Black Winter Day
Jedi Mind Tricks Lyrics

Yeah, most of my adult life I've been torn into two
I have spent the majority of my adult life struggling with conflicting emotions and thoughts.

If you love me, then I love you and this song is for you
This song is dedicated to those who have shown me love and support throughout my struggles.

It's tight hard when you know what you said
It's difficult when you realize the impact of your words and actions.

And your shorty seein' you as an emotional wreck
It's challenging when your significant other sees you in a vulnerable and unstable state.

The closer I get, it's like the farther I feel
Despite my efforts to get closer to people, it seems like I am drifting further away from them.

And my heart has turned into this heavy armor and steel
My heart has become hardened and fortified due to the emotional battles I have faced.

It's hard to be real, hard to listen to the dumb shit
Being genuine is difficult, especially when having to confront and hear irrational thoughts and opinions from others.

And I take a lot of pills 'cause it numbs shit
I rely on medication to numb emotional pain.

I wish I had another path to follow
I wish there was a different, clearer direction for me to take in life.

Wish that I could be a man and learn to pass the bottle
I wish I could cope with my issues without resorting to alcohol.

A graphic novel, my future a box or an urn
My future seems uncertain and could either amount to something great or end in death.

Havin' dreams about death, but I'm not that concerned
I have reoccurring dreams about death, but I am not overly worried or fearful of it.

And I'm diseased, through the seasons they turn
I feel corrupted and unhealthy, as seasons slowly change around me.

Watchin' leaves from the trees turn disease and they burn
Observing leaves from the trees become diseased and burn, reflects the state of my own life and health.

I'm eager to learn, but I'm holdin' my breath
I am willing and eager to learn, but hesitant and cautious about what is to come.

And everyday alive is just another closer to death
Every day that I am alive brings me closer to the inevitability of death.

Yeah, I've been alive longer then I expected to be
I have surpassed my own expectations of how long I thought I would live.

And took care of everything that's expected of me
I have fulfilled the societal and familial obligations placed upon me.

Took care of my girl and my mother
I have been responsible for caring and providing for my girlfriend and mother.

I told her that I'm always here and I love her
I have reassured my mother of my love and support for her.

I handle shit differently 'cause I'm grown now
I have a different approach to dealing with problems, now that I am an adult.

And the truth is that I'd rather be alone now
Truthfully, I prefer to be alone and deal with things on my own.

I'd rather not have to deal with the day
I would prefer to avoid the challenges and responsibilities of day-to-day life.

And I hate when people ask me how I'm feelin' today
I dislike when people inquire about my well-being, as I do not wish to express vulnerability or weakness.

My brother Rasul, we had a beef and grudge
My brother and I had a disagreement and bad blood between us.

But we grew up together, cousin, so it's peace and love
Despite our differences, our upbringing as family members brings us together in peace and love.

I wish all the best, I wish all the shine
I genuinely wish others success and prosperity.

I wish I didn't wanna offer my thoughts with a nine
I wish I did not feel violent or aggressive when expressing my opinions.

I'm thoughtful and kind, but I'm evil alas
Despite my normally kind nature, I sometimes exhibit evil or negative behavior.

But everything I love has turned to a tedious task
The things that I once enjoyed have become repetitive and mentally draining.

I feel that life a waiting game for people to pass
Life seems like a long waiting period for someone close to me to die.

But nobody ever want you to see through the mask
Nobody wants me to truly see their true self and inner emotions.

Yeah, I don't wanna be a burden to y'all
I do not wish to cause troubles or burden those around me.

I just wanna know exactly what my purpose is for
I just want to understand my specific purpose and place in life.

I feel like nothin' I do is ever right
I constantly doubt and criticize my own actions and decisions.

And that I'm actin' a fool another night
I feel like I am behaving foolishly and carelessly yet again.

And I admit, I don't take care of myself
I admit that I often neglect my own physical and emotional well-being.

So I do a lot of thinkin' and preparing myself
I spend a lot of time reflecting on and mentally preparing for potential hardships and obstacles.

'Cause the fact is my father died young and I might, too
I am aware that my father died at a young age and acknowledge the possibility of the same fate for myself.

And it ain't any way to tell what I might do
There is no way to predict what actions I may take in the future.

I don't wanna leave my mother behind
I do not want to leave my mother alone or without support.

I don't want for her to cry, because the struggle is mine
I do not wish for my struggles and difficulties to cause my mother emotional pain and distress.

I don't want for her to grind no more
I do not want my mother to have to work tirelessly anymore.

I don't have to work a fuckin' 9-to-5 before
I have not had to experience the difficulties of working a traditional 9-to-5 job.

So I'm tryin' to get this money to provide for y'all
I am working towards earning money in order to support and provide for my loved ones.

And if the shit ain't work out and I'm suddenly gone
If my plans and attempts fail and I pass away suddenly,

Just remember that the motherfuckin' love isn't gone
Remember that my love for my family will always remain, even after my death.

Pazman
This is the artist's name.