce.

23 More Replies...

@kimberlypruszynski1122

5w↑1

Once I started saying things like this video suggests, like "I will not tolerate abusive language" my husband gradually stopped. It was definitely a movement of God, he changed after 14 years of abuse. Thank you God!

@DraiiRynell

18w↑2

It’s videos like this that save ppls lives. Happy to find videos like this it makes me feel sain im tired of questioning myself

@badazzmaro

2y↑42

The, "you're reading to much into things" or "why do you care?" "You're overthinking/over analyzing things" hits really hard at home for me haha.

@Crimsonking2006

33w↑2

I also hate when people gaslight by saying "you're overthinking" because 1.) Its insulting and condescending 2.) Its power trippy 3.) Its relative.....meaning you are being more thorough and detail oriented evaluating a certain situation to understand the truth.

So those who accuse you of overthinking.....screw them. You can think as thoroughly as you damn well please to get to the answer. Its not their place to critique you on how deep you want to analyze a situation.

@Empre55

Fully agree I love my deep thinking self it keeps me free from gaslighters! 🎉😅

@brandinelson6470

3y↑151

I couldn’t let that happen, I will call people out on their shady behavior. I have no problem sticking up for myself or admitting when I’ve done wrong

@donnaparks1919

3y↑5

I did sis then smeared all over neighborhood her church contacted people in my apartment complex but she's only exposing herself I have to have help with something's due to severe dyslexia it people we both know no matter who I get to help me she finds out next time they may a comment I will call it what it is

@tellnolies8530

3y↑1

Exactly!! I told you you are so full of it !! He said if you know this then why are you with me .... I said I’m full of it too lol

@ruebencristobal7790

3y↑4

Why is it that whatever women say doesnt matter and is irrelevant?

@brandinelson6470

@@ruebencristobal7790 not sure what you mean

@ruebencristobal7790

3y↑2

@@brandinelson6470 Does anybody take western women seriously?

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@jocelynnowen3078

40w↑6

This video could have a part 2 with the abusive addict I’m trying and failing to help. This is a real asylum for me right now. I’m all jumpy mentally and I need to just calm down and keep faith. Take care people❤

@user-mo2sg2vj3s

46w↑1

Very helpful. I had no idea that him saying I need therapy is gaslighting but I had a strong sense something was off. So glad to have clarity and strength to move on.

@CaemahdlO

2y↑82

Gaslighting can be very dangerous. I know because in 2019 I almost wasn't here because I thought I was insane. I couldn't trust my own mind. It was a crazy time. This was in the work place. It happened to me recently, but luckily this time 2019 educated me into knowing the term gaslighting & what the signs are, so I handled it much better

@jojososomusugogo856

28w↑2

did i write this? lol

@hartleyb8356

26w↑2

wondering if I wrote it too!

@lizzy5437

3y↑107

“You’re making this a bigger deal than it really is”

@debrakeller2135

3y↑4

If you don't know then you don't know how it is. I have a 37 year old son who treats me like his dead ex step father. It's very sad. I am being punished.

@authenticme7351

3y↑6

Said every narcissist

@ruebencristobal7790

@@authenticme7351 Said all your boyfriends Im sure and you probably still go out with the same types of manipulators

@authenticme7351

3y↑1

@@ruebencristobal7790 I'm a Mental Health and Psych Nurse Practitioner now. It takes 2 to tangle. Go seek therapy...Narcissist!!

@ruebencristobal7790

3y↑1

@@authenticme7351 Not a narcissist. Just telling the truth...

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@kimberH1005

45w↑18

If you are in a relationship like this GET OUT !! You want things to change but as much as you want it to things will not change. Think if you had a friend telling a story like this about themselves. You would tell them to get out. Follow your own advice. And cut off all contact. I was in the most passionate relationship I could imagine but it was toxic. I moved back to my previous city because I was afraid I would cave in. The attraction was that strong. NEVER LOOK BACK.

@janetgeesey150

1y↑12

My ex husband was a controlling narcissist to the extreme. I was able to keep a level head though and escaped. Fortunately for me I was able to see through the manipulation and avoid the false promise of reconciliation. It was two of the worst years of my life.

