Uncle Bernie's Farm
Frank Zappa Lyrics


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(I'm dreaming...)

There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up,
A bomb for yo daddy too! (ouch!)
A baby doll that burps 'n pees;
A case of airplane glue!
There's a hungry plastic troll,
To scarf yo buddy's arm!
There's a box of ugly plastic things marked:
"Uncle bernie's farm"

There's a little plastic 'congress'
There's a 'nation' you can buy!
There's a doll that looks like mommy
(She'll do anything but cry) (yes, sir)
There's a doll that looks like daddy
(He's a funny little man...
Push a button 'n ask fo money:
There's a dollar in his hand!) (check his wallet)

We gotta send sanny claus back to de rescue mission!
Christmas don't make it no more!
Don'tcha know that murder an' destruction
Scream de toys in every store! (I think this is sold in new york)

There's a man who runs the country
There's a man who tried to think
And they're all made out of plastic
(When they melt, they start to stink)
There's a book with smiling children,
Nearly dead with christmas joys
And smiling in his office
Is the creep who makes 'the toys'
(they got this car, when it hits the wall, you can see the guy dying
You got little plastic pools of blood
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho (I'm dreaming...)
...intestines...you can see right into his stomach...
There's this other thing, i...
I got bombs, I got rockets, I got a, I got a stillson wrench
And comes with a tape recorder...
I got plastic brass knuckles




With sound effects
We got a '39 chevy...

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Uncle Bernie's Farm, by Frank Zappa, are a satirical critique of the commercialization of Christmas and the consumer culture that surrounds it. The first stanza refers to the violent and dangerous toys that are being sold, such as a bomb to blow up parents or a baby doll that burps and pees. There is also a reference to airplane glue, a substance that can be sniffed for a euphoric effect, highlighting the dangerous and addictive nature of consumer products. The phrase "Uncle Bernie's farm" is used as a metaphor for the world of consumerism, where plastic products are churned out like crops.


The second stanza mentions dolls that resemble parents and a doll congress, highlighting the absurdity of toys being used to replicate the structures of real-life society. The reference to a doll of Daddy with a button that gives him a dollar also exposes the greed and materialism of society. Zappa then suggests that Christmas has lost its true meaning and has become synonymous with the destruction and violence that screams from the toys in every store. The final lines expose the inhumanity of the corporate world, where smiling children in a book are juxtaposed with the man who makes the toys, who smiles in his office despite the ghastly products he produces.


Line by Line Meaning

There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up,
There is a toy bomb that emulates destruction of your mother


A bomb for yo daddy too! (ouch!)
There is a toy bomb that emulates destruction of your father


A baby doll that burps 'n pees;
There is a doll that emulates a baby that burps and pees


A case of airplane glue!
There is a case of glue meant for model airplane enthusiasts


There's a hungry plastic troll,
There is a plastic troll that might eat your buddy's arm


To scarf yo buddy's arm!
The hungry plastic troll might eat your buddy's arm


There's a box of ugly plastic things marked:
There is a box filled with hideous plastic toys that's branded as Uncle Bernie's farm


There's a little plastic 'congress'
There is a toy set of congressional figures made out of plastic


There's a 'nation' you can buy!
You can purchase a toy nation


There's a doll that looks like mommy
There is a doll that looks like your mother


(She'll do anything but cry) (yes, sir)
The doll that looks like your mother emulates everything that she does except crying


There's a doll that looks like daddy
There is a doll that looks like your father


(He's a funny little man...
The doll that looks like your father is humorous in appearance


Push a button 'n ask fo money:
Press a button on the doll and it'll ask for money


There's a dollar in his hand!) (check his wallet)
The doll that looks like your father might even have a dollar in its hand


We gotta send sanny claus back to de rescue mission!
We need to send Santa Claus back to the nonprofit organization where he is part of


Christmas don't make it no more!
Christmas doesn't seem as magical as it used to


Don'tcha know that murder an' destruction Scream de toys in every store!
Don't you know that toy stores are filled with toys that depict violence and destruction?


(I think this is sold in new york)
(This situation might be limited to New York)


There's a man who runs the country
There is a toy man who presides over running the fictional toy country


There's a man who tried to think
There is a toy man who was made to seem like a thinker


And they're all made out of plastic
All of these fictional toy characters are made out of plastic


(When they melt, they start to stink)
(However, when they start to melt, they smell awful)


There's a book with smiling children, Nearly dead with christmas joys
In the toy store, there is a book filled with pictures of happy children enthralled with Christmas


And smiling in his office Is the creep who makes 'the toys'
Smiling while sitting in his office is the person responsible for creating these toys that emulate destruction and violence


(they got this car, when it hits the wall, you can see the guy dying
(For example, there is a toy car that shows a person dying when it crashes into a wall)


You got little plastic pools of blood
There are even miniature plastic pools of fake blood


Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho (I'm dreaming...)
This situation almost seems like a nightmare disguised as a dream




Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Frank Vincent Zappa

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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