Agency Man
Frank Zappa Lyrics


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Sell us a president, agency man
Smiling Big Brother, stern father perhaps
Sell us a president, agency man
A gay smiling nothing we know never craps

Let's try California
(Pay us first before we do it!)
We'll get a smiling nazi
And march him right on through it
Rent a baby
Kiss a baby
Ladies in for tea

And here's a bunch of speeches
We'll toss them in for free

Sell us a president, agency man
Smiling Big Brother, stern father perhaps
Sell us a president, agency man
A gay smiling nothing we know never craps

We'll sell him in the movies
On the tube throughout the year
We'll sell him by the buckets
To the Okies drinking beer
We'll teach him how to walk and talk
We'll putty up his chin
We'll print his picture everywhere
Of course the SCHMUCK will win

From the heart of old Death Valley
To the ruling of our land




A simple trick, you simple pigs
Just the way we planned

Overall Meaning

"Agency Man" is a satirical song by Frank Zappa that criticizes the political manipulations of the American government. The song starts with the lyrics "Sell us a president, agency man," which refer to how politicians are marketed to the public as products. The "Agency Man" is a reference to the advertising agencies that work for political campaigns, whose job is to create and market a particular image of the candidate.


The song goes on to describe how the agencies manipulate the public with various tactics, such as renting babies for photo-ops, staged speeches, and selling the candidate through movies and television. The lyrics are critical of the superficial nature of politics and how image and marketing are often more important than substance or policy.


Zappa also touches on the idea of American exceptionalism and the way politicians are marketed to appeal to the masses. The line "A gay smiling nothing we know never craps" is a satirical jab at the idea that Americans are sold an image of a perfect candidate who is always smiling and never makes mistakes.


Overall, "Agency Man" is a scathing critique of American politics and the way politicians are marketed to the public. It exposes the superficiality of political campaigns and the way image and marketing are often more important than substance or policy.


Line by Line Meaning

Sell us a president, agency man
Request for the services of an advertising executive who can help sell a political candidate to the public


Smiling Big Brother, stern father perhaps
The desired image of the candidate is one that is both friendly and authoritative


A gay smiling nothing we know never craps
The candidate's personal beliefs and values are not important, as long as they can maintain their public image successfully


Let's try California
The advertising firm suggests trying out the campaign in California first


(Pay us first before we do it!)
Payment is expected for the agency's services before any work is done


We'll get a smiling nazi
The candidate may have undesirable traits, but the agency is confident they can still make them appealing to the public


And march him right on through it
The campaign will proceed regardless of any criticism or protests


Rent a baby
The candidate should make public appearances with young children to appear more relatable


Kiss a baby
Further emphasizing the importance of appearing family-oriented


Ladies in for tea
Campaign events should be organized to appeal to certain demographics


And here's a bunch of speeches
The agency will provide pre-written speeches for the candidate to use


We'll toss them in for free
These speeches are included in the cost of the agency's services


We'll sell him in the movies
The candidate will appear in films to promote their image


On the tube throughout the year
The candidate will also appear in television commercials throughout the year


We'll sell him by the buckets
The campaign will be marketed aggressively to the public


To the Okies drinking beer
The campaign's target audience includes blue collar workers and rural Americans


We'll teach him how to walk and talk
The candidate will receive extensive media training to ensure they present themselves correctly in public


We'll putty up his chin
The candidate's physical appearance will be altered if necessary to improve their image


We'll print his picture everywhere
The candidate's likeness will be prominently displayed in campaign materials


Of course the SCHMUCK will win
The campaign is confident in their ability to make even an unsuitable candidate successful


From the heart of old Death Valley
The campaign is willing to go to any lengths to ensure success


To the ruling of our land
The campaign hopes to influence the future direction of the country by controlling who holds political office


A simple trick, you simple pigs
The campaign's manipulation of public opinion is easy to achieve and the public are seen as gullible


Just the way we planned
The advertising firm is confident in their strategy and expects it to be successful




Contributed by Annabelle S. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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