Dental Hygiene Dilemma
Frank Zappa Lyrics


Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴

[Jeff:] Han-Min-Noon-Toon Han-Toon-Ran
[Good Conscience:] No, Jeff!
[Jeff:] Rantoon, Rantoon, Rantoon, Frammin, Hantoon, Rantoon, Hantoon, Frammin
[Good Conscience:] No no no!
[Jeff:] Man! This stuff is great! It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom... ! Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission.
Good Conscience:] For I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, becoming a technicolor interpositive!
[Jeff:] Huh? Where'd you buy that incense? It's hip.
[Good Conscience:] It's the same and mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on.
[Jeff:] I thought I recognized it... Sniff, sniff... Mmm, what is that, MUSK? Sniff, sniff, sniff... mmmh!
[Good Conscience:] Jeff, I know what's good for you.
[Jeff:] Right. You're heavy.
[Good Conscience:] Yes, Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don't rip off the towels, Jeff!
[Bad Conscience:] Piss off, you little nitwit!
[Jeff:] Hey man, what's the deal?
[Good Conscience:] Don't listen to him, Jeff, he's no good. He'll make you do BAD THINGS!
[Jeff:] You mean, he'll make me sin?
[Good Conscience:] Yes, Jeff. SIN!
[Jeff:] Wow!
[Bad Conscience:] Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you... about your soul.
[Good Conscience:] No, don't listen, Jeff.
[Bad Conscience:] Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music?
[Jeff:] You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group.
[Bad Conscience:] Comedy music...
[Good Conscience:] Jeff, YOUR SOUL!

[Right Channel:]
Oh, ah
Oh, you're wasting your life
To be...
Ah

[Left Channel:]
Oh, ah
Ah, ah
Too heavy, Jeff

[Jeff:] In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music. HE EATS!
[Good Conscience:] Jeff!
[Jeff:] I get so tense!
[Bad Conscience:] Of course you do, my boy.
[Jeff:] The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall!
[Bad Conscience:] That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ.
[Jeff:] And quit the group!
[Bad Conscience:] You'll make it big!
[Jeff:] That's right.
[Bad Conscience:] Of course!
[Jeff:] And then I won't be SMALL!

Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ti-diddly-diddly-dee
Ha, ha, ha...
He-he-he-he-heh!

[Jeff:] Cough, cough. Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest MILDEW rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions... It's still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It's great for the home! The office! On fruits!
[Bad Conscience:] This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like GRAND FUNK! Or BLACK SABBATH...
[Good Conscience:] No, Jeff...
[Jeff:] Or COVEN!
[Good Conscience:] Peace... Love...
[Bad Conscience:] Bollocks!
[Jeff:] What can I say about this elixir?

[Howard:] Jeff has gone out there on that stuff!
[Good Conscience:] He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis...
[Mark:] That was BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff IS flipping out. Road fatigue! We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie!
[Bad Conscience:] You have a brilliant career ahead of you, my boy, Just GET OUT OF THIS GROUP!
[Mark:] Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group. Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension.
[Howard:] Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Phlorescent Leech!
[Mark:] Jeff, Jeff, it's me, Eddie!

WOW!
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR!

[Mark:] Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your (Jim Bean Boy), and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your...heh...on...on your pizzas. Put it on your shoes, tie your bike with it, and fill up your tires with it.

[Howard:] Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a...

[Jim Pons:] Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe your puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. Love it.

What?
WOW!
What can I?
WOW!
What?




What can I say about this?
WOW!

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Frank Zappa’s song Dental Hygiene Dilemma relay the story of Jeff, a member of a rock comedy group, who is struggling to find his place in the band. In the song, Jeff is having an inner dialogue with his good conscience and his bad conscience. Jeff’s good conscience advises him to stay in the group while his bad conscience encourages him to quit and get his own heavy metal group. He also talks about his fascination with an elixir that makes him feel high.


The song is a satire of the rock music industry and its hedonistic culture of drugs, sex, and fame. Zappa is known for his humorous and cynical take on popular culture and this song is no exception. Dental Hygiene Dilemma is a commentary on the pressure that musicians face to conform to a certain image and lifestyle in order to become successful.


Line by Line Meaning

Han-Min-Noon-Toon Han-Toon-Ran
Expressing enthusiasm and excitement for the experience of listening to an invigorating and inspiring musical performance.


No, Jeff!
A cautionary response to Jeff's exuberant behavior, indicating a sense of disapproval or disagreement with his actions.


Rantoon, Rantoon, Rantoon, Frammin, Hantoon, Rantoon, Hantoon, Frammin
Playfully mimicking the sounds and rhythms of the music, highlighting the intoxicating effect it has on Jeff's state of mind.


No no no!
Reiterating the disapproval and advising against continuing with the current behavior.


Man! This stuff is great! It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom... ! Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission.
Expressing the profound impact of the music and its ability to transport Jeff's mind to a state of enlightenment and introspection, albeit influenced by mind-altering substances.


For I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, becoming a technicolor interpositive!
Presenting the concept of a personified conscience that claims to possess omniscience and promotes love and positivity as a guiding force.


Huh? Where'd you buy that incense? It's hip.
Questioning the origin of a specific type of incense and acknowledging its popularity and trendiness.


It's the same and mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on.
Drawing a parallel between the incense and the preference of the Beatles, suggesting its association with a mystical and captivating aura.


I thought I recognized it... Sniff, sniff... Mmm, what is that, MUSK? Sniff, sniff, sniff... mmmh!
Identifying the familiar scent of the incense, appreciating its pleasant aroma, and speculating its components.


Jeff, I know what's good for you.
Reaffirming the role of the good conscience as a source of wise advice and guidance regarding Jeff's well-being.


Right. You're heavy.
Acknowledging the credibility and significance of the good conscience's influence and considering it to be substantial.


Yes, Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don't rip off the towels, Jeff!
Emphasizing the good conscience's role as a guiding force and cautioning Jeff against engaging in misbehavior, specifically referring to a specific action related to towels.


Piss off, you little nitwit!
An offensive and dismissive remark from the bad conscience, aimed at undermining and belittling Jeff, highlighting the negative influence it represents.


Hey man, what's the deal?
Inquiring about the intentions or motives behind a certain situation or behavior, expressing curiosity and seeking clarification.


Don't listen to him, Jeff, he's no good. He'll make you do BAD THINGS!
Warning Jeff against heeding the bad conscience's advice, emphasizing its detrimental influence and the likelihood of engaging in negative actions.


You mean, he'll make me sin?
Grasping the consequences of following the bad conscience's guidance, understanding it as a path toward sinful actions.


Wow!
Exclaiming in awe or astonishment, expressing amazement at the realization of potential wrongdoing.


Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you... about your soul.
Indicating the bad conscience's intention to address a serious matter concerning the essence or spiritual well-being of Jeff.


No, don't listen, Jeff.
Urging Jeff to disregard the bad conscience's attempt to engage him in a discussion regarding his soul, emphasizing its negative influence.


Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music?
Questioning the purpose and value of Jeff's current activities, suggesting that his involvement in comedy music is pointless and unfulfilling.


You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group.
Agreeing with the bad conscience's assessment that Jeff's potential lies beyond the scope of the current comedy group, considering himself as having greater potential or capabilities.


Comedy music...
Expressing disdain or dissatisfaction with the nature or genre of the music Jeff has been playing, viewing it as trivial or lacking substance.


Jeff, YOUR SOUL!
Reiterating the importance and urgency of considering Jeff's soul and making choices that align with its well-being and fulfillment.


Oh, ah
Uttering sounds that may represent surprise, astonishment, or disbelief, highlighting the emotional impact of the situation.


Oh, you're wasting your life
Expressing concern and disappointment with Jeff's current trajectory, recognizing that he is not utilizing his potential and opportunities effectively or meaningfully.


To be... Ah
Implying an unfinished thought or idea, possibly suggesting that there is more to be said or understood about Jeff's situation.


Ah, ah
Uttering sounds that may indicate uncertainty or contemplation, recognizing the complexity or ambiguity of the situation.


Too heavy, Jeff
Reinforcing the idea that Jeff's capabilities and potential extend beyond the current situation, suggesting he is better suited for more challenging or substantial endeavors.


In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music. HE EATS!
Expressing discontent and frustration with the limited role Jeff has in the group, feeling overshadowed by Zappa's creative control and dominance.


Jeff!
Calling Jeff's attention and expressing concern or disagreement with his previous statement or behavior.


I get so tense!
Admitting to feeling pressure, stress, or anxiety as a result of the situation or circumstances Jeff finds himself in.


Of course you do, my boy.
Acknowledging and confirming the validity of Jeff's feelings of tension, subtly reinforcing the bad conscience's influence.


The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall!
Expressing frustration or dissatisfaction with the unconventional or unconventional nature of the tasks or actions assigned by Zappa, finding them absurd or unreasonable.


That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ.
Suggesting that the most beneficial course of action for Jeff would be to resign or quit his position within Zappa's group, emphasizing the advantages of separating himself from that environment.


And quit the group!
Expressing the decision or desire to leave the current group, implying a desire for independence and autonomy.


You'll make it big!
Encouraging and offering reassurance about the potential for future success and achievement if Jeff decides to leave the group and pursue his own path.


That's right.
Affirming the previous statement or sentiment, indicating agreement or alignment with the suggestion of leaving the group.


And then I won't be SMALL!
Expressing the aspiration to overcome a sense of insignificance or being overshadowed by others, anticipating a future where Jeff can carve his own path and be recognized for his individuality or achievements.


Ha ha ha ha ha!
Laughing in amusement or satisfaction, possibly indicating a sense of liberation or relief associated with the newfound decision or realization.


Ha ha ha!
Continuing the expression of laughter, suggesting an increasing sense of joy or excitement.


Ti-diddly-diddly-dee
Uttering playful, nonsensical sounds, contributing to the lighthearted and comedic tone of the song.


Ha, ha, ha...
Continuing the laughter, possibly suggesting a lingering sense of amusement or satisfaction.


He-he-he-he-heh!
Expressing a mischievous or gleeful reaction through chortles and laughter, symbolizing a departure from the previous concerns or constraints.


Cough, cough. Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest MILDEW rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions... It's still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It's great for the home! The office! On fruits!
Engaging in a comical monologue about the origin and potential uses of a towel, primarily focusing on its peculiarities and overwhelmingly pleasant scent, describing it as a versatile and powerful substance with the potential to enhance various aspects of life.


This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like GRAND FUNK! Or BLACK SABBATH...
Encouraging Jeff to embrace his true self and engage in rebellious behavior, suggesting that he should further indulge in acts of defiance and leave the comedy group to form his own band, offering examples of heavy and influential musical groups.


No, Jeff...
Disagreeing with the bad conscience's suggestions and advising Jeff against following its advice, expressing concern for his well-being.


Or COVEN!
Mentioning another potential influential band, further emphasizing the bad conscience's suggestion for Jeff to pursue a heavier, more intense musical direction.


Peace... Love...
Promoting values of harmony, understanding, and compassion as desirable alternatives to the suggestions made by the bad conscience, urging Jeff to prioritize these principles in his decision-making.


Bollocks!
Expressing strong disagreement or disregard for the ideas or values presented by the good conscience, implying a preference for a more rebellious or unconventional path.


Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your (Jim Bean Boy), and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your...heh...on...on your pizzas. Put it on your shoes, tie your bike with it, and fill up your tires with it.
Listing whimsical and absurd suggestions for using the aforementioned elixir, suggesting unconventional and nonsensical applications, creating a playful and surreal atmosphere.


Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a...
Continuing the list of absurd and fantastical applications for the elixir, further emphasizing its versatility and transformative properties, with a touch of satire and humor.


Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe your puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. Love it.
Suggesting increasingly bizarre and surreal uses for the elixir, showcasing the limitless possibilities and eccentricity associated with its application.


What?
Expressing surprise, confusion, or disbelief, possibly in response to the pervasive and eccentric themes mentioned previously.


WOW!
Experiencing a sense of astonishment, marvel, or revelation, emphasizing the extraordinary nature of the elixir and its potential effects.


What can I?
Expressing a sense of wonder, curiosity, or amazement, pondering the unfathomable possibilities or implications associated with the elixir.


What?
Repeating the previous exclamation, suggesting ongoing fascination or intrigue regarding the elixir and its mysterious qualities.


What can I say about this?
Expressing a genuine inability to adequately describe or explain the complex and profound nature of the elixir, acknowledging its indescribable qualities.


Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your (Jim Bean Boy), and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your...heh...on...on your pizzas. Put it on your shoes, tie your bike with it, and fill up your tires with it.
Repeating the absurd and fantastical suggestions for utilizing the elixir, reinforcing the playful and humorous portrayal of its versatility and transformative powers.


He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis...
Expressing regret or admonishing Jeff for using the elixir mentioned previously, suggesting its negative consequences and contrasting it with the less harmful incense alternative.


That was BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff IS flipping out. Road fatigue! We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie!
Providing context for Jeff's current state of mind, attributing it to exhaustion from road travel and mentioning a visual source of influence that has contributed to his instability, expressing a sense of urgency to restore Jeff to his previous state before Zappa discovers the elixir and incorporates it into a film project.


You have a brilliant career ahead of you, my boy, Just GET OUT OF THIS GROUP!
Encouraging Jeff to recognize his potential and offering optimistic predictions about his future success, emphasizing the importance of separating himself from the current comedy group.


Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Phlorescent Leech!
Addressing Jeff and revealing one's identity as the Phlorescent Leech, suggesting a previous encounter or relationship between the two characters.


Jeff, Jeff, it's me, Eddie!
Addressing Jeff and revealing one's identity as Eddie, implying a known or familiar connection between the two characters.


WOW!
Experiencing a renewed sense of surprise, awe, or astonishment, reiterating the extraordinary nature of the elixir or possibly in response to the previous interactions.


What can I say about this elixir?
Repeating the previous pondering of the elixir's essence or qualities, acknowledging its elusive and ineffable nature.


Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your (Jim Bean Boy), and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your...heh...on...on your pizzas. Put it on your shoes, tie your bike with it, and fill up your tires with it.
Repeating the absurd and fantastical suggestions for utilizing the elixir, accentuating its boundless versatility and potential applications.


Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a...
Reiterating the eccentric and far-fetched suggestions for utilizing the elixir, underscoring its transformative and unconventional qualities, maintaining a humorous and satirical tone.


Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe your puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. Love it.
Recalling the increasingly absurd and bizarre applications for the elixir, further emphasizing its limitless potential and surreal nature, embracing a sense of whimsy and imagination.


What?
Expressing renewed surprise or disbelief, echoing the previous sentiment regarding the elixir's inexplicable and enigmatic qualities.


WOW!
Reiterating the previous exclamation, magnifying the astonishment, wonder, or enthusiasm associated with the elixir's extraordinary attributes.


What can I?
Repeating the contemplative inquiry about the essence or implications of the elixir, suggesting ongoing speculation or marvel.


WOW!
Reiterating the profound impact and astonishment caused by the elixir, emphasizing its otherworldly and transformative properties.




Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Frank Vincent Zappa

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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