Josh A occasionally raps under the alter ego “Lil Revive”. With this alter ego he frequently collaborates with Jake Hill’s alter egos Lil Tra$h and Lil Pinecone as well as Darko.
Suicidal Thoughts
Josh A Lyrics
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I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying
Why do I even try?
Why do I even write lyrics about how I'm living the life
When I'm battling pain and my demons at night?
The devil pouncin', I hear him howlin', my vision cloudin'
Man, I tried to escape but there ain't no way
Try to be strong when I deal with the pain, yeah
But I'm ditching the coffin, so my family has options
Gotta work 'til I'm dead so that they get the best
Don't wanna set up a bad example
'Cause the kids looking up can't leave in shambles
Can't make them think clocking out's okay
So fuck suicide, I'm here to stay
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light, no no
I'll be out here runnin', I'll be runnin' from myself now
Gunnin' demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I'll be runnin' now, I'll be runnin' from myself now
Gunnin' demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fucking die
I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying
One too many bad thoughts inside me
Got a hole in my heart put the past behind me
I'm pressed with time, I'm stressed with life, my breath is ice
I guess I might just bottle it up some more just like always
Barely standing, crawling down the hallways
Sink into my bed, with death inside my head
Yeah, that note you found? I didn't mean it
Just wish I had a better sense of meaning
Never meant to let you down, I've been down and out
Racing thoughts had to drown them out, fuck
Never giving in I swear to God
No matter how many times I prayed to a God I don't believe in
Just to see if I will never wake up, but he called my bluff
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light, no no
I'll be out here runnin', I'll be runnin' from myself now
Gunnin' demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I'll be runnin' now, I'll be runnin' from myself now
Gunnin' demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fucking die
I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying
(I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fucking die)
(I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright)
(But every day I feel like dying)
(Every day I feel like dying)
The lyrics in Josh A's song "Suicidal Thoughts" describe the internal struggle of someone who is not actually suicidal but instead experiences feelings of deep pain and despair on a daily basis. The singer wants to find a way to feel okay and free from the constant suffering, but they cannot seem to escape their own demons. They question why they even bother trying to live their life and create art when they are constantly battling their own darkness. The devil is tempting them and it is a struggle to escape from his hold, but the singer refuses to give up and take their own life. They want to set a good example for those who look up to them and refuse to let suicide be seen as a viable option. Despite everything, they still feel like they are wasting their time and struggling to find the light.
The lyrics paint a vivid picture of someone who is going through a lot of emotional pain and turmoil. The singer is honest about their struggles but also emphasizes their determination to keep going and find their way out of the darkness. They recognize the importance of setting a good example and refuse to give up no matter how hard things get. Overall, the song delivers a powerful message about resilience and the importance of seeking help when struggling with mental health.
Line by Line Meaning
I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fucking die
I do not have suicidal thoughts or wish to end my life
I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
I want to find peace and relaxation in my own mind
But every day I feel like dying, every day I feel like dying
Even though I do not want to die, I feel depressed and hopeless every day
Why do I even try?
I question the purpose of my efforts and work towards relief from my emotional pain
Why do I even write lyrics about how I'm living the life
I feel conflicted about the messages I am sharing with my music and the reality of my own struggles
When I'm battling pain and my demons at night?
I experience intense emotional pain and fight with personal demons that cause me distress especially at night
Trying to find a new outlet
I am searching for a healthy way to cope with my struggles
The devil pouncin', I hear him howlin', my vision cloudin'
My negative thoughts and emotions feel overwhelming and heavy at times
Man, I tried to escape but there ain't no way
I have tried to escape and find relief from my pain, but it is not so simple
Try to be strong when I deal with the pain, yeah
I am attempting to be resilient and maintain my strength while I continue to struggle with my emotional pain
But I'm ditching the coffin, so my family has options
I am working to create a better financial future for my family in case something does happen to me
Gotta work 'til I'm dead so that they get the best
I feel the weight of financial responsibility for my family and am working hard to give them the best life I can
Don't wanna set up a bad example
I do not want to perpetuate a negative cycle of harmful behaviors or thoughts for others to follow
'Cause the kids looking up can't leave in shambles
I am mindful of the impact my actions and words have on younger generations
Can't make them think clocking out's okay
I must set a positive example of resilience and grit for children and other people who may look up to me
So fuck suicide, I'm here to stay
I reject the notion of suicide and am determined to push through my challenges
One too many bad thoughts inside me
The weight of negative thoughts inside me has become too much to bear
Got a hole in my heart put the past behind me
I have experienced emotional pain and trauma that still affect me today, but I am working through it and moving on to heal
I'm pressed with time, I'm stressed with life, my breath is ice
I feel pressured and overwhelmed with the everyday stresses of life, and it is affecting me emotionally and physically
I guess I might just bottle it up some more just like always
I have a tendency to suppress my emotions and avoid confronting my pain
Barely standing, crawling down the hallways
I feel like I am barely holding on and moving forward in my life
Sink into my bed, with death inside my head
I am consumed by thoughts of death and dying, to the point where it is affecting my sleep and daily life
Yeah, that note you found? I didn't mean it
I may have left a concerning note before, but it was not my true intent or desire to die
Just wish I had a better sense of meaning
I am struggling with finding purpose and meaning in my life despite my challenges
Never meant to let you down, I've been down and out
I did not intend to disappoint or hurt those around me, but I am struggling with my own hardships
Racing thoughts had to drown them out, fuck
I am trying to quiet my racing thoughts and take control of my mind
Never giving in I swear to God
I am determined not to give in to my negative thoughts and emotions
No matter how many times I prayed to a God I don't believe in
I have tried to find comfort and solace in religion, but it has not been successful for me
Just to see if I will never wake up, but he called my bluff
I may have hoped for an escape from my pain through death, but I know deep down I do not truly want to die
Try to free my mind
I am actively working to free myself from negative thoughts and emotions
I don't know what's right
I am uncertain about how to find relief and what is best for my mental health
Wasting all my time, tryna find the light
I feel overwhelmed by the process of trying to heal myself and find peace
I'll be out here runnin', I'll be runnin' from myself now
I am constantly seeking distraction and escape from my negative thoughts and emotions
Gunnin' demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I am fighting my personal demons and working to find a way out of my emotional pain and struggles
Lyrics © Songtrust Ave
Written by: Daniel Jacob Hill, Joshua Chace Ashcraft
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Roses
someone wanna hold hands and jump of a cliff with me?
@chrissuper
Lyrics (from what I hear, if I'm wrong feel free to correct me)
I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fuckin' die
just wanna be able to close my eyes
and feel alright, but every day I feel like dyin'
every day I feel like dyin'
Why do I even try, why do I even write
lyrics about how I'm livin' the life
when I'm battlin' pain
and my demons at night
trying to find a new outlet
the devil pounced in
I hear him howlin'
my vision cloudin'
man I tried to escape but there ain't no way
try to be strong when I deal with the pain
yah, but I'm ditchin' the coffin
so my family has options
gonna work till I'm dead
so that they get the best
don't wanna set up a bad example
'cause kids lookin' up
can't live with shambles
can't let them think clockin' outs okay
so fuck suicide I'm here to stay
tried to free my mind
I don't know what's right
wastin' all my time
tryna find the light
tried to free my mind
I don't know what's right
wastin' all my time
tryna find the light
I'll be at it runnin'
I'll be runnin' from myself now
gunning demons down
find my way out of the cell now
I'll be runnin' oh
I'll be runnin' from myself now
gunning demons down
find my way out of the cell now
I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fuckin' die
just wanna be able to close my eyes
and feel alright, but every day I feel like dyin'
every day I feel like dyin'
one too many bad thoughts inside me
got a hole in my heart put the past behind me
I'm pressed for time I'm stressed with life
my breath is ice I guess I might just
bottle it up some more just like always
barely stand to crawl down the hallways
sink into my bed, with death inside my head
That note you found, I didn't mean it
just wish I had a better sense of meaning
never meant to let you down
I've been down and out
erasing thoughts, I had to drown 'em out FUCK
Never givin' in I swear to god
no matter how many times I pray to a god
that I don't believe in, just to see if I'll never wake up
but he called my bluff
tried to free my mind
I don't know what's right
wastin' all my time
tryna find the light
tried to free my mind
I don't know what's right
wastin' all my time
tryna find the light
I'll be at it runnin'
I'll be runnin' from myself now
gunning demons down
find my way out of the cell now
I'll be runnin' oh
I'll be runnin' from myself now
gunning demons down
find my way out of the cell now
I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fuckin' die
just wanna be able to close my eyes
and feel alright, but every day I feel like dyin'
every day I feel like dyin'
I'm not suicidal, I don't wanna fuckin' die (distorted)
just wanna be able to close my eyes
and feel alright, but every day I feel like dyin'
every day I feel like dyin'
If anyone has suicidal thoughts or if you just don't think that you're good enough, please call the suicidal prevention hotline
like the song says, "fuck suicide I'm here to stay" everyone has a purpose and a place in life, bad things happen to everyone and we just gotta fight through it!
1-800-273-8255
@xjsmykxx_1240
[Hook: Jake Hill]
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
[Verse 1: Josh A]
Why do I even try?
Why do I even write lyrics about how I'm living the life when I'm battling pain and my demons at night
Trying to find a new outlet
The devil pounced in
I hear him howling, my vision clouded
Man I tried to escape but there ain't no way
Try to be strong when I deal with the pain
(yuh) Put a bitch in the coffin, so my family has options
Gonna work till' I'm dead
So that they get the best
Don't wanna set up a bad example cause' kids looking up
Can't leave them in shambles can't make them think clocking out is ok
So fuck suicide I'm here to stay
[Chorus: Josh A]
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
(nah, nah)
I'll be out here running, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down find my way out of this cell now
I'll be running now, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down, find my way out of this cell now
[Hook: Jake Hill]
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
[Verse 2: Jake Hill]
One too many bad thoughts inside me
Got a hole in my heart put the past behind me
I'm pressed with time, I'm stressed with life, my breath is ice
I guess I might just bottle it up some more just like always
Barely standing, crawling down the hallways
Sink into my bed, with death inside my head
(Yeah) That note you found I didn't mean it
Just wish I had a better sense of meaning
Never meant to let you down
I've been down now racing thoughts had to drown them out
(Fuck)
Never giving in I swear to god, no matter how many times I pray to a god
I don't believe in just to see if I will never wake up
But he called my bluff
[Chorus: Josh A]
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
(nah, nah)
I'll be out here running, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down find my way out of this cell now
I'll be running now, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down, find my way out of this cell now
[Outro: Jake Hill]
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
(Muffled)
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
@blissconnect_
[Jake Hill:]
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
[Josh A:]
Why do I even try?
Why do I even write lyrics about how I'm living the life when I'm battling pain and my demons at night
Trying to find a new outlet
The devil pounced in
I hear him howling, my vision clouded
Man I tried to escape but there ain't no way
Try to be strong when I deal with the pain
(Yuh) Put a bitch in the coffin, so my family has options
Gonna work till' I'm dead
So that they get the best
Don't wanna set up a bad example cause' kids looking up
Can't leave them in shambles can't make them think clocking out is ok
So fuck suicide I'm here to stay
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
(Nah, nah)
I'll be out here running, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down find my way out of this cell now
I'll be running now, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down, find my way out of this cell now
[Jake Hill:]
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
One too many bad thoughts inside me
Got a hole in my heart put the past behind me
I'm pressed with time, I'm stressed with life, my breath is ice
I guess I might just bottle it up some more just like always
Barely standing, crawling down the hallways
Sink into my bed, with death inside my head
(Yeah) That note you found I didn't mean it
Just wish I had a better sense of meaning
Never meant to let you down
I've been down now racing thoughts had to drown them out
(Fuck)
Never giving in I swear to God, no matter how many times I pray to a God
I don't believe in just to see if I will never wake up
But he called my bluff
[Josh A:]
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
Try to free my mind
I don't know what's right
Wasting all my time, trying to find the light
(Nah, nah)
I'll be out here running, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down find my way out of this cell now
I'll be running now, I'll be running from myself now
Gunning demons down, find my way out of this cell now
[Jake Hill:]
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
(Muffled)
I'm not suicidal I don't wanna fucking die
Just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying (dying...)
@hectictrolls6176
" Depression is like u don't wanna die , but also don't wanna exist "
@yeetskeet1581
good quote but depression is many things, not just that. not disagreeing with your quote just pointing out that its a mental illness with many expressions
@iambackyo6803
Yup
@azzerith6339
Yea
@animeedits3865
@@yeetskeet1581 yea
@azzerith6339
@@alexdaniel5641 how did you talk to me
@xtaniwhax9655
Me: *gets mild depression*
Everyone in my family: its those pesky headphones
@yernef350
If you only listen to sad songs yeah its those pesky headphones ^^
@xtaniwhax9655
@@yernef350 that's not how it works, I listen to sad songs cause I can relate to them, it's not the music or headphones it's the shitty people at school and my messed up family