03
J. Dale Pearson Lyrics

I grew up, a fuckin' screw up
I had a difficult childhood and made a lot of mistakes.

Tie my shoe up, wish they was newer
I want things to be better and new, even down to my shoelaces.

Damn, need somethin' newer
I am searching for something more exciting and fulfilling in my life.

In love with the baddest girl in the city, I wish I knew her
I am infatuated with a woman who I think is too good for me.

I wish I weren't so shy, I wish I was a bit more fly
I wish I had more confidence and style to approach the woman I like.

I wish that I, could tell her how I really feel inside
I want to express my true feelings to this woman but I am too afraid to do so.

That I'm the perfect nigga for her, but then maybe that's a lie
I believe I am the best match for this woman, but I am not sure if that is true.

She like a certain type of nigga, and it's clear I'm not that guy
The woman I am interested in prefers a different type of man and I do not fit that description.

Ball player, star player, I'm just watchin' from the side
I feel like I am not good enough to succeed and I am just sitting on the sidelines.

On the bench, cause my lack of confidence won't let me fly
My low self-esteem prevents me from taking risks and achieving my goals.

I ain't grow up with my father, I ain't thinkin' bout that now
Although I did not have a father growing up, it is not the reason for my current struggles and thoughts.

Fast forward four years or so from now I'll probably cry
In the future, I may regret not taking action or making changes to better my situation.

When I realize what I missed, but as of now my eyes are dry
Currently, I do not see the consequences of my actions or inactions leading to missed opportunities.

Cause I'm tryna stay alive
I am focused on surviving and getting by day-to-day.

In the city where too many niggas die
My surroundings are dangerous and violent, and many people die as a result.

Dream in quiet tryna dodge a suit and tie
I desire to have success and wealth, but I want to avoid a traditional office job or corporate lifestyle.

Who am I? Aye who am I?
I am questioning my identity and purpose in life.

Things change, rearrange, or so do I
Life is constantly changing and I must adapt and change as well.

It ain't always for the better dawg, I can't lie
Change can be difficult and not always for the best, and it is important to acknowledge that.

I get high cause the lows can be so cold
I use drugs to cope with the difficult and painful experiences in my life.

I might bend a little bit but I don't fold
Although I may struggle, I will not give up or break under the pressure.

One time for my mind and two for yours
I have something meaningful to share, and hope that others can benefit from it as well.

I got food for your thoughts to sooth your soul
My words and ideas can provide comfort and nourishment for your mind and spirit.

If you see my tears fall just let me be..
If I show emotions or vulnerability, please respect my privacy and allow me to process my feelings.

Move along, nothing to see
Please do not judge or criticize me for showing my true feelings.

I always did shit the hard way, my niggas slangin' in the hallway
I have always made things difficult for myself, while my friends were selling drugs in school.

Burnt CD's and trees like this was Broadway
We sold homemade CDs and marijuana like it was a thriving business.

Times Square, kept the dimes there in the locker
We hid drugs in public places like lockers in popular tourist areas.

Some Reggie Miller, with more brown hairs than Chewbaca
The marijuana we sold was low-quality but we still managed to make money from it.

Whispers that he got it for the low low sell a dime for a dub, them white boys ain't know no better
We sold low-grade drugs to unsuspecting white customers for a high price because they did not know the difference.

Besides, what's twenty dollars to a nigga like that?
We took advantage of our customers because we believed they were rich and could afford it.

He tell his pops he need some lunch and he gon' get it right back
We would use the excuse of buying lunch to go sell drugs and then return the money to our families afterwards.

I peep game, got home snatched my mama keychain
I learned from my friends' business tactics and stole my mother's car keys to go sell drugs.

Took her whip, the appeal, to ill to refrain
I was too tempted by the idea of making easy money to resist taking my mom's car.

I hit the boulevard pull up to my nigga front door
I drove to my friend's house to join him in selling drugs.

His mama at home, she still let em' hit the blunt though
My friend's mother knew we were selling drugs but still allowed us to smoke marijuana in her home.

I told her hello and sat with my nigga and laughed
I greeted my friend's mother politely and enjoyed spending time with my friend.

And talked about how we gon' smash all the bitches in class
We objectified and disrespected women by discussing our plans to seduce them.

I complimented how I see him out here getting his cash, and just asked
I praised my friend for his success in selling drugs and asked for his advice.

"What a nigga gotta do to get that?! Put me on"
I wanted to learn how to sell drugs and make money like my friend.

He just laughed when he seen I was sure
My friend thought it was amusing that I was so certain I could be successful in the drug business.

17 Years breathing his demeanor said more
Just by looking at my friend's body language and attitude, I could tell he had more experience and knowledge than me.

He told me, "Nigga you know how you sound right now?
My friend questioned the sense and reasoning behind my desire to engage in illegal activities.

"You won't my mans, I would think that you a clown right now, listen"
My friend did not want me to become involved in his drug business and advised me to think smarter.

"You everything I wanna be that's why I fucks with you
My friend looks up to me and respects me, which is why he is my friend.

So how you looking up to me, when I look up to you?"
My friend believes that I have qualities that he admires, and does not understand why I want to follow in his footsteps.

"You bout to go get a degree, I'm bout to be stuck with two choices:
My friend believes that my decision to pursue higher education will lead me to greater success and opportunity than his life of dealing drugs.

Either graduate to weight or sell a number two
The two choices my friend has are to either become a high-level drug dealer or to continue selling low-grade drugs.

For what? A hundred bucks or two a week?
My friend realizes that the amount of money he is making in the drug business is not worth the risks, consequences, and loss of potential opportunities.

Do you think that you would know what to do if you was me?
My friend questions whether I am truly capable of handling the lifestyle and responsibilities that come with dealing drugs.

I got, four brothers, one mother that don't love us
My friend shares his family background of struggling with poverty and lack of parental support.

If they ain't never want us why the fuck they never wore rubbers?"
My friend wonders why his parents chose to have five children without the means or desire to properly care for them.

I felt ashamed to have ever complained about my lack of gear
Listening to my friend's story made me realize that my struggles with material possessions were insignificant compared to his struggles with basic human needs and love.

And thought about how far we done came
Reflecting on my friend's situation made me appreciate the progress and achievements we had made together.

From trailer park to a front yard with trees in the sky
We had come a long way from living in a poor, cramped trailer park to having a home with trees and open sky.

Thank you mama dry your eyes, there ain't no reason to cry
I express gratitude towards my mother for raising me and helping me succeed, and reassure her that everything will be okay.

You made a genius and I, ain't gon' take it for granted
I recognize the hard work and sacrifices my mother made to raise me, and promise to use my potential and talents for good.

I ain't gon' settle for lesser, I ain't gon' take what they handed
I refuse to accept the limited opportunities and low expectations that were given to me, and instead strive for more.

Nah I'm gon' take what they owe me and show you that I can fly
I am going to take what I deserve and showcase my abilities and potential for success.

And show ol' girl what she missing
I aim to prove to the woman I am interested in that I am a valuable and suitable partner.

The illest nigga alive
I am the best and most talented person around.