Hodges was apparently aware of this effect, leaving the Ellington orchestra in the 1950's, to be replaced by the stellar alto man, Willie Smith, formerly the lead alto star of the Jimmy Lunceford Orchestra. This situation somehow benefitted neither Ellington or Hodges, with the Ellington orchestra losing a certain luster despite Mr. Smith's excellence, and with major stardom just beyond Mr. Hodges' reach.
Luckily for the listener the recordings Mr. Hodges left behind as a leader, while arguably eluding stardom for the artist at the time, are nonpareil examples of relaxed swing, subtle inflection and perfect phrasing, peerless tone and seemingly effortless technique. More luck for the listener, Mr. Hodges later rejoined the Ellington fold, returning a signature sound to the orchestra's unique palette for many years after.
It has been reported that the Ellington orchestra worked nearly 365 days a year. When asked about this grueling schedule Mr. Ellington said something to the effect that he would settle for nothing less than the finest artists for his orchestra. What with the necessarily high salaries accorded an orchestra of virtuosos, the band had to work often in order to survive. Certainly no one in the Ellington orchestra more exemplified Mr. Ellington's highest standards than Johhny Hodges.
Foolin' Myself
Johnny Hodges Lyrics
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But somehow I find
Trying to keep you out of my heart
I'm out of my mind
I tell myself I'm through with you
And I'll be having nothing more to do with you
I stay away, but every day
Tell my friends that I don't care
I shrug my shoulders at the whole affair
But all know it isn't so
I'm just foolin' myself
And every time I pass
And see my face in a looking glass
I tip my hat and say
How do you do, you fool
You're throwing your life away
I'm acting gay, I'm acting proud
And every time I see you in a crowd
I may pretend, but in the end
I'm just foolin' myself
The song Foolin' Myself by Johnny Hodges is a poignant ballad about a person who tries to move on from a lost love but finds it difficult to do so. The lyrics are about someone who is pretending they no longer care about their ex-partner, but in reality, they are fooling themselves. They are out of their mind, unable to keep their former lover out of their heart. The words, "I'm acting gay, I'm acting proud," reveal the singer's inner turmoil, as they put up a façade to the people around them, pretending that they have moved on, whereas, in reality, they have not.
The passage, “Tell my friends that I don't care, I shrug my shoulders at the whole affair/But all know it isn't so, I'm just foolin' myself”, shows that the singer knows they are not fooling anybody but themselves. They are aware that their heart is still in the relationship, and therefore have made their friends aware of the fact they are trying to move on, but deep down they know better. When the singer sees their reflection in the looking glass, they remember their former lover and berate themselves for throwing their life away.
Overall, the lyrics to Foolin' Myself speak of heartbreak and the pain of trying to move on from a lost love. The song is a testament to the difficulties of letting go of someone you still love, and the futility of pretending that you have moved on when you haven't. Despite its melancholic tone, the song is still well-loved and continues to inspire generations.
Line by Line Meaning
I try to keep you out of my heart
I attempt to avoid experiencing feelings for you.
But somehow I find
However, I always end up failing at doing so.
Trying to keep you out of my heart
Striving to not fall in love with you.
I'm out of my mind
I am irrational and foolishly enamored with you.
I tell myself I'm through with you
I repeatedly declare that I am finished with you.
And I'll be having nothing more to do with you
I will be completely done with you and will avoid you completely.
I stay away, but every day
I take physical distance from you, yet I think of you constantly.
I'm just foolin' myself
In reality, I am lying to myself and I am still obsessed with you.
Tell my friends that I don't care
I state to my acquaintances that your absence does not affect me.
I shrug my shoulders at the whole affair
I seem uninterested in our situation.
But all know it isn't so
However, everyone is aware that I am speaking falsely.
And every time I pass
Each instance when I walk by you.
And see my face in a looking glass
Whenever I see myself reflected in a mirror.
I tip my hat and say
I acknowledge myself with a respectful gesture.
How do you do, you fool
Hello there, you hapless person who pursues a fruitless infatuation.
You're throwing your life away
You are wasting your existence on this unreturned affection.
I'm acting gay, I'm acting proud
I display a happy, confident demeanor.
And every time I see you in a crowd
At each moment when I notice you amongst a throng of people.
I may pretend, but in the end
I simulate a false attitude, but ultimately,
I'm just foolin' myself
I am only misguiding myself, still infatuated with you.
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Written by: ANDY RAZAF, FATS WALLER
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind