Heatmiser was an alternative rock band that originated in Portland, Oregon … Read Full Bio ↴Heatmiser was an alternative rock band that originated in Portland, Oregon in 1992. Consisting of Elliott Smith (guitar and vocals), Neil Gust (guitar and vocals), Brandt Peterson (bass; later to be replaced by Sam Coomes, frontman of Quasi), and Tony Lash (drums), they were known for their well-crafted lyrics and songs featuring melancholic and cheery words and melodies. The pop-oriented songs of Elliott Smith were a contrast to the darker songs of Gust, while both Smith and Gust's songs touched on subjects such as anger, alienation, loneliness and despair.

The band broke up in the fall of 1996 after Smith's solo work began gaining popularity. Gust went on to play in the band No. 2. Coomes carried on as half of Quasi, as well as playing as a guest musician for Built to Spill and Sleater-Kinney. Lash currently keeps himself busy as a producer. He helped with the production of Death Cab for Cutie's first two studio albums (Something About Airplanes and We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes).

Bastard John
Heatmiser Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

Come here in silence and kiss me quiet lying on the floor
I'm acting dumb like you wanted
But I'm not your kid anymore

I'm not your bastard John
Just because I played along
I'm not your bastard John
Just because I played along

You're just a comma
You give me pause with your temporary charm
But I'm distorted
Can't you see it when I'm underneath you
Trying not to look alarmed

I'm not your bastard John
Just because I played along
I'm not your bastard John
Just because I played along
I'm not your bastard John
I'm not your bastard John

So don't try to fake me out
With some bullshit promise that you didn't have to say
You present to me
Just keeps on giving every damn day

I'm not your bastard John
I'm not your bastard John

Overall Meaning

The song "Bastard John" by Heatmiser is a powerfully emotional and introspective piece about a young person struggling to escape from an unhealthy relationship. The first verse speaks to the complexity of the relationship, with the singer lying on the floor and feeling like they are acting dumb to please the other person. The repeated refrain of "I'm not your bastard John just because I played along" reinforces this idea - that just because someone may have gone along with something initially, it doesn't mean they are now beholden to that person forever. It's a plea for agency and independence, even in the aftermath of a toxic dynamic.

The second verse delves a bit deeper into the dynamics at play, with the other person in the relationship being characterized as a "comma" - someone who disrupts the flow of the singer's life and thoughts, but doesn't really add anything meaningful or lasting. Despite this, the singer is still drawn to the other person, and it is suggested that they may be engaging in behaviors they are uncomfortable with in order to keep the other person interested. The closing lines of the song are a defiant assertion of the singer's independence, their refusal to be manipulated or held back any longer.

Overall, "Bastard John" is a deeply emotional song that speaks to the struggles of navigating complex and unhealthy relationships. It is a powerful reminder that just because someone may have played along with something initially, it doesn't mean they are forever bound to that person or that behavior.

Line by Line Meaning

Come here in silence and kiss me quiet lying on the floor
You want intimacy, but I feel like I have to be silent and submissive to please you in this moment.

I'm acting dumb like you wanted
I'm pretending to be ignorant or clueless to avoid conflict or please you.

But I'm not your kid anymore
I'm an adult and won't be controlled or manipulated like a child.

You're just a comma
You're just a temporary pause or interruption in my life.

You give me pause with your temporary charm
I'm drawn to you for the moment, but I know it won't last.

But I'm distorted
I'm not thinking clearly or objectively because of my emotions or past experiences.

Can't you see it when I'm underneath you
Even in intimate moments, I'm still disconnected from you and struggling with my feelings.

Trying not to look alarmed
I'm trying to hide my unease or discomfort in this situation.

So don't try to fake me out
Don't try to deceive or manipulate me into thinking things are different than they really are.

With some bullshit promise that you didn't have to say
Don't make empty or insincere promises just to appease me or get what you want.

You present to me
Everything you give or do for me,

Just keeps on giving every damn day
Only contributes to our dysfunctional or superficial relationship.

I'm not your bastard John
I won't be subservient to you or play your games.