@danetteshepard897

3y↑373

It's hard to identify when it's who gave birth to you. It took me 47 years to get it.

@motorcityblacksheep121

3y↑41

It sure is, took me 50 to realize it

@naomywanjiru941

3y↑44

I'm dealing with it today. My own mother

@Katrn30

3y↑29

It took me 58 years to realize my mother is a NPD...to be fair to me, I only found out what that was in counselling, what a game changer!

@wildewildestrawberries

3y↑16

Same but mine involves my younger sister. She is a relentless gas lighter.

@beachgirl9676

3y↑32

Yes. It took me 45 yrs in therapy to understand this illness about my own mother as well. And it’s also hard to divorce her; which I did as well to maintain my own sanity. Then she died after 20 plus years of no communication. More therapy. Best wishes to all of us abused people of this world. Blessings.

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@evemichael3850

3y↑85

Exactly, I found myself in the position that I was begging and apologising for things that wasnt my fault ... it's so weird once aware and looking back... it was so emotionally painful and confusing, and wanting their love and validation at the time, to fix me somehow, but refuse to realise their part. Yeah I've been doing some of the work on self belief and self love... so I guess I wont be hooked on people having to believe me (that's still a struggle) or their validation and hanging round longer than I should to try and 'fix things'. Peaceout homies x

@theosymommy

3y↑2

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

@SOLH-vq3lh

24w↑2

This is a great video, i have a relative whom used to make me sit on a chair while she vented all of her frustrations, like "i could have lived a so much better life if it werent for you kids" "i never should have had kids, now i am a slave to being a mother which i never wanted anyway" (this contradics her previous statements of me being born being her happiest moment in her life) (she also picked me as her favourite child, in front of my sister) "you are going to end up just like your abusive father no matter what you do, it's in your blood" (this made me wary of having children and i in part lost the love of my life due to me not wanting to have a child of my own)

Regardless of the shit she said, it was too much for a 9 year old to hear.

I told her about these "secret" venting in my adult years and she used just about every thing on the gaslight list.

Thanks for the video

@jdwar11

11w↑1

Brother this was one of my favorite videos of yours. Really nice to see your character come out a little more.

@TheSaneHatter

3y↑113

You know where I suddenly realize that I encountered gaslighting? In school. This was my teachers' blanket response to all the problems I encountered, especially bullying or abuse from the other kids. And this was true virtually everywhere I lived, during a lifetime of moving, at all grade levels until I got into college.

@stephaniestevens4873

3y↑4

That is so sad

@melissagoddard9902

3y↑6

I know what you were going through cause I got mistreated the same way when I was a kid right through until I graduated from high school. The teachers would blanket it like nothing happened it was total BS.

@verystylishordinarypeople

3y↑4

What was the blanket response?

@mikeross2728

1y↑9

I agree I went to Catholic school and got beatings everyday!! They were very abusive back in the 60s !! I was 5 or 6 when they started!!

@iloveFreedom.

1y↑4

@@mikeross2728 🧸 🍓 sorry you went thru that🧸
My parents were both teachers, and I became a teacher...theres' an undercurrent of emotional awareness seeping in slowly I believe, but jeez the cruelty is rife, I mean covert / control/ humiliation/ even in nursery schools, bless their hearts , so many traumatised people in general( teachers parents carers, everyone!) and systems which need to be streamlined and loved into proper inspiring caring loving environments connected to communities. but thankfully there are Angels everywhere, and we r sensitive and strong together. I believe. And we can create better 🎉

4 More Replies...

@ericgreen4610

3y↑100

Gaslighters are very indignant and guilty as charged. They won't admit the truth so they act on defensiveness.

@user-th9jn3uv2z

3y↑2

Thats how my dad is. I work for my dad only part time now and he still dont wanna admit that he needs me.

@ericgreen4610

3y↑1

@@user-th9jn3uv2z It's an ugly trait to deal with and that kind of behavior is not hurting anyone. It's only hurting themselves in the long run.

@juliettesleeve7452

3y↑1

Your right about this But let me make this clear who acts manplivative in a behavior the lawyers in court if they want win case and all experts at it !So I believe it's about who ahead who wins who's in controlsThats what gaslighting about accused the other person when they did nothing ?seriously what kind Relationship is that !

@dm5129

1y↑3

You can't go head to head with them either. You will never win that battle. You just live your life, they will mock you, they will belittle you, they will lie about you. You just carry on. Do not go over to any of them and confront them with the truth, not a single word, it won't do you any good. You have to realize you are dealing with evil, and thats that.

@tbessy1963

@@user-th9jn3uv2zme too. He can be mean and abuse me all he wants but if I say one thing back i'm the bad son. I only go there when necessary otherwise I stay away.

@Chrissyboo777

15w↑3

Definitely went through this! Wish I would have known years ago! Put bruises around my neck and “it’s your fault cuz you pulled away too hard!” 😮 Or “You are crazy!!
You need help. I will be right here for you.” Smh..Education is the key! Thanks for the video

@Symonelandd

18w↑2

Thank you , I needed this I'm a child abuse survivor whos healing day by day ❤️

@melo9411

3y↑33

After years I withdrew and started to not even like myself..I couldn't be me while I was with him...so many years..but it's over now. I see more and more every day what I hadn't seen while I was with him..honestly the strong hold starts releasing when you stop being intimate with him ( her) 💯

@dm5129

Yes, you hit the nail on the head. They want to destroy your identity. When they are around you can't be yourself.

@Katrn30

3y↑90

After 2 narc husbands, my NPD mother informed me that I had no business dating because I was bad at picking good men. Hmmm, she picked my first husband, and basically set me up to be a narc magnet. After one more relationship with an extreme, diagnosed NPD, who almost killed me, I finally got counselling and learned who did this to me, and how I could fix it. I worked on my self esteem, and simultaneously kicked every narc friend or family member to the curb...no contact. It’s been 5 years, and I am finally happy.

@KathrynSrce3719

1y↑7

Any variant of "it's your fault" you need to look out for, such as "because of you" and "you must have done something to deserve that". Also, the dismissive kinds of phrases like "it's in the past, let it go", and any variant of "when did I say/do that?" like "I don't know what you did/said to cause such a problem".

@thevikingwarrior

1y↑8

The most common one that I know of that I used to have in the past was this.... "Stop blaming all of your problems on everyone else", or "Remove the plank out of your eye, instead of the speck from your brother's eye" and "it could be worse, you should think yourself lucky as there are people worse off than you!" etc.

@redleeks6253

47w↑2

The starving children in Africa or the war regugees

@thevikingwarrior

47w↑2

@@redleeks6253 Yes, you know EXACTLY what I mean! 👍👍👍

@DinaSan1

1y↑84

Growing up with your parents doing that constantly is....
Quite the experience 😕

@deidrecrane

1y↑10

And then them telling you "But I love you". -_-

@Raptorx9100

50w↑4

genuinely hugs you and other poster-replies
We can heal through this. Everything is going to be okay.
pulls both of you closer in hug
We Matter.
How you feel is solid, and is real, there is no one else but your own self who are allowed to change that, define that, or try and take away from that.
Be whole. Be free. Smile. Laugh. Appreciate the sun rise as much as the sun setting.
The past was ugly for a beautiful future.
Find your tribe. Your people. and Grow! <3

@thelittleetherealghost

46w↑2

@DinaSan1 YEEEEUUP.

@BerryKind

46w↑1

I feel ya.... 😪 🤗

@babyhandgrenade4004

44w↑1

Hugs 🫂

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@rosiestewart870

3y↑96

i actually quit the best-paying job i'd had at that time, as my boss fit this mold exactly. i gave no notice. i just didn't go to work. when he phoned, i told him i would not be back. the verbal abuse was so horrific that i didn't care if he gave me bad references to future employers.

@eagleeye2300

3y↑17

Good for you, and that was so courageous. I quit on my own father, lol. He was standing over me in his office, berating me, and I told him I wasn't taking that from ANYONE, including him.

