In California
Joanna Newsom Lyrics
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on the day I sunk in this shunt,
to tap me clean
of all the wonder
and the sorrow I have seen,
since I left my home:
My home, on the old Milk Lake,
it feels like some kind of mistake
(just like they told you it would;
just like the Tulgeywood).
When I came into my land,
I did not understand:
neither dry rot, nor the burn pile,
nor the bark-beetle, nor the dry well,
nor the black bear.
But there is another,
who is a little older.
When I broke my bone,
he carried me up from the riverside.
To spend my life
in spitting-distance
of the love that I have known,
I must stay here, in an endless eventide.
And if you come and see me,
you will upset the order.
You cannot come and see me,
for I set myself apart.
But when you come and see me,
in California,
you cross the border of my heart.
Well, I have sown untidy furrows
across my soul,
but I am still a coward,
content to see my garden grow
so sweet & full
of someone else's flowers.
But sometimes
I can almost feel the power.
Sometimes I am so in love with you
(like a little clock
that trembles on the edge of the hour,
only ever calling out "Cuckoo, cuckoo").
When I called you,
you, little one,
in a bad way,
did you love me?
Do you spite me?
Time will tell if I can be well,
and rise to meet you rightly.
While, moving across my land,
brandishing themselves
like a burning branch,
advance the tallow-colored,
walleyed deer,
quiet as gondoliers,
while I wait all night, for you,
in California,
watching the fox pick off my goldfish
from their sorry, golden state--
and I am no longer
afraid of anything, save
the life that, here, awaits.
I don't belong to anyone.
My heart is heavy as an oil drum.
And I don't want to be alone.
My heart is yellow as an ear of corn,
and I have torn my soul apart, from
pulling artlessly with fool commands.
Some nights
I just never go to sleep at all,
and I stand,
shaking in my doorway like a sentinel,
all alone,
bracing like the bow upon a ship,
and fully abandoning
any thought of anywhere
but home,
my home.
Sometimes I can almost feel the power.
And I do love you.
Is it only timing,
that has made it such a dark hour,
only ever chiming out,
"Cuckoo, cuckoo"?
My heart, I wear you down, I know.
Gotta think straight,
keep a clean plate;
keep from wearing down.
If I lose my head,
just where am I going to lay it?
(For it has half-ruined me,
to be hanging around,
here, among the daphne,
blooming out of the big brown;
I am native to it, but I'm overgrown.
I have choked my roots
on the earth, as rich as roe,
here,
down in California.)
The song "In California" by Joanna Newsom seems to be a commentary on the nature of California, both the physical nature and the social nature. The song tells the story of someone who has been living in California for a while now, and has come to appreciate its beauty but also its darkness. Reminiscing about their home on Milk Lake, they compare the fast-falling darkness to the mistakes that they were warned about when they came to California. They speak poetically about their love and heartbreak, and how it has affected them. They mention feeling drunk and being tapped clean of all the wonder and sorrow they have seen, suggesting that they are both overwhelmed and exhausted by their experiences in California. The song ends on a contemplative note, with the singer stating that they don't belong to anyone and must keep themselves together in order to survive.
The lyrics are filled with interesting imagery that adds depth and meaning to the song. The reference to Milk Lake, which is not a real place in California, suggests that the singer is longing for a simpler time and a simpler life. The reference to the "Tulgeywood" is a reference to the forest in Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky" poem, which suggests that the singer feels like they are in a strange and surreal place in California. The reference to the "bark-beetle" and "black bear" suggest that the singer is aware of the dangers and challenges of life in California, both natural and man-made. The reference to the "tallow-colored, walleyed deer" is a beautiful and haunting description of California's wildlife, which is both fragile and powerful.
Overall, "In California" is a complex and beautiful song that explores the tensions and contradictions of living in California. It is a moving tribute to the beauty and harshness of the golden state, and to the people who try to make a life there.
Line by Line Meaning
My heart became a drunken runt on the day I sunk in this shunt
My heart shrunk in fear when I had to undergo a medical procedure to clear my arteries
to tap me clean of all the wonder and the sorrow I have seen, since I left my home
I lost my sense of awe and sadness after leaving my hometown
My home, on the old Milk Lake, where the darkness does fall so fast, it feels like some kind of mistake
My hometown by Milk Lake is extremely dark and eerie, as if it's a mistake
just like they told you it would; just like the Tulgeywood
The darkness is just as people warned it would be, like in the fictional Tulgeywood
When I came into my land, I did not understand
I didn't know how to deal with the challenges of my new land
But there is another, who is a little older
There's someone older who has more experience and knowledge about the land I'm in
When I broke my bone, he carried me up from the riverside
He helped me when I was injured by carrying me back home
To spend my life in spitting-distance of the love that I have known, I must stay here, in an endless eventide
I have to stay where my loved one is, even if it means staying in this never-ending darkness
And if you come and see me, you will upset the order
If you visit me, it will disrupt my routine and way of life
You cannot come and see me, for I set myself apart
I prefer to be alone and have isolated myself from others
But when you come and see me, in California, you cross the border of my heart
If you do visit me in California, it will mean a lot to me and touch my heart
Well, I have sown untidy furrows across my soul, but I am still a coward, content to see my garden grow so sweet & full of someone else's flowers
I've made mistakes in life but haven't fixed them, instead content with watching others succeed
Sometimes I am so in love with you, like a little clock that trembles on the edge of the hour, only ever calling out 'Cuckoo, cuckoo'
I sometimes feel deeply in love with you, like a clock that's about to cuckoo
While, moving across my land, brandishing themselves like a burning branch, advance the tallow-colored, walleyed deer, quiet as gondoliers, while I wait all night, for you, in California, watching the fox pick off my goldfish from their sorry, golden state--and I am no longer afraid of anything, save the life that, here, awaits
As the deer move across my land, I wait for you while feeling unafraid except for the life I lead in California
My heart is heavy as an oil drum
I feel deep sadness and burden in my heart
And I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be lonely
My heart is yellow as an ear of corn, and I have torn my soul apart, from pulling artlessly with fool commands
My heart is fragile and weak, and I've caused myself mental anguish by making foolish decisions
Some nights I just never go to sleep at all, and I stand, shaking in my doorway like a sentinel, all alone, bracing like the bow upon a ship, and fully abandoning any thought of anywhere but home, my home
On some nights, I can't sleep and stand guard outside my doorway, fully focused on my home
My heart, I wear you down, I know
I know I'm wearing my heart out
keep a clean plate; keep from wearing down
Take care of yourself and don't let yourself get worn down
For it has half-ruined me, to be hanging around, here, among the daphne, blooming out of the big brown; I am native to it, but I'm overgrown. I have choked my roots on the earth, as rich as roe, here, down in California
Being in California has made me feel destroyed and overgrown, like my roots are choking on the rich soil
Contributed by Skyler T. Suggest a correction in the comments below.