Success
J. Haynes Lyrics

This is rock bottom why yall, I never expected it
I am in a terrible spot in my life and did not anticipate it

In order to be businesslike you must meet the prerequisite
To be successful in business, you need to follow certain rules

Leave your culture at home, smile, don't be too proud, too wild
To succeed, you need to conform and fit in with the professional world

You may suffer, just don't cry out loud
You may encounter difficulties, but don't express your emotions too overtly

This notion of professionalism is like an exorcism
Conforming to professional standards feels like being possessed by something

Forced to give your life away while you're earnin' a livin'
Working can feel like giving up your life

These thoughts had stopped me from rejoinin' the work force
I had reservations about returning to work because of these ideas

But now the situation I'm in, just seems to hurt more
My current situation is worse than my previous reservation about returning to work

Maybe it won't be bad, maybe it'll be good
Perhaps returning to work will have a positive outcome

I could use a little structure in my life, maybe I should
I feel like I need more order in my life, maybe returning to work will provide that

Take my suit and tie out of the closet
I am preparing to dress professionally for job interviews

Try shinin' my shoes and brush the fuckin' dust off of my wallet
I am getting ready for interviews by grooming and cleaning my appearance and materials

Let's consider the prospects, make a couple phone calls
I am taking action and starting to look for job opportunities

Now so many interviews you know I got next week
I have secured several job interviews for the upcoming week

I'm strictly goin' from the bottom to the peak
I am starting from the bottom and working my way up

I'm ready focused and determined to get back on my feet
I am motivated to succeed and get back on track

Daddy had a name tag that said, 'Busy Working'
The father was always busy working and had a name tag to show it

Mommy had a milk carton that said, 'Missing Person'
The mother was missing or absent due to work or other reasons

John had a new baseball glove, with nobody to learn with
The child had a new toy but no one to play with

That's oil and water trying to mix on the same surface
The conflicting realities of the parents' work and the child's needs create a difficult situation

I got a job at a business place I chose not to name
I found a job but am not disclosing the name of the business

Ask me how did I achieve this so quick? Yes you may
I am open to discussing how I found a job quickly

Back when I was compiled a stunning resume
I had put together an impressive resume

I didn't value way back then, but boy it helped today
I didn't think my resume was important at the time, but it ended up being very helpful in my job search

I'm pushin' every single thought of rebellin' away
I am suppressing any urge to resist or rebel

I'm workin' real hard, and my pockets are swellin', and hey
I am working hard and making good money

Can you believe I met the girl of my dreams, I swear she's meant for me
I am in love with someone and believe it was meant to be

We've been together over 2 years, goin' on 3
We have been in a relationship for over 2 years and are approaching our 3rd anniversary

We married on our 4th anniversary
We got married on our 4th anniversary together

Bought a house and turned a room into a nursery
We purchased a house and converted one of the rooms into a nursery for our child

For the bouncin' baby that we're expecting in June
We are expecting a baby in June

I sat in that delivery room from noon, to noon
I was present for a 24-hour delivery in the hospital

24 hours of labour then the nurse asked me his title for the paper
After 24 hours of labor, the nurse asked for the baby's name for the birth certificate

You know, so the government can chase ya'
The birth certificate is used by the government for identification purposes

First name: John, Last name: Insignificant
The baby's name is John, but the father feels like it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things

I'm smiling like a proud dad; I got the birth certificate
I am happy to have the birth certificate as proof of my child's birth

And I looked around and nothing's good enough for her or him
I start to realize that nothing in our house is good enough for our new child

So my 8 hour days became 9; 9 slid up to 10; a subtle slip up to 11 and then
I start working longer days and pushing myself to do more, gradually increasing my hours

And after a 12 hour day, I too little energy to say 'I love you' to my baby
After working for 12 hours, I am too exhausted to show love and attention to my child

Or play daddy to J, and I thought this was the way
I am neglecting my duties as a father because I thought working harder was the only way to provide for my family

O be a husband and a father
To fulfill my role as a husband and father

I guess I could've looked in her eyes, and seen I lost her
I could have realized that my wife was unhappy and felt neglected if I had paid more attention

But it wasn't my fault, I'm workin' hard, it couldn't be
I refuse to take responsibility for my own actions and blame my work

I've been successfully existing as a member of this family
I feel like I am fulfilling my duties as a family member, but I am neglecting my emotional and supportive responsibilities

I was so convinced the household had to always be complete
I believed that simply providing for my family was enough to maintain a successful household

I didn't realize the only thing that's missing is me
I didn't understand that my physical and emotional presence was missing from my family's life

There was never any talk of divorce
My wife and I never talked about divorce even though we were going through a difficult time

I can't believe how focused I was in the face of such a huge potential loss
I was able to maintain focus even though I was at risk of losing my family

Thought I signed a grievance with the boss
I thought my issues were with my boss and work, not with my behavior at home

In fact, I was mad at my wife, as if she's trying to knock me off course
I was angry at my wife for trying to hold me accountable for my actions

But I still visited the florist, to get her flowers
I realized I needed to make an effort to show my wife affection and appreciation, so I bought her flowers

(When the last time I did this?) Hmm, not since our wedding shower
It has been a long time since I have done something romantic for my wife

I got home and I was greeted by the fact we'd been deleted
When I got home, I realized my wife and child had left me

I was someone that my wife and child thought they no longer needed
My wife and child felt like they did not need me in their lives anymore

And before I could say, 'Where's John?'
I did not even notice my child was gone until later

I looked down and he was clingin' to her arm
I saw my child with my wife and realized how much I had missed

I realized-ed that I'm wrong
I finally realized that I was in the wrong and needed to make a change

I blacked out and by the time I came to, they were gone
I was so shocked by my family leaving that I momentarily lost consciousness

But somehow I sat and shook my head, and then I carried on
I eventually pulled myself together and continued with my life

And I still completed 3 weeks of work, before my breakdown
Even though I was going through a difficult time, I continued to work for a few more weeks before breaking down emotionally

The ambulances came and I got medicine to take now
My breakdown was severe enough that I needed medical attention and medication

And it's hard to get a job when you been treated and released
Finding a job is difficult when you have a history of mental health issues

So both my relationship and my career had deceased
My actions had significant consequences for both my family and my career

It took years to put myself together, piece by piece
I spent a long time rebuilding myself after the damage I caused

And thank God I found a woman that's propitiate with me
I am grateful to have found a woman who is accepting and forgiving of my mistakes

And I'll never let this happen again, it's not to be
I am determined to never let my work take priority over my family again