@blackredwhiteandblue1440

3y↑11

Just quit my job for the same reason, I will not take that crap… bye bye

@deeandrews7051

3y↑1

@@eagleeye2300 Was your father a lawyer? LOL

@Aoendkth-nv7au

@@deeandrews7051 🤣🤭

@jeepcj7909

2y↑2

His demons attacking from living in high sin your light annoys there demons

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@Revelation18-4

48w↑5

I never doubt what I know to be true. That really frustated the narcissist I was with. He couldn't break me.

@nvaranavage

46w↑12

The worst is when your gas lighter is your mother. I was blamed for everything. Note: I'm ADHD - in girls the symptoms are made worse because of our hormones: growing up i had a hard time understanding why I could not do things the same way as everybody else, however, whats really sucky is the fact that my parents believed the best way to handle this was to act as if nothing was wrong with me. I wouldnt doy homework, had trouble with impulse control physically and verbally, when i was in elementary school i stole and lied so my issues became mental anguish when i got into high school because my mother used my past issues from ES against me. Edit: i heard ALL these phrases from her my whole life, even into adulthood, even after I moved out, even after i got married. It stopped (regrettably) when she passed away. I still carry those emotional scars, that unfortunately my husband and children have to deal with.

@janeyuan5110

1y↑66

I’m a little shook right now because I’m watching this video after an argument with my partner today. He established 7 out of these statements. Word by word.
Called me an abusive person, aggressive, started diagnosing me(???!) as having a Split personality, said “I love you but you need help”, then immediately denied saying these terrible things, deflected, and said I imagined them. Turned it around and said I was putting words in HIS mouth...And so on. It was extremely hurtful and made me doubt my truths.
When I broke down crying he followed me into the room and said "omg look at you having a mental breakdown in the middle of the day! Enough with your alligator tears."
It was absolutely shocking, but this video is helping me tons. Thank you for making this video.

@alexisterry5417

1y↑15

You need to break up with him

@alexisterry5417

1y↑9

Wake up and break up

@alexisterry5417

1y↑1

You’re just misunderstanding him

@iloveFreedom.

1y↑9

@ginamero

he should be your x...it will never change

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@TheBlessedRed

2y↑112

@yolandagrabowski6043

1y↑2

For me to not put up with it, I have to physically die.

@franceshaggitt3104

1y↑2

I got rid of narc third final time he was worse after two years. I hear you. Are you okm now

@yolandagrabowski6043

1y↑2

😢❤💯

@nostarswithoutdarkness

1y↑2

Sending love your way, its going to be ok.

@yolandagrabowski6043

1y↑2

Devil woman?

4 More Replies...

@nordicexile7378

1y↑48

The bad thing is that I have said some of these things as the VICTIM of gaslighting, trying to stand up for myself: 1) "you're being abusive" because she actually was, and 2) "you're the only one who has a problem with me" when she accused me of being terrible to everyone. Of course she also accuses me of gaslighting her, trying to make me doubt my own sanity. It is totally FUed but I have to live nearby (we are separated, thankfully!) in order to be close to my son.

@androidtwofourtytwo2427

52w↑8

I was just about to say this exact thing. Same examples. It becomes confusing when my interactions with other people are almost always smooth and peaceful. Even during disagreement.

@diabloakland

51w↑4

That’s how i feel he uses my medical memory loss against me. This time i recorded him calling me all kinds of words

@chaoswitch1974

49w↑2

Of course we're going to tell an abuser they need help or their memory isn't right when they're gaslighting US! Of course!

@chaoswitch1974

49w↑1

Or also "just forget about it" when they're going on and on trying to convince you of whatever they're gaslighting you about.

@chaoswitch1974

49w↑1

... most of these things you say to them when they're gaslighting you.

