Packard Goose
Frank Zappa Lyrics

Maybe you thought I was the Packard Goose
Perhaps you assumed I was a fool

Or the Ronald MacDonald of the nouveau-abstruse
Or a cliché of contemporary art

Well fuck all them people, I don't need no excuse
I reject societal expectations and refuse to justify myself

For being what I am
For being myself

Do you hear me, then?
Do you understand my perspective?

All them rock 'n roll writers is the worst kind of sleaze
Rock journalism is a base profession

Selling punk like some new kind of English disease
Promoting punk as if it were a contagious affliction

Is that the wave of the future?
Is that what's to come?

Aw, spare me please!
Oh, spare me that nonsense

Oh no, you gotta go
You need to leave

Who do you write for?
Who is your audience?

I want to know
I'm curious

I believe you is the government's whore
I think you're a tool of the government

And keeping peoples dumb
And perpetuating ignorance

(I'm really dumb)
(I'm not very intelligent)

Is where you're coming from
Is the origin of your beliefs

Fuck all them writers with the pen in their hand
Screw all those hack writers

I will be more specific so they might understand
I'll be clearer in my criticism

They can all kiss my ass
They can all go to hell

But because it's so grand
But only because they'd enjoy it

They best just stay away
They ought to keep their distance

Hey, Joe, who did you blow?
Hey, Joe, who did you sleep with?

Moe pushed the button boy
Moe exerted his influence

And you went to the show
And you got the gig

Better suck a little harder or the shekels won't flow
You need to work even harder to make money

And I don't mean your thumb
And I'm not speaking euphemistically

(Don't mean your thumb)
(I'm serious)

So on your knees you bum
So humble yourself

Just tell yourself it's yum
Just convince yourself it's enjoyable

(Yourself it's yum)
(That you like it)

And suck it 'till you're numb
And keep doing it until you're desensitized

Journalism's kinda scary
Journalism is frightening

And of it we should be wary
And we should be cautious

Wonder what became of Mary?
I wonder what happened to Mary?

Information is not knowledge
Data is not understanding

Knowledge is not wisdom
Awareness is not discernment

Wisdom is not truth
Sagacity is not factuality

Truth is not beauty
Veracity is not aesthetics

Beauty is not love
Physical appeal is not affection

Love is not music
Emotion is not melody

Music is THE BEST...
Music is unparalleled

Wisdom is the domain of the Wis (which is extinct)
Sagacity belongs to a long-lost civilization

Beauty is a French phonetic corruption
Physical appeal is a distorted French word

Of a short cloth neck ornament
For a type of scarf

Currently in resurgence...
Now back in fashion

If you're in the audience and like what we do
If you enjoy our performance

Well, we want you to know that we like you all too
We want to reciprocate your affection

But as for the sucker who will write the review
But as for the unfortunate critic

If his mind is prehensile
If his intellect is grasping

(Mind is prehensile)
(His mind is narrow)

He'll put down his pencil
He'll stop writing

(Put down his pencil)
(Cease to be a critic)

And have himself a squat
And get comfortable

On the Cosmic Utensil
On the celestial commode

(Cosmic Utensil)
(A toilet in space)

Give it all you got
Do your best

Sit 'n spin until you rot
Sit and defecate until you decompose

He really needs to squat
He really needs to defecate

(Cosmic Utensil)
(The heavenly commode)

Now that I got that over with
Now that I've said that

I'll just play my imaginary guitar again
I'll just resume my pretense

Hey... hah... soundin' really good, indeed!
It sounds great, in fact

Ah... get down... UH!
Now, let's do this!

Boy, what an imagination!
I'm so imaginative!

Love myself better than I love myself...
I love my own creative abilities...

I think...
I believe...

What tone!
What a great sound!

Sounds like an Elegant Gypsy!
It resembles an album by Al Di Meola!

What is that!
What am I hearing?

Musk?
Is it musk that I smell?

It's hip!
It's fashionable!