Dear Moleskine
Jay Electronica Lyrics

Yeah I can reconcile being depressed real bad
I am capable of dealing with extreme depression.

I'm a thinker not a drinker but still I Hennessy drag
I prefer to think my way through problems, but sometimes I turn to alcohol to numb the pain.

Alcohol numbs the pain like with novacane stabs
Just like a novocaine injection, alcohol can help numb emotional pain.

In your arteries pardon me but my city go mad
The violent gangs in my city are like poison in the veins of its people.

Via Compton California, corners with coroners and karma on em
I'm from Compton, California, where the intersections are filled with both dead bodies and the inevitable consequences of karma.

Colors corresponding to gangs upon us
The different colors that people wear in my neighborhood correspond to different gangs.

Common corrupted crip & piru's cripple the city
The violent activities of the Crips and Bloods are destroying the city.

Triple the crime, Bible nor the Qur'an can save
The crime rate is so high that even religious texts cannot save us.

Welcome don't be afraid, your city similar right?
I'm welcoming you to my neighborhood, which is probably similar to yours.

Where the choppers kidnap the night and police silence your rights
In my neighborhood, helicopters constantly roam the skies and police oppression silences the voices of the people.

Stare at the sky wonder will you live to see 25?
I look up at the sky and wonder if I'll be able to survive to the age of 25.

I'm 22 at 20 I knew I was against the odds
At 22 years old, I know that I was facing difficult odds for survival since the age of 20.

This kid named Jonathan was monitorin'
I once knew a kid named Jonathan who was closely watching his family members.

His momma & sister, his older cousin he honoured him
Jonathan respected and honored his mother, sister, and older cousin.

Anonymous bodies on his burner was astonishin'
Jonathan had witnessed so many homicides that he kept count on his burner phone.

To Johnny he might have been a modern day rider then
Jonathan may have viewed himself as a modern-day outlaw or gangster.

He walking outside again, he see the lifestyle of an active member
When he steps outside, Jonathan is faced with the life of a gang member.

Pull out a mac 11, now his eyes is big
Jonathan takes out a MAC-11 gun, and his eyes widen in excitement.

Fascinated by mayhem, what's his cousin to say now?
Jonathan finds the chaos and destruction of gangs fascinating, and his cousin doesn't know what to say.

He wanna be from the hood that he's from and that's one
Jonathan craves the sense of belonging that comes with being part of a community, but this community happens to be a dangerous gang.

More gangster under the family tree, took em under his wings like KFC
Now, Jonathan wants to be part of the family's gang legacy, and his cousin takes him under his wing to show him the ropes.

Crip crazy, rocking matching t-shirts that says "the hood made me"
Jonathan becomes completely immersed in the life of a Crip, wearing matching t-shirts with slogans about being shaped by the hood.

No love just spread slugs thats the policy, the leader and the prodigy
Unfortunately, the gang's policy is to shoot to kill with no compassion, and Jonathan follows the gang's leader like a loyal prodigy.

Now shorty do-wap, holdin a ou-wap, hanging with rah rah's with blah blah's
Jonathan is now known as "Shorty Do-Wap," and he carries a gun while hanging around with members of the gang.

That sit on the block catching fades, hitting licks, going on missions with lunatics
Jonathan and his fellow Crips hang around on the street corner, getting into fights, committing thefts, and going on dangerous missions with unpredictable members.

A 9th grade menace thugging for 6 months, smoking like 6 blunts
Jonathan begins his life of crime as a 9th-grader, and soon becomes a dangerous threat while smoking marijuana constantly.

An hour the power of banging, he was walking
Jonathan gains a sense of power and purpose from gang activity, and he walks with newfound confidence.

Little Johnny
Despite everything, Jonathan remains the same person he was before he fell into the Crips.

Have you ever ever ever been depressed so bad
Have you ever felt true, debilitating depression?

It was a struggle every day not to regret your past
Every day is a struggle not to dwell on past mistakes that lead to depression.

Feeling cursed like you never ever get your swag
Feeling cursed and unable to regain one's confidence or sense of style.

And you was speeding down the highway when your threshold pass
Some people resort to reckless behaviors, like speeding down the highway, in order to cope with emotional pain.

When you cried all your tears out
When one has exhausted all their emotions and no longer has any tears left to cry.

And one page of your diary can tell you what your year 'bout
A single page of one's diary can accurately predict what their entire year has been like in terms of emotional struggle.

That's a lonely place
Living with the intense pain of depression is a deeply isolated experience.

My mama said "Son, why such a lonely face?"
Even though my own mother has noticed my distress, she doesn't understand why I look so unhappy all the time.

Because the pressure's on me
I am under immense pressure to navigate the difficulties of life.

Plus I feel like Bill Murray trapped in Punxsutawney
I feel like I'm living the same day over and over again, like the movie Groundhog Day.

Dr. Phil told me that I can sell crack or hit the army
I'm so lost and desperate that I'm willing to turn to drug dealing or enlistment in the military in order to escape my mental state.

Look at where we live at Tell me you don't hear that
It's impossible to ignore the problems in our community.

Tell me you don't feel that
Surely you can sense the same despair and hopelessness I do?

Show me to the way out
I'm begging for someone to show me a path out of this despair.

Tell me when pastor Raphael gon' reveal that
I'm asking when spiritual guidance and enlightenment will reveal itself to me and offer me salvation from my trauma.

If not, man I'm outta here
If I can't find a way out of this pain, I may have to turn to more drastic measures, like self-harm or worse.

I'm just a sleep walking robot that's outta gear
I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life, with no sense of control or purpose.

I stick my nose out the water to the sky for air
I'm gasping for breath and looking for a way to stay afloat.

Lama sabachthani
This is a reference to Jesus' words on the cross, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" expressing a sense of spiritual abandonment and loss.

I'm trying to see light but the devil trying to blind me
I'm doing my best to find a source of hope or optimism, but forces of darkness and negativity are trying to obscure my vision.

The grim reaper walking with his shovel right behind me
The specter of death looms over me, as if the grim reaper himself is walking right behind me, waiting to strike.

Trying to introduce me to the untimely unkindly
Death is trying to bring me to an early and unkind fate.

I Walk the line finely like Johnny Cash
Like Johnny Cash, I try to navigate the fine line between life and death and hope to come out alive.

But I keep getting visits from the ghost of the past
Even as I try to move forward, past traumas and regrets continue to weigh me down and haunt me.

So I spark another L then I go to the pad
So I light another cigarette or joint, and try to find solace in writing out my feelings and thoughts.