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@franklinsmith6638

27w↑1

Excellent video. I'm mentally drained from all ten mentioned. Nothing you say will shut them down. You can't even cry. I had 4 PPOs
He, my narcisist ex, petitioned them and won 1 bc he befriended an attorneys secretary and she guided him. He contacted me by phone after receiving one and the judge gave him a warning even though I had 500 printed texts from him. I was able to get his probation officer to convince him I fear for my life so he filed a no contact order and my ex received it today. He cannot petition this one. I don't feel the no contact will help me and I am moving 3 hours away tomorrow. I accept responsibility for allowing to be abused. I had no boundaries and thought I could handle a narcisist sociopath evil person. I am free now. Looking forward to major therapy and going back to me. Run from anyone that has traits mentioned in this video. Teach children about personal boundaries as soon as they can talk.

@barbh1

1y↑12

It's very wonderful when one comes to understanding gaslighting. You can spot it immediately, and then you realize it's not you, but the gaslighter who is the problem. My boss tried to do it to me once too often, and I caught on right away. I quit my job, and I've never been sorry.

@bigk4755

1y↑22

Besides marriages and intimate relationships, gaslighters are also attracted to churches and belief groups. Something about the relative trusting relationships and that most people tend to have their guard down when in that setting makes it easy for gaslighters to seek out and victimize their prey.

@aaronbradford736

21w↑1

Pretty much, but more anything that gives them influence really, intimate or not. from HOAs to the government, the more influence and/or authority, the more they can prey on at once.

@patrickwade3150

1y↑8

My ex girlfriend was very good at all of these and she would combine them with very heavy sarcasm to try to make you feel stupid. One day it backfired big time and we were done. It was very freeing, and taught me a good life lesson.

@bettyweimer394

48w↑3

I have read about abusive parents but have never seen anything about children who are narcissistic with their parents! My daughter has tried to blame me for so many things when it was obvious that the problem lies with her! I am calmer when I don’t have to deal with her!

@antoinettechang4518

3y↑36

Thank you for this video
It made me realise people around me are gaslighting me all time even it was not my fault .
Prefer to be alone and happier !

@ruebencristobal7790

You love it

@dm5129

Prefer to speak to people who discuss such important issues and to people who are dealing with very bad people, like I have to deal with very bad people. We can learn from each other and help each other.

@anndavis2920

My yearlong goal, vow is to stay alone & single forever. This is whats good for me

@sage9836

3y↑48

I think one way to detect gaslighting is to ask yourself "If I believed this, what would the other person get - or get away with?" (I wouldn't ask the gaslighter anything.)

@ellemarie4271

1y↑4

They were like fighting with my ex-husband all over again. Thank you for the validation. Also I'm proud I went no contact even if it seemed heartless to others.

@rachelreich9234

1y↑3

The one my narcissistic ex used was " that's your view of reality I don't have to ascribe to it."

@AllenLJames

3y↑28

My ex-wife was acting mad at me. I asked her what was wrong, her answer was you know. I answer no I don't. She said think about it. At that time I started to walk away. Then She asked me where I was going,I responded to go and think about it. Never gave it another thought.

@loryjones7220

3y↑86

My ex-boyfriend always said, "I'm just TEASING you!" My BS Meter went off whenever he said this, couching his true feelings or thoughts under a "humorous" veneer. One time I told him, "Well, I love you anyway," and he got upset and said, "ANYWAY??" I replied, "I'm just TEASING you! Now--how does it feel?" Shortly after, I broke up with him. So done with the nonsense.

@ruebencristobal7790

3y↑5

Did you move on to the next great gaslighter? Cuz it seems thats the only type of person girls are attracted to...it shows they are dominant in a relationship...just admit it, you want a gaslighting charmer over a nice respectful man anyday of the week because its exciting and an emotional rollercoaster...

@beverlytate2669

@@ruebencristobal7790 I was just sitting here daydreaming over a man who had realized he was gaslighting his wife plus not believing her about postpartum depression. She turned to meth. They split up but he still pays her and his own rent so she can take care of their twins and they share custody. He said he learned the hard way that you have to listen to your partner. He learned to be sweet. So sexy.**

**Him in general, not just every one who learns lessons as we're all learning all the time. It's a crush ok.

I haven't seen him in about 2 1/2 years but I still have a crush on him for being humble. (Attractive, too)
I realize everyone isn't this way.

@mountainangel1

3y↑2

Nice come back!

@Damesanglante

49w

Teasing is not gaslighting.
He seemed to have dodged a bullet.

@loryjones7220

49w↑1

@@ruebencristobal7790 You're assuming too much for what your cranium can handle. Or maybe you're speaking from your own experience. He taught me what toxins to look for in others. I've learned my lesson. Have you?

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@christinalw19

27w↑2

I have not had this in my romantic relationships, but endured it from my mother and older sister for many years. Many years.

@marlenevideos8666

39w↑1

I found this video very helpful. I encountered a lady that became a friend, who is no longer, a friend of mine that was a gaslighter that used on your list #7. I'd like to add another phrase another x friend said to me when I walked out ending that conversation. I stopped communicating with him, so he left a voicemail that was not apologetic, but instead to uphold his gaslighting behavior by saying,
"I did the best I could do."

@valeriesee4336

3y↑51

This is my husband to a tee. He's such a gaslighter that when I catch him in a lie, he blames it on everyone, including me as to why he lied. NEVER accepting responsibility for the shyt he says.

@makaylacree2965

3y↑5

Are you okay?

@evelina787

2y↑6

@@makaylacree2965 God bless you It's sweet of you to @sk:-i know the question wsn't for me, but i just had to comment, how caring of you God bless you 🙏

@makaylacree2965

2y↑6

@@evelina787 i asked because I know how low I felt when this stuff happened to me. 🥺

@evelina787

2y↑3

@@makaylacree2965 Yes i know completely :-It's like sometimes you feel like no-one understnds what you've been through, but the only ones whom truly do, are those folk, the ones whom've walked in simil@r shoes :-Which is why your comments are so importnt, bec@use you've been in simil@r shoes, so you completely understnd
Just wished you to know this, bec@use sometimes we simply don't see, our good qualities 😢🙏God bless you 🕯️🙏i hope you are ok🕯️&lifes treating you well 🕯️🙏

@dm5129

1y↑2

Someone that does that to you is a person that is usually in a great amount of pain, often making the wrong choices in life, often just wanting to use you for whatever.
It is a person that is very obviously extremely unhappy with his or her own life or life situation.
People that have fun in life and are peaceful, they don't attack. Peaceful people have nothing to prove. Just human beings trying their best to live a peaceful live.
My abusers got so bad I have to turn my phone off so they do not torture me when I am home.
Yes, toxic is a very good word.

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@oliviao2238

3y↑34

Since society has changed, this video is like a refresher course on how to navigate and handle situations like this. In life, we can't always play the victim card when we can just not be around these toxic people. Remember, we are human, and we all make mistakes; this video drives that point in all directions. Another blueprint Brainy Dose has laid it out for us.

@chervargas5525

38w

I needed this video. I feel strong in every other area of my life. I feel like giving up today. Like my skin has been peeled off my body, emotionally. This has been the hardest year of my life, and I have hoped during this separation from my husband we would both heal.

@dennisrediske6338

1y↑1

Wow, been going on at my work but until now I couldn't put my finger on it. Thank You! God. Bless

@realhealing7802

3y↑24

No contact saved my mental health!

@anndavis2920

1y↑1

Mine too. Praise be to God!

@penelopemorrison7390

3y↑41

When discussing marriage counseling, my narc put his hand on my knee and said "I'm so glad you are agreeing to go, you have a lot to work on..." ummm I dont think that's how marriage counseling goes....

@laronzacoleman3121

3y↑7

And it sounds like you're still with him. "My narc" sounds a little cringe to me, it speaks a lot of volumes of your feelings towards your situation.....

@MrSomebodyStrange

3y↑2

@@laronzacoleman3121 Judging by the people on the Internet, half of the population are "narcs". One of the most overused words in recent years.

@ritanelson8879

3y↑1

My ex refused to go to counseling. Then he said "you go and get better, then come back."

@carolinelaronda4523

What a cringey douche moment .. I feel for you

@dm5129

1y↑1

Oh wow, you can be guaranteed he doesnt want to look at his own problems and just rather dumps it all on you.

1 More Replies...

@schawnettarobinson8584

1y↑3

No contact is the best way to go!!!!❤

@Deecee2006

36w↑1

Thank you so so much for the video.I have been in this situation for 20 years.I felt like am watching my own life once again.

@BrainyDose

36w

Glad it helped

@soundrat

3y↑28

I come across a few at work and among roommates. The gas lighter/narcissist is one of the most difficult to cure due to past environmental and social upbringing and damage. They even can try to throw up trained counselors trying to treat their problem. I find that it is either best to stick to facts no matter what they say and draw boundaries, then don’t continue to engage them. Then after that if they don’t apologize, then ignore them as if they are not there. That drives them nuts. Best to try to stay away from them as they are too toxic and will likely not change their behavior and attitude.

@iononcantomascrivo

1y↑33

I had a former friend do this to me. After she isolated me from everyone that I cared about, she convinced me that I needed to be on medication and that I had a chemical imbalance. Once I connected with a former friend of hers whom she had done the same thing to, I realized that she was an incredibly toxic mess. I went off the meds and was able to see things more clearly. Her plan was to have me doped up so I wouldn't see what she was doing to me. She was stealing from me. See, I'm an artist and she had taken my creative property and passed it off as hers in which had opened doors for her in an industry she knew little about. She had no respect for boundaries, zero regard for the word no being a complete sentence and no accountability. Thus she had no expectation of there being reprisals and consequences for her shitty behavior. She even had the nerve to say, the day my estranged father died (whom she outed me to), that the two of us “never got along anyway.” She denied saying such a thing even, though, her own husband had thrown her under the bus and was appalled at her behavior. She was a liar, a thief, a backstabber, a total loser and an abject failure at being a wife and mother. She would have sold her own children up the river if she knew it could have gotten her what she wanted. She didn't count on me keeping receipts in the form of screenshots and e-mails. I published all of them on social media. She threatened to sue me. I told her she couldn't sue me for posting the truth and especially when they were her own words. She was beyond intellectually lazy and despite her claims of having aspirations of becoming a professional writer, she couldn't spell simple grade-school level words to save her life. Everyone knew it was her. She blamed me for ruining her life. I told her the hole she dug for me ended up being her own grave. I blocked her on everything and I haven't seen her or heard from her in over a decade. My life is far less complicated without her in it.

@newperve

1y↑3

No you don't have a further friend who did this to you. You have someone who pretended to be a friend who did this to you.

@sevenstarred77

14w↑2

Oh my goodness I have a friend just like this, and I'm actually trying to close the door on the Friendship for good. Because of the toxic behavior and her verbal abuse and talking behind my back back stealing an excessive crack use, SHE'S 90 POUNDS SOAKING WET mean not to be mean but the girl looks like Smeagol👽🤯🤢🧐 because of all the crack she's used in a period of 25 years🤓 and I tried to tell her what to do to fix her teeth 😷and hair and things like that and she doesn't listen so she's jealous of me because I have all my teeth and not to be shallow but I'm not ugly so guys like me, and she's very envious because of that mean while I was a great friend to her always there for her, and even let her live with me for 2 to 3 months when she had nowhere to go. So now I'm at the last stage where I'm avoiding her completely because she tends to be violent. But I need to put a cork in it and finalize this friendship so to speak. In bottom line I can't be seen with her people think I'm using drugs just by being around her because she makes me look bad. She honestly -with no exaggeration, looks like a walking crack stem. And now I'm saying that to be mean because she's been very mean to me😂 but mainly she's told people confidential medical issues about me but meanwhile she has worst medical issues than me due to her promiscuity and drug use, you can guess😮

@marjoriepreston8546

25w↑11

Add this one: "I said I was sorry." A former friend was too engrossed in her own (endless) problems to call when someone I love died suddenly. Our friendship was on its last legs by then, and when I tried to tell her why this troubled me, she snapped, "I SAID I was sorry." As if this were a minor issue, and I was making too much of it. Soon after, everything fell apart.