Born in Kent, Judge Dread was the first White British recording artist to get a reggae hit in Jamaica. He got his stage name from a Prince Buster song, and his first hits were inspired by Prince Buster's single, "Big Five".
The Guinness Book of World Records credits Judge Dread for having the most banned songs of all time. Many of his lyrics have sexual connotations, with one song "Big Five" using rhyme to suggest lewd words while not actually saying them. A series of songs with "Big" followed by a number were some of his most notable hits — all of them featuring sexual and humorous lyrics. It is unlikely that you will ever hear his music on mainstream radio because of the nature of his lyrics.
Judge Dread died on stage in The Penny Theatre, Canterbury. At first, his collapse was thought to be part of his humorous and lively stage act, but it was quickly discovered that he was really dead.
In the 1970s, tabloid newspapers expressed concerns that young fans of the comic character Judge Dredd might buy Judge Dread's records by mistake, and hear things that may corrupt their minds.
Big Five
Judge Dread Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Waving and shaking his big hairy...
Fist at the ladies next door in The Ritz,
Who taught all the children to play with their...
Ice-creams and marbles and all things galore,
Along comes a lady who looks like a...
Decent young woman, who walks like a duck,
She said she’s invented a new way to...
Bring up the children, to sew and to knit,
The boys in the stable are shovelling...
Litter and paper, from yesterday’s hunt,
And old dirty Dread is having some...
Cake in the parlour, and singing this song,
If you think it’s dirty, you’re bloody well wrong!
(Instrumental)
Susan was a nice girl, with plenty of class,
Who turned the boys’ heads when she wiggled her...
Eyes at the young boys, as girls sometimes do,
To make it quite plain she was ready to...
Go for a walk, or a stroll in the grass,
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of...
Chicken and ice-cream, and lots of roast duck,
And after this meal, she was ready to...
Go for a walk, or a stroll on the dock,
With any young boy with a sizeable...
Roll of big bills, and a pretty good front,
And if he talked softly, she’d show him her...
Little pet dog, who is subject to fits,
And maybe let him grab a hold of her...
Little white hand, with a moment so quick,
That she would lean over and tickle his...
Chin, while she showed what she once learned in France,
And ask the poor chap to take up his under...
Pants, while she sang of the wild Kneesdon shore,
Oh, whatever she was,
(Spoken)
She wasn’t a bad girl really, this Susan. I’ve had better, but mind you, she wasn’t THAT bad.
The lyrics to Judge Dread’s song “Big Five” are intentionally nonsensical and filled with innuendo. The song tells a story of different characters in a humorous, raunchy manner. The first verse introduces an old sailor who is shaking his fist at women in the Ritz hotel next door. The second verse introduces a woman named Susan who is described as being ready to go for a walk, eat chicken and ice cream, and do other things with any young boy who has a “sizeable roll of big bills”. The lyrics are filled with sexual references, with lines such as “she’d show him her little pet dog” and “ask the poor chap to take up his underpants”. However, the song ends with a spoken line that suggests Susan isn’t really that bad.
Overall, the song is an example of the type of risqué humor that was common in British music in the 1970s. Some listeners may find the lyrics offensive or inappropriate, while others may see them as a product of their time and appreciate the song’s cheeky, playful tone.
Line by Line Meaning
There was an old sailor, who sat on a rock,
An elderly sailor was sitting on a rock.
Waving and shaking his big hairy...
He was waving and shaking his big hairy fist.
Fist at the ladies next door in The Ritz,
He was waving and shaking his big hairy fist at the ladies at The Ritz hotel next door.
Who taught all the children to play with their...
Those ladies were teaching all the children to play with their ice-creams, marbles, and other toys.
Ice-creams and marbles and all things galore,
Those toys included ice-creams, marbles, and other things.
Along comes a lady who looks like a...
Then came a woman who looked like a decent young lady.
Decent young woman, who walks like a duck,
This woman walked like a duck.
She said she’s invented a new way to...
She claimed that she had invented a new way to bring up children.
Bring up the children, to sew and to knit,
Her new way to bring up children involved teaching them to sew and knit.
The boys in the stable are shovelling...
Meanwhile, the boys in the stable were shoveling litter and paper from yesterday’s hunt.
Litter and paper, from yesterday’s hunt,
They were cleaning up after yesterday's hunt.
And old dirty Dread is having some...
Judge Dread is having some cake in the parlour.
Cake in the parlour, and singing this song,
He was singing a song while eating cake in the parlour.
If you think it’s dirty, you’re bloody well wrong!
If you think the song is dirty, you're mistaken!
(Instrumental)
Instrumental break
Susan was a nice girl, with plenty of class,
The song now introduces Susan, a nice girl with plenty of class.
Who turned the boys’ heads when she wiggled her...
Susan made boys go crazy when she wiggled her eyes at them.
Eyes at the young boys, as girls sometimes do,
Girls sometimes do that to get attention from boys they like.
To make it quite plain she was ready to...
Susan did that to show she was ready to do things with the boys.
Go for a walk, or a stroll in the grass,
She was ready to go outside, maybe for a walk or a stroll in the grass.
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of...
After that, she would hurry back home for a nice piece of chicken, ice-cream or lots of roast duck.
Chicken and ice-cream, and lots of roast duck,
Those are some things Susan liked to eat.
And after this meal, she was ready to...
After eating, she was ready to do more things.
Go for a walk, or a stroll on the dock,
She was ready to go out for another walk, this time on the dock maybe.
With any young boy with a sizeable...
If any young boy with money showed up, she would go with him.
Roll of big bills, and a pretty good front,
She liked young boys who had a lot of money and were attractive.
And if he talked softly, she’d show him her...
If the boy talked softly to her, she would show him her little pet dog.
Little pet dog, who is subject to fits,
Her pet dog sometimes had sudden attacks of illness.
And maybe let him grab a hold of her...
She might let him hold her white hand.
Little white hand, with a moment so quick,
Her hand was so quick and fleeting to catch.
That she would lean over and tickle his...
Susan might lean over and tickle the boy's chin.
Chin, while she showed what she once learned in France,
While tickling him, she'd talk about what she learned in France.
And ask the poor chap to take up his under...
She might even naughtily ask the young boy to take off his underwear!
Pants, while she sang of the wild Kneesdon shore,
At the same time, she might sing about the wild Kneesdon shore.
Oh, whatever she was,
She could be doing all sorts of naughty things, but...
(Spoken)
The song ends with Judge Dread commenting about Susan.
She wasn’t a bad girl really, this Susan. I’ve had better, but mind you, she wasn’t THAT bad.
Judge Dread admits that Susan was not a bad girl, but also that he's seen better. Nonetheless, she wasn't THAT bad.
Contributed by Harper Y. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@marigold7198
He used to come round my grandparents when I was young. He was so funny and he used to sing to me. I must have been 5. Happy memories. Never a dull moment when he walked through the door
@1fluffypuss
I hope the songs were "Age appropriate".....LOL ;-O
@dave710
Brilliant!
From a time when the world was sane ...... ironically!
@francoisdupuis4510
dread's masterpiece!!!
@erikluna4130
Genius. No one like the Judge!
@fortruthnoterror7796
Bruh. The songs my grandad use to make me listen too, and only now i realise the motivation behind Judge dreads songs 😂
@SUEBRDSHW
so funny to hear Mrs Brown singing this
@victor6011
i knew the dread many years ago ,he was a great guy and lived quite near to me, R.I.P. m8
@wild_childofthe80s
The lad's a damn genius 👍🏻
@dominewimbury9644
Looool can't stop laughing! Bet this had Mary Whitehorse fuming then haha