Mercy / Gatekeeper
Hayley Kiyoko Lyrics

When the city sleeps, I'm awake
I struggle to sleep when the city is at rest

Caught up in the dreams, I can't create
I struggle to invent inspiring concepts when I am fixated with realities I despise

Locked up in my mind, I can't escape
I feel trapped by my own thoughts and don't know how to break free

There's nothing I could do but wait
I don't know how to change my current situation but hope things will get better over time

I call you crying 'cause it's too much pain
I reach out to you when I am in agony and need support

I can tell you don't get it
I sense that you can't fully understand what I'm going through

'Cause you tell me that everything will be okay
You try to comfort me with words of hope that don't ease my pain

All I wanna do is cry
My emotions are too much for me to handle, and all I can do is cry

Bang my head, until I start to fly
I try to distract myself from my pain by banging my head and losing myself in the moment

Baby, I just dyed my hair
I made a physical change to my appearance as a way to feel different and in control

To make me feel like I don't care
I want to create an outer appearance that reflects my inner emotions of not caring

It'll be my war paint
My new look is a way to prepare for battle and give me strength to face my struggles

'Cause Lord knows I need strength, I need strength
I need to feel empowered to overcome the obstacles I'm facing

Mondays might be alright
Certain days may be less challenging than others

And Sundays will probably hurt
Other days are likely to be more difficult emotionally

'Cause when your mouth starts moving with the noise
I get overwhelmed and can't process information when there is too much external stimulation

I don't hear a single word
I can't concentrate and miss the meaning behind what is being said

Just give me mercy 'cause I keep hurting, hurting
I'm in a lot of pain and need compassion

Stuck in the traffic that's racing in my mind
My thoughts are chaotic and overwhelming

Blankets of wool just to cover up my eyes
I want to hide from the reality of my situation by closing my eyes and shutting out the world

'Cause what I need, what I need is quiet
I need to find peace and stillness within myself

And I know what I need, what I need is hiding
I know where to find what I need within myself, but it's hard to access

I'm just a face, someone passing on the street
I feel insignificant and unnoticed by the world

Paint on a smile so that no one ever sees
I wear a facade of happiness to hide my inner pain from others

Talk to you, they all talk to you, oh, oh, oh
People try to offer advice to me, but it's not always helpful

It's easier for me to stay quiet (Talk to you, they all talk to you)
I'd rather keep my feelings to myself than risk being misunderstood or hurt by others' judgment

And not speak a word
I choose to stay silent instead of sharing my thoughts and feelings

For if I do, then the truth might emerge
I fear that speaking the truth will expose me and make me vulnerable

They are my emotions to feel
I own my own feelings and am responsible for processing them

Nobody can poison my feelings if they're never revealed
I protect myself from being hurt by keeping my feelings guarded

I'll watch others live in loudness
I observe others living their lives more boldly and outspokenly than I do

And I'll destroy the chaos in my way
I'll find a way to overcome the confusion and turmoil in my mind

I have the control
I choose how to react to and deal with my circumstances

If I keep what's mine, I can have the purest soul
If I hold onto my own emotions and thoughts, I can have more clarity and inner peace

And live with content, free from fear
I can find happiness and security by not allowing fear to dictate my actions and decisions

I choose my actions
I am responsible for the way I respond to my circumstances

I'm the gatekeeper
I have the power to control my own mind and emotions

Don't let me die with my soul in the air
I don't want to leave this world feeling incomplete or unfulfilled

Don't let me die when there's nobody here
I hope to have companionship and comfort to support me as I face life's challenges