If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I sympathize with your issues with women

I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one
I am dealing with many struggles but problems with women are not one of them

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
I have security watching over me

Foes that want to make sure my casket's closed
I have enemies who want me dead

Rap critics that say he's 'Money, cash, hoes'
Critics who accuse me of only rapping about materialistic things

I'm from the hood, stupid, what type of facts are those?
Being from the hood does not automatically make me a certain way

If you grew up with holes in your Zapatos
If you grew up poor

You'd celebrate the minute you was having dough
You would be happy once you started making money

I'm like, 'Fuck critics' you can kiss my whole asshole
I don't care what the critics have to say about me

If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward
If you don't like my music, you have the option to skip it

Got beef with radio if I don't play they show
I have issues with radio stations if they do not play my music

They don't play my hits, well, I don't give a shit, so
If my music isn't played on the radio, I don't care

Rap mags try and use my black ass
Magazines try to exploit me because I am black

So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers
These magazines are being paid by advertisers to feature me

I don't know what you take me as
I am unsure of how you perceive me

Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
Most people do not realize how intelligent I am

I'm from rags to riches, niggas I ain't dumb
I came from a poor background but that does not make me stupid

The year's '94 and my trunk is raw
It is the year 1994 and I have drugs in my car

In my rearview mirror is the motherfucking law
The police are behind me

I got two choices y'all, pull over the car or bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor
I have to decide whether to pull over and face arrest or flee from the police

Now I ain't trying to see no highway chase with Jake
I do not want to be involved in a high-speed police pursuit

Plus I got a few dollars I can fight the case
I have enough money to hire a good lawyer and fight the charges in court

So I, pull over to the side of the road
I decide to stop the car

I heard, 'Son, do you know why I'm stopping you for?'
The police officer questions me

'Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low
I assume I am being stopped because of my race and style of dress

Do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know
I respond sarcastically to the officer's question

Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?
I ask if I am being placed under arrest

'Well you was doing fifty-five in a fifty-four' (uh huh)
The officer explains why I was pulled over

'License and registration and step out of the car'
The officer asks for my license and registration and orders me to exit the vehicle

'Are you carrying a weapon on you, I know a lot of you are'
The officer asks if I am carrying a weapon, implying that many people in my community are armed

I ain't stepping out of shit, all my papers legit
I refuse to exit my car but my paperwork is in order

'Well do you mind if I look around the car a little bit?'
The officer asks for permission to search my car

Well my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the back
I inform the officer that my glove compartment and trunk are locked

And I know my rights so you goin' need a warrant for that
I remind the officer that a warrant is needed to search my car

'Aren't you sharp as a tack? You some type of lawyer or something?'
The officer is impressed with my knowledge of my rights

'Somebody important or something?'
The officer assumes that I must be a person of importance to know my rights

Well, I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit
I have not become a licensed lawyer but I still know my rights

Enough that you won't illegally search my shit
I know enough to prevent an officer from illegally searching my belongings

'Well we'll see how smart you are when the K-9 come'
The officer threatens to bring in a police dog to search my car

Now once upon a time not too long ago
I am telling a story from my past

A nigga like myself had to strong-arm a ho
I had to use physical force to control a woman

This is not a ho in the sense of having a pussy
I am not referring to a promiscuous woman

But a pussy having no goddamn sense try and push me
I am referring to a woman who lacks intelligence and tries to provoke me

I tried to ignore 'em, talk to the Lord
I tried to ignore this woman and pray for guidance

Pray for 'em, 'cause some fools just love to perform
I prayed for her because some people just crave attention

You know the type, loud as a motorbike
I am describing a type of person who is very obnoxious

But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
Despite their obnoxious demeanor, they are not confrontational

The only thing that's goin' happen is I'ma get to clapping and
If provoked, the only thing that will happen is I will start shooting

He and his boys goin' be yapping to the Captain
If I shoot, the victim and his friends will report me to the police

And there I go trapped in the Kit-Kat again
If I am arrested, I will be stuck in jail again

Back through the system with the riff-raff again
I will be caught up in the criminal justice system again

Fiends on the floor scratching again
Addicts will be suffering from withdrawal in the jail cell

Paparazzi's with they cameras, snapping 'em
News reporters will be taking pictures of me being arrested

D.A. tried to give a nigga shaft again
The District Attorney is trying to unfairly prosecute me

Half a mil' for bail 'cause I'm African
My bail is set at a high price because of my race

All because this fool was harassing them
I am being punished because I retaliated against someone harassing me

Trying to play the boy like he's saccharine
The victim was trying to sweet-talk me or act innocent

But ain't nothing sweet 'bout how I hold my gun
Despite their sweet talk, I am still a dangerous person

I got ninety-nine problems being a bitch ain't one, hit me
Although I have many issues, problems with women are not one of them

Ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one
I have many struggles, but problems with women are not one of them

I got ninety-nine problems and a bitch ain't one
I am dealing with many struggles but problems with women are not one of them

Having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I sympathize with your issues with women

You're crazy for this one, Rick, it's your boy
I am giving a shout-out to my friend Rick who produced this song