Monochrome
Home Ties Lyrics

I'm not scared to die anymore, a simple statement that I shouldn't have to say at this age, but it's a true statement as death reduces time in a secluded state.
Death feels like an inevitable reality that I have already become accustomed to. Though it seems unusual to feel this way at my age, with time and change, death becomes more obviously imminent.

Although I don't wish to invest my ideas in hopelessness, I feel as if they've been wasted, as if they're turning the handle on a locked door that needs a key, but that key does not exist, why do I feel so hopeless?
I try to stay optimistic but it seems like everything I do is futile. It's like I'm trying to open a locked door with a key that doesn't exist. All of my hopes and ideas seems wasted and I struggle to understand why I feel this hopeless.

I shouldn't feel this way at this young age, I have a whole life to rot in my grave.
I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way so early in my life. It feels like I still have a lot of time to live before I eventually die.

Staying bitter about all of my failures, I won't fail this time.
I've held onto bitterness from past failures for too long, but from now on, I'm making a conscious effort to not fail and to not let my failures define me.

I always said I'd never let myself get like this, it's breaking me to the core.
I've always vowed not to let myself deteriorate like this, but unfortunately, I find myself succumbing to these emotions which is causing me great emotional pain.

I've always felt as if I've been put second best to the ones who I despise.
I've always felt like I've been overshadowed and dismissed by people I don't even really like or respect.

I can't keep this hole in my chest, I always feel the guilt for never being there, For myself when I needed me the most
I can't keep carrying this feeling of emptiness in my chest, and I constantly berate myself for not being there for myself when I needed it the most.

I've lost all love, my life is monochrome.
I've lost all sense of love and my life feels devoid of color or meaning.

and when I find myself I will find my home.
I believe that when I find inner peace and contentment with myself, I will feel more at home in my own life and in the world.

I've found sadness in this state, and what if a life of no love awaits? I'm not afraid to say that i can't go on, I can't go on feeling this way.
Being in this state of sadness has made me wonder if a life without love lies before me. I'm not afraid to admit that I can't keep living with these negative emotions any longer.

I hate my life and all around me is bleak. Am I less of a man if I admit I'm weak? Because I feel sick, I'm tired and bored of my routine and all my fucking flaws.
My life seems terrible and hopeless, with nothing but despair surrounding me. I wonder if it makes me less of a person to admit my own weaknesses just because I feel sick, tired and extremely dissatisfied with my routine and all of my personal shortcomings.