Nine Inch Will Please A Lady
Jean Redpath Lyrics


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"Come rede me, dame, come tell me, dame,
"My dame come tell me truly,
"What length o′ graith, when weel ca'd hame,
"Will sair a woman duly?"
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready -
I learn′d a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.

But for a koontrie cunt like mine,
In sooth we're nae sae gentle;
We'll tak tway thumb-bread to the nine,
And that′s a sonsy pintle:
O Leeze me on my charlie lad,
I′ll ne'er forget my Charlie!
Tway roarin handfu′s and a daud,
He nidge't it in fu′ rarely.

But weary fa' the laithron doup,
And may it ne′er be thrivin!
It's no the length that maks me loup,
But it's the double drivin.
Come nidge me, Tam, come nudge me, Tam,
Come nidge me o′er the nyvel!




Come lowse and lug your battering ram,
And thrash him at the gyvel!

Overall Meaning

The lyrical content of Jean Redpath's song Nine Inch Will Please A Lady may seem raunchy and ribald on the surface, but there is much more going on in these verses than crude innuendo. The song begins with a woman asking another woman for advice on how long a "graith," or a man's genitalia, should be in order to "sair a woman duly." The second woman responds with a bit of folk wisdom she learned in Annandale: "Nine inch will please a lady." This line is repeated several times throughout the song, but the next verse introduces a bit of regional variation on the theme. The singer states that a "koontrie cunt" like hers requires a bit more girth to be satisfied, and that "tway thumb-bread to the nine" - in other words, a penis that's two finger-lengths across and nine fingers long - is more up her alley. She then fondly reminisces about her sexual experiences with a man named Charlie, whose "roarin handfu's and a daud" pleased her greatly.


The final verse of the song takes a bit of a turn, however. The singer declares that it's not just the length or girth of a man's penis that influences her sexual satisfaction, but also the way he uses it. She proclaims that it's not the "length that maks me loup" (or, in modern terms, the size of the penis that arouses her), but rather the "double drivin" - presumably meaning a combination of fast and forceful penetration. She then addresses her sexual partner, Tam, asking him to "nudge" and "lowse" his "battering ram" to help her achieve orgasm.


Overall, Nine Inch Will Please A Lady uses ribald sexual humor to explore ideas about gender, sexuality, and cultural difference. The repetition of the "nine inch" refrain throughout the song suggests that women may have shared knowledge and expectations about men's bodies, while the regional variation on this idea highlights the diversity of female sexuality. The singer's declaration that it's not just the size of a man's penis that matters, but also how he uses it, may be read as a critique of traditional gender roles that prioritize male pleasure over female pleasure.


Line by Line Meaning

Come rede me, dame, come tell me, dame,
The singer is asking an older woman to give her advice.


My dame come tell me truly,
The singer wants the woman to be honest.


What length o′ graith, when weel ca'd hame,
The singer wants to know the optimal length of a man's genitalia when having sexual intercourse with a woman.


Will sair a woman duly?
The artist is asking if the optimal length will satisfy a woman.


The carlin clew her wanton tail,
The old woman lifted her skirt and exposed her genitals.


Her wanton tail sae ready -
She seemed eager and ready for sex.


I learn′d a sang in Annandale,
The singer learned a song in a particular town in Scotland called Annandale.


Nine inch will please a lady.
The artist believes that a man with a nine-inch genital would satisfy a woman.


But for a koontrie cunt like mine,
However, the artist acknowledges that not every vagina is the same.


In sooth we're nae sae gentle;
The artist's vagina is not as sensitive.


We'll tak tway thumb-bread to the nine,
The singer believes that a two-thumb size genital would be enough for her.


And that′s a sonsy pintle:
It is a suitable size for her.


O Leeze me on my charlie lad,
The singer likes her partner, Charlie.


I′ll ne'er forget my Charlie!
She will always remember him.


Tway roarin handfu′s and a daud,
She likes it when he uses two hands and gives a hard thrust.


He nidge't it in fu′ rarely.
Charlie inserted himself fully and enthusiastically.


But weary fa' the laithron doup,
However, the artist dislikes when her partner is not vigorous.


And may it ne′er be thrivin!
She hopes to have a partner who is always vigorous.


It's no the length that maks me loup,
The singer's enjoyment doesn't depend on the size of the genitals.


But it's the double drivin.
What excites her is the vigor of the partner during sex.


Come nidge me, Tam, come nudge me, Tam,
The artist is calling her partner Tam to feel her genitals.


Come nidge me o′er the nyvel!
She wants her partner to insert his genital more deeply.


Come lowse and lug your battering ram,
She is asking Tam to use his genital forcefully.


And thrash him at the gyvel!
She wants Tam to be vigorous and excited.




Writer(s): Robert Burns, Serge Hovey

Contributed by Oliver T. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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