Where Have You Been
Jay Z Feat. Beanie Sigel Lyrics

Damn how I'ma say this shit?
I'm struggling to find the right words to express myself.

Hey, hey dad, yeah, it's your boy
I'm reaching out to you, my father.

Remember me? I wanna talk to you scrap
I want to have a conversation with you, even though we haven't spoken in a while.

I remember being kicked out the house
I recall the time when I was kicked out of my home.

'Cause I looked just like you
Because I resembled you physically.

Said I'd be nothing but a crook
You told me that I would amount to nothing but a criminal.

The niggas in the hood was shook
The people in the neighborhood were afraid.

Where the just like you
They saw me as someone just like you.

Cause all they said was little whitey look
All they could see was a young version of you.

But dog I can't see it at all, shit
But honestly, I don't see the resemblance.

We never kicked it at all
We never spent any time together.

We never pitched or kicked at a ball
We never played sports or did activities together.

Dog, you never taught me shit
You never taught me anything.

How to fight, ride a bike, fix the flat
You never taught me basic skills like self-defense, riding a bike, or fixing a flat tire.

None of that sorts of shit
None of those things.

Nigga you was an abusive pop
You were an abusive father.

Fuck you left me out to dry, stuck
Fuck you for abandoning me, leaving me in a vulnerable position.

Gotta teach news to box
I had to learn how to fight on my own.

Gotta teach news to bop
I had to learn how to dance on my own.

And that ain't the half of it man
And that's not even the full extent of it, man.

I gotta teach news to block
I had to learn how to defend myself in the streets.

It's about time we have a father to son (nigga sit down)
It's long overdue for us to have a proper conversation as father and son.

Sit down let me tell you 'bout your fatherless sons
Sit down and let me explain the experiences of those who grew up without a father.

How they grew to be men and father they sons
How they matured and became fathers themselves.

Father they daughters
They also became fathers to their daughters.

Nigga, you left a fatherless daughter
You also left behind a daughter who grew up without a father.

I never follow your orders
I never listened to your commands.

Nigga you make me sick
Your actions disgust me.

Pussy you could, ooh
I have no respect for you.

How you gonna leave these memories in the back of my mind
How could you expect me to forget the memories that haunt me?

I can see it clear as day you smackin' my mom
I vividly remember witnessing you physically abusing my mother.

I 'member that day you showed me that gat, that 9
I remember the day you showed me a gun, a 9mm.

Put it in my palm when I was young
You placed it in my hand when I was young.

And said that would be mine, you turned me out
You encouraged me to embrace a life of violence and crime.

The reason why I hit the block
You're the reason why I became involved in street activities.

Reason why I tried to hit them cops
You influenced me to have a negative attitude towards law enforcement.

Reason why I started hittin' shots
You're the reason why I resorted to gun violence.

Reason why I started gettin' licked
You're the reason why I started using drugs.

And drinkin' syrup and skippin' court
I turned to substance abuse and evaded legal consequences.

Ginger bread man never think of gettin' caught
I believed I could escape punishment for my actions.

Look at your hands man damn you fought
Your hands show the damage you've inflicted through fighting.

Nigga you left my mom
You abandoned my mother.

Left us with no good-bye's
You left without saying goodbye.

You left us out to dry
You abandoned us without support.

You left us with no letters, notes (nothing), no replies
You didn't leave any written communication or respond to our messages.

No digits numbers was unlisted
We didn't even have your phone number, as it wasn't listed.

You left me with some of my loneliest nights
You left me feeling incredibly alone during many nights.

Nigga some of my hungriest nights
There were times when I didn't have enough to eat because of your absence.

Shit, one of the reasons for years (shit embarrasin')
This was one of the main factors affecting my life for many years (which is embarrassing).

Damn we used to think money was white
We grew up believing that money would solve all our problems.

Yeah you gave us life like, fruit from a plant
You provided for us in the sense of giving us life, like a plant bearing fruit.

We ain't eat right from them foods from them stamps
We didn't have proper nutrition relying on food purchased with government assistance.

And to think you was my pop
And to think that you were my father.

Man I gotta stop, shit
I need to stop dwelling on this, it's affecting me.

Daddy, where have you been?
Father, where have you been?

And when you come home, you got us here all alone
And when you return, we're left alone and abandoned.

Mommy, where daddy went?
Mommy, where did daddy go?

You always stick up for him, always said you'd make up for him
You always defended him, and promised to compensate for his absence.

Mommy, what happened then?
Mommy, what happened after that?

What was you cheatin' on him? Why he's always beatin' on you?
Did you cheat on him? Why did he always physically abuse you?

Daddy, where have you been?
Father, where have you been?

Nigga, you gon' hear me out
You're going to listen to what I have to say.

I wanted to walk just like you (remember?)
I wanted to emulate your mannerisms.

Wanted to talk just like you (word)
I wanted to speak in the same way as you.

Often momma said I look too much and I thought just like you
Mom often said I resembled you physically and in my mindset.

Wanted to drink Miller nips and smoke Newports just like you
I wanted to partake in the same vices as you, drinking and smoking.

But you left me, now I'm goin' to court just like you
But you abandoned me, and now I find myself facing legal issues like you did.

I would say, 'My daddy loves me and he'll never go away'
I used to proclaim confidently that my father loves me and will never leave.

Bullshit, do you even remember December's my birthday?
That's bullshit, do you even remember that my birthday falls in December?

Do you even remember the tender boy
Do you even remember the vulnerable young boy that I once was?

You turned into a cold young man
You transformed into an emotionally distant young man.

With one goal and one plan
Focused on one objective and one strategy.

Get mommy out of some jam, she was always in one
To help our mother escape difficult situations, as she often found herself in trouble.

Always short with the income
We always struggled financially.

Always late with the rent
We were constantly behind on paying the rent.

You said that you was comin' through
You promised that you would come and help us.

I would stay in the hallway (waitin')
I would wait in the hallway for your arrival.

Always playin' the bench (waitin')
Always left waiting on the sidelines.

And that day came and went
But that day came and passed without your presence.

Fuck you very much, you showed me the worst kind of pain
Fuck you for introducing me to the most intense form of suffering.

But I'm stronger and trust me I will never hurt again
But I have grown stronger and I promise I will never be hurt in the same way again.

Will never ask mommy, 'Why daddy don't love me?
I will never question my mother about why my father doesn't love me.

Why is we so poor?, Why is life so ugly?
I will never wonder why we are so financially disadvantaged and why life seems so bleak.

Mommy why is your eyes puffy?
Mommy, why are your eyes swollen from crying?

Please don't cry everything'll be alright
Please don't cry, everything will turn out fine.

I know it's dark now, but we gon' see the light
I know things may seem bleak now, but eventually, we will find happiness.

It's us against the world
It's just us, facing all the challenges together.

We don't need him, right? (Right)
We don't need him in our lives, do we? (Right)

Mommy drivin' 6's now (yeah), I got riches now (yeah)
Mommy drives luxury cars now, and I have achieved financial success.

I bought I nice home for both of my sisters now
I purchased a nice house for both of my sisters now.

We doin' real good
We're doing really well.

We don't miss you now
We no longer miss you.

See how life twists around, fucker?
Look at how life has turned around, you bastard?