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The Winkle Man
by Judge Dread

"I'll tell you a story about a geezer called the Winkle Man, a right dirