Everyday Normal Guy
Jon Lajoie Lyrics

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy
I am an average Joe with nothing special about me

Nothin' special 'bout me motherfucker
I am emphasizing that there is nothing unique or attention-worthy about me

When I go to the clubs, I wait in line motherfucker
I am not a VIP or privileged person, I have to wait in line like everyone else

I got six hundred dollars in the bank motherfucker
I don't have a lot of money saved up

And my sexual performances are average
I am neither great nor terrible in bed

I work at customer service for a phone company
I have a job in the customer service sector

I make twelve bucks an hour but that's all I need
I don't require a lot of money to get by

I live in a small apartment on a quiet street
I don't have an extravagant living situation

I don't go out too much, I like to watch TV
I am content with staying home and watching TV

I can't afford a car, I use public transportation
I don't have the financial means to own a car

I don't mind, I read 'til I reach my destination
I use my commuting time to read and improve myself

Sometimes a newspaper, sometimes a book
I read different types of material during my commutes

The amount of money I save, the shit is off the hook
I am very good at saving money

And I'm not very good with the women
I struggle with meeting and attracting women

I'm a pretty shy person and I'm average lookin'
I am not confident in social settings and don't stand out in terms of my looks

Last time I had sex was in 2003
I haven't had sex in a long time

And I am ashamed to admit it, but it wasn't free
I am admitting that I paid for sex, which is a source of shame for me

I get nervous in social situations motherfucker
I am prone to anxiety in social settings

I get constipated once a month motherfucker
I have digestive issues and have to deal with constipation on a regular basis

And I make pretty good spaghetti sauce, motherfucker
I am proud of my own cooking abilities, particularly when it comes to making spaghetti sauce

And I get scared when I go see the dentist
I am afraid of dentists

I'm the Pauly Shore of everyday life
I am a nobody and not well-liked, just like Pauly Shore

Easily forgettable, and I'm not very liked
I am forgettable and not popular

I have an 'According to Jim' personality
I have a bland and stereotypical personality, similar to the TV show 'According to Jim'

I'm as entertaining as a fuckin' STD
I am incredibly boring and uninteresting

If you wanna mess with me, I think you probably can
I am not physically or emotionally strong and can easily be taken advantage of

Because I'm not confident and I'm weak for a man
I lack confidence and strength as a man

I'll just roll up in a ball while you kick me in the back
I am not brave and will simply take the beating

Yeah honestly, I probably won't fight back
Acknowledging that I will almost definitely not resist in a physical altercation

And I don't have many friends that would back me up
I don't have a strong support system of friends that I can rely on

My friend Steve would, but he doesn't look very tough
The only friend I have that might stand up for me is physically weak

If you rarely get laid put your hands up
I am asking if others share my sexual struggle

If you're not well paid put yo' hands up
I am asking if others share my financial situation

If you got a pet cat put your hands up
I am asking if others have cats as pets

And if you got a bad back put your hands up
I am asking if others share my back problems

Hurt my back, couple summers ago, moving a fridge
I hurt my back in the past while moving a refrigerator

And ever since then it's just not the same, and
Since that incident, my back has not fully recovered

It gets pretty sore
My back often experiences pain and discomfort

My parents are really nice people motherfucker
I come from a good family with kind parents

I'm somewhat afraid of heights, motherfucker
I have a fear of heights

I like the show 'Grey's Anatomy' motherfucker
I enjoy watching the TV show 'Grey's Anatomy'

And I'm pretty good at makin' paper planes
I have a skill for making paper airplanes