Once an Addict
J. Cole Lyrics

Right, right, right, right
Emphasis on the following lines and the importance of understanding.

Something's got a hold on me
The struggles and pain that J. Cole's mother is facing are affecting him.

Right, right, right
Emphasis on the importance of understanding and being able to alleviate pain.

Sometimes I think pain is just a lack of understanding
If we were able to fully understand the reasons behind our pain, we could potentially find peace.

If we could only understand it all, would we feel no pain?
It is possible that understanding everything could lead to a life free of pain.

God must feel no pain
Questioning the idea that God does not experience pain.

Only joy
If God doesn't feel pain, then he must only feel joy.

Lost in a cloud of marijuana
J. Cole uses marijuana to escape the pain and struggles he faces at home.

Young Carolina nigga, fish out of water
J. Cole is trying to find his place in the world and feels out of place in his own household.

Step-daddy just had a daughter with another woman
J. Cole's stepfather has started a new family with another woman, which creates a difficult situation for J. Cole and his mother.

Mama ain't recover yet
J. Cole's mother is struggling to recover from the pain caused by her husband's infidelity.

Callin' me at 12 at night
J. Cole's mother frequently calls him late at night when she is struggling and needs someone to talk to.

She drunk as fuck and I'm upset
J. Cole is upset that his mother is relying on him to deal with her pain and is drinking heavily.

'Cause why she always using me for a crutch?
J. Cole is frustrated that his mother is relying on him to carry her through her difficult times rather than seeking help elsewhere.

Growin' up I used to always see her up
J. Cole grew up watching his mother stay up late and drink to cope with her pain.

Late as shit, cigarette smoke and greatest hits from Marvin Gaye
J. Cole's mother would stay up late smoking cigarettes and listening to Marvin Gaye's music.

She kill a whole bottle of some cheap chardonnay
J. Cole's mother drinks heavily to deal with her pain and struggles.

I gotta leave this house 'cause part of me dies when I see her like this
J. Cole can't bear to watch his mother drink herself into oblivion and has to leave to preserve his own mental health.

Too young to deal with pain
J. Cole is too young to fully understand and cope with the pain his mother is going through.

I'd rather run the streets than see her kill herself
J. Cole would rather spend his time outside of the house than watch his mother continue to drink and harm herself.

So 'Ville became my escape from a feelin' I hate
J. Cole uses his neighborhood as an escape from the pain and struggles he faces at home.

Mama cursing me out
J. Cole's mother gets angry with him when he tries to help her and lashes out.

Depression's such a villainous state
Depression can be extremely difficult and painful to deal with.

I used to stay out later on purpose
J. Cole would purposefully stay out late to avoid seeing his mother's struggles.

Subconsciously I was nervous that if I came home early then what would surface was her inner demons
J. Cole was afraid that if he came home early, he would have to see his mother struggle with her inner demons and drink herself into oblivion.

And then I'd have to end up seein' my hero on ground zero
J. Cole's view of his mother as a hero would be shattered if he had to see her at her worst.

Tears flow while Al Green blow
J. Cole is emotional and crying while listening to Al Green's music.

Love and happiness
J. Cole is listening to Al Green's Love and Happiness, which a contrast to the pain and sadness he's feeling.

I wish that I could say the right words to cheer her up
J. Cole wants to be able to help his mother feel better, but he doesn't know how.

I wish her son's love was enough
J. Cole wants his mother to feel better just by knowing that he loves her, but he knows that it's not enough.

I tell her, 'Mama, go to sleep'
J. Cole tries to get his mother to go to bed and sleep it off.

She tell me 'Boy, hush. You better pray to God you never get your heart crushed'
J. Cole's mother warns him about the pain that comes from heartbreak and tells him to be grateful that he hasn't experienced it yet.

I shake my head in frustration
J. Cole is frustrated that his mother won't listen to his advice and is continuing to drink and harm herself.

Head to my room and I can still hear the tunes with my door shut
J. Cole can still hear the music when he's in his room with the door closed, reminding him of his struggles.

Fuck it though, a couple more months I'll be gone
J. Cole is counting down the days until he can leave his home and start a new life at college.

Off to college and dorms
J. Cole is excited to leave his current life behind and start fresh at college.

Foolin' myself, thinkin' problems are gone
J. Cole believes that his problems will disappear once he leaves for college, but he soon realizes that they won't.

But now it's 1 AM and my mama dialin' my phone
J. Cole's mother is still struggling and calls him late at night when he's away at college.

I know she's intoxicated and soon this high that I'm on comes crashin' down
J. Cole knows that his mother's call will bring him crashing back down to reality and out of his temporary high from college life.

She lit, talkin' drunk shit, I'm pissed
J. Cole is frustrated that his mother is still drinking and relying on him rather than getting help.

But I'm still all ears like Basset Hounds
J. Cole is still willing to listen to his mother's struggles despite his frustration because he knows she needs him.

Thinkin' to myself, 'Maybe my mama need help'
J. Cole realizes that his mother needs professional help and support to get through her struggles.

Don't she got work in the morning?
J. Cole wonders why his mother is still drinking and calling him even though she has work in the morning.

Why she do this to herself?
J. Cole questions why his mother continues to drink and harm herself despite the negative effects it has on her health and life.

Hate how she slurrin' her words
J. Cole is upset that his mother's drinking has led to her slurring her words and being unable to communicate clearly.

Soundin' so fuckin' absurd
J. Cole finds his mother's behavior and words when she's drunk to be ridiculous and irrational.

This ain't the woman I know, why I just sit and observe?
J. Cole is upset that his mother's drinking has changed who she is and wonders why he's not doing more to help her.

Why don't I say how I feel?
J. Cole questions why he doesn't vocalize his concerns and feelings to his mother more often.

When I do, she's defensive for real
J. Cole's mother becomes defensive and upset when he tries to talk to her about her drinking and struggles.

Well maybe things get better with time, I heard it heals
J. Cole hopes that time will heal his mother's pain and struggles and make things better.

Little did I know how deep her sadness would go
J. Cole realizes that his mother's struggles and pain run deeper than he initially thought.

Lookin' back, I wish I woulda did more instead of runnin'
J. Cole wishes that he had done more to help his mother with her struggles instead of running away and using college as an escape.

Something's got a hold on me
J. Cole is realizing that he is also struggling with the emotional pain caused by his mother's struggles.

I can't let it go
J. Cole can't shake the hold that his mother's struggles and pain have on him.

Out of fear I won't be free
J. Cole is afraid that he won't be able to fully move on until his mother is free from her pain and struggles.

No!
J. Cole is frustrated and upset by the situation but remains hopeful for his mother's recovery.

Life can bring much pain
Life is difficult and filled with pain and struggles.

There are many ways to deal with this pain (right)
There are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with pain, and it's important to make the right choices.

Choose wisely
It's up to us to choose how we deal with the pain and struggles life brings us.