Kendimden kaçmaktan
Gaye Su Akyol Lyrics

The lyrics of Gaye Su Akyol's song "Kendimden Kaçmaktan" depict a sense of exhaustion and desperation resulting from running away from oneself. The singer expresses feeling tired of escaping and avoiding their true self. The repetitive nature of the line "Kendimden Kaçmaktan yorgun düştüm" emphasizes this weariness, suggesting that they have been trying to flee from their own identity for a long time.

The mention of flying off cliffs, accompanied by the line "Ölmedim ama süründüm" (I didn't die, but I crawled), conveys the idea that even though they have managed to survive, the journey has been difficult and has left them feeling low or degraded. This line might symbolize the risk taken to escape their own self, risking potential harm but still ending up in a vulnerable state.

In the subsequent lines, the singer describes finding a grave for themselves in the fields, away from the person they have been trying to distance themselves from. This can be seen as a metaphor representing the burying of their past self or shedding their previous identity. Creating a new home far from the influence of another person signifies the desire to establish a personal space free from the negative impact that person had on them. However, the following line, "Günden güne kurudum" (I dried up day by day), reveals that this distancing and the process of rebuilding oneself has been draining, leading to further emotional exhaustion.

The following passage, "Taş olsa yanar deniz olsa kururdu, Ne yandın ne de kurudun, Uzaklardan tuzak kurdun" (If it were stone, it would burn; if it were the sea, it would dry out. Neither burning nor drying, you laid traps from afar), portrays a contrast between what the singer anticipated from the escape and the reality they faced. It suggests that the expectations of transformation and growth were not fulfilled. The use of metaphors highlights the singer's disappointment as they reflect on their failed attempts to distance themselves, realizing that their efforts to build a new life and escape their own self have ultimately been fruitless.

The lyrics culminate with the lines "Sonsuz okyanusta sonlu aklım, Yıkandım aşkınla hep, Hep çıplak başa döndüm" (My finite mind in the infinite ocean, I always bathed in your love, always returning naked). These phrases convey the cyclical nature of the singer's experiences, where they repeatedly find themselves immersed in love, only to end up at the beginning again, stripped of all defenses and protection. The image of the infinite ocean and the finite mind suggests that regardless of their attempts to escape their own self or establish a new identity, they continue to face the same patterns and struggles.