Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
Frank Zappa Lyrics


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There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three-foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
(In the name of The Lord)

Get a clue, little shrew
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk

Did he really choose Tammy to do His Work?
Robertson says that he's The One
Oh sure he is,
If Armageddon
Is your idea of family fun,
An' he's got some planned for you!
(Now, tell me that ain't true)

Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay,
Will Pat let Jimbo get away?
Everything we've heard him say
Indicated that Jim must pay,
(And it just might hurt a bit)
But keep that money rollin' in,
'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo
Can't get enough of it

Perhaps it's their idea
Of an Affirmative Action Plan
To give White Trash a 'special break',
Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank!
And every night we can hear them thank
Their Buddy, up above
For sending down his love
(While you all smell the glove)

Jim and Pat should take a pole
(Right up each saintly glory-hole),
With tar and feathers too
Just like they'd love to do to you

('Cause they think you are bad
And they are very mad)

'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school!

(We'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate,
And 'Jimbo-Jimbo' when they graduate)

Conviced they are 'The Chosen Ones'
And all their parents carry guns,
And hold them cards in the N.R.A.
(With their fingers on the triggers
When they kneel and pray)

With a Ku-Klux muu-muu
In the back of the truck,
If you ain't Born Again,
They wanna mess you up, screamin',
"No abortion, no-siree!"
"Life's too precious, can't you see!"
(What's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me
Would they do that seriously?)

Imagine if you will
A multi-millionaire Television Evangelist,
Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator

Studied Law
But is not qualified to practice it

Father of a "love child"
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program

Claims not to be a "Faith Healer",
But has, in the past,
Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes

Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in Central America
Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends

Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes',
(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.)

Claims to be a MAN OF GOD;
Currenty seeking the United States Presidency,
Hoping we will all follow him into
The Twilight Zone

What if Pat gets in the White House,
And suddenly
The rights of 'certain people' disappear
Mysteriously?

Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an American Tragedy?
(Especially if he covers it up, sayin'
"Jesus told it to me!")

I hope we never see that day,
In The Land of The Free
Or someday will we?
Will we?

And if you don't know by now,
The truth of what I'm tellin' you,
Then, surely I have failed somehow

And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you
If you let those TV Preachers
Make a monkey out of you!

I said,
"Jesus will think you're a jerk"
And it will be true!

There's an old rugged cross
In the land of cutton
It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn
And it still smells rotten

Jim and Tammy!
Oh, baby!




You gotta go!
You really got to go

Overall Meaning

The song "Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk" is a scathing critique of televangelists and their manipulation of people for their own personal gain, while preaching in the name of Jesus Christ. The lyrics describe the hypocrisy of some televangelists and the dangerous beliefs they spread. The first verse describes a woman whose husband is cheating on her while preaching in the name of the Lord. The chorus states that Jesus thinks she is a jerk for allowing herself to be manipulated and used in the name of religion. The second verse discusses the well-known televangelist Pat Robertson and his dangerous beliefs, including his association with the NRA, his opposition to abortion, and his involvement in a 'secret war' in Central America. The verse also questions what would happen if Robertson were to become president and began taking away the rights of certain groups of people.


The song was released on Frank Zappa's album "Broadway the Hard Way" in 1988. Zappa composed the song as a response to the televangelist scandals of the late 1980s. He was particularly outraged by Jim Bakker and his wife Tammy Fae, who were caught embezzling millions of dollars from their followers. Bakker was subsequently sentenced to 45 years in prison, and Tammy Fae later became an LGBTQ icon. The song's music style is a mix of rock, funk, and blues, and features some of Zappa's signature guitar work.


Line by Line Meaning

There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three-foot nine
There's a despicable person who is extremely short in stature.


Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
Their face is swollen from the act of crying and lying.


'Cause her sweet little hubby's
This person's spouse


Suckin' prong part time
Is engaging in extramarital activity


(In the name of The Lord)
Claiming to do it relating to religious reasons


Get a clue, little shrew
You need to get a hint or stop being so ugly


Oh yeah, oh yeah
Affirming the previous comment being true


Jesus thinks you're a jerk
Jesus sees you as a contemptible person.


Did he really choose Tammy to do His Work?
Did God actually select Tammy to carry out religious tasks?


Robertson says that he's The One
Pat Robertson claims that he is God's chosen one.


Oh sure he is,
Sarcastic agreement to previous comment


If Armageddon
If the end of the world


Is your idea of family fun,
Is what you think to be an entertaining family activity


An' he's got some planned for you!
God has some negative plan for you due to your beliefs.


(Now, tell me that ain't true)
Asking if the claim of previous comment is false.


Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay,
What if Jim is bisexual?


Will Pat let Jimbo get away?
Will Pat show leniency to Jim due to his sexuality?


Everything we've heard him say
All the previous comments made by Pat Robertson


Indicated that Jim must pay,
Suggest that Jim deserves to be punished accordingly.


(And it just might hurt a bit)
Jim's punishment will be somewhat painful.


But keep that money rollin' in,
Keep donating funds to the Church


'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo
Because Pat and Jim are profiting from the situation


Can't get enough of it
They are continuously making more money from it all.


Perhaps it's their idea
Perchance, it's their notion


Of an Affirmative Action Plan
To give priority to certain ethnicities or race


To give White Trash a 'special break',
To give white people who are deemed undesirable special treatment.


Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
They took Church's money and escaped with it.


To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank!
Repeatedly run to deposit money into bank accounts.


And every night we can hear them thank
Every evening, we hear Pat and Jim thank Jesus for their wealth and control.


Their Buddy, up above
Their friend, Jesus Christ who they follow through Christianity.


For sending down his love
Appreciating the love and compassion sent to them by Jesus.


(While you all smell the glove)
Suggesting while everyone else is ignoring the truth and just following along.


Jim and Pat should take a pole
The opinion about Jim and Pat need to be polled or evaluated.


(Right up each saintly glory-hole),
Referring to homosexuality and a place where the bathroom is divided for males and females.


With tar and feathers too
They should be physically punished.


Just like they'd love to do to you
Just as they would like to do to others who are not part of their group.


('Cause they think you are bad
The reason for wanting to punish others is based on the judgment that they are bad.


And they are very mad)
They are angry about the morality and actions of others.


'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school!
This is because certain people are against prayer in school.


(We'd need an ark to survive the drool
If prayer in school occurs, we'll need to find shelter.


Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate,
Referencing a group of Republicans who express bigotry and intolerance.


And 'Jimbo-Jimbo' when they graduate)
Referring to the likelihood for Jim and Pat to have followers.


Conviced they are 'The Chosen Ones'
They believe that they are chosen to undertake God's work.


And all their parents carry guns,
All their parents own guns.


And hold them cards in the N.R.A.
The parents are members of the NRA.


(With their fingers on the triggers
The parents are always prepared to use their weapons.


When they kneel and pray)
Even during prayer, they are ready to use their guns.


With a Ku-Klux muu-muu
Wearing the robes of the Klu Klux Klan, a US far-right organization.


In the back of the truck,
In the back of their vehicle or they possess the attire.


If you ain't Born Again,
If you do not believe in Christianity or not converted into Christianity


They wanna mess you up, screamin',
They want to harm or attack, verbally or physically.


"No abortion, no-siree!
They are against abortion.


"Life's too precious, can't you see!"
They believe that everyone's life is valuable.


(What's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree?
Questioning about an object that is hanging from the tree.


Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me
It appears to be black people or slaves.


Would they do that seriously?)
Can white people be capable of lynching black people?


Imagine if you will
Think about this with me for a moment.


A multi-millionaire Television Evangelist,
A person worth several million who preachers on Television.


Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father,
His father saved him from serving in Korea.


a U.S. Senator
He is a United States Senator.


Studied Law
He studied law.


But is not qualified to practice it
However, he does not hold a license to practice as an attorney.


Father of a "love child"
He has a child born from extra-marital relations.


Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Now grown, this child hosts the remains.


Of papa's religious propaganda program
He/she hosts a program related to his father's religious views.


Claims not to be a "Faith Healer",
Denies insinuations of being a faith healer.


But has, in the past,
Before has


Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes
He has previously addressed and spoken about everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes.


Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in Central America
Involved in funding a conflict which is not publicly known in Central America.


Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends
Asserting Ronald Reagan and Oliver North are his close friends.


Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes',
Involved with suspicious ways of not paying tax.


(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.)
Currently being investigated by IRS for the past 16 months.


Claims to be a MAN OF GOD;
Claims to live a righteous life and follow Christian teachings.


Currenty seeking the United States Presidency,
Currently attempting to become the President of the United States.


Hoping we will all follow him into
Hoping everyone will become his followers.


The Twilight Zone
Into an abnormal or confusing situation.


What if Pat gets in the White House,
What if Pat Robertson becomes president?


And suddenly
Unexpectedly, all of a sudden


The rights of 'certain people' disappear
The rights of certain people are abolished.


Mysteriously?
Secretly or in an unknown manner?


(Especially if he covers it up, sayin'
This is particularly true if he hides it and claims


"Jesus told it to me!")
Relaying the message of God.


I hope we never see that day,
The singer hope that day never approaches.


In The Land of The Free
In the United States of America where freedom is paramount.


Or someday will we?
But will it actually happen?


Will we?
Is this our future?


And if you don't know by now,
If you remain unaware until now.


The truth of what I'm tellin'
The reality of what I'm declaring.


you,
To you.


Then, surely I have failed somehow
The singer cannot convince the audience of the truth.


And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you
The singer cannot spread the teachings of Jesus.


If you let those TV Preachers
If you allow those who preach via Television


Make a monkey out of you!
To lower your intelligence or manipulate your behavior


I said,
The artist wants to remind the audience.


"Jesus will think you're a jerk"
If you blindly follow TV preachers, Jesus will consider you a fool.


And it will be true!
If you follow these preachers, the accusation is correct.


There's an old rugged cross
A metaphor for Christianity which is being disgraced.


In the land of cutton
In the Southern states where cotton is grown.


It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn
A cross is still burning on someone's property.


And it still smells rotten
It is still malodorous.


Jim and Tammy!
The artist is referring to Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye Bakker.


Oh, baby!
Interjection said in jest that suggests a playful quality.


You gotta go!
You must leave or depart.


You really got to go
You need to really exit.




Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Frank Zappa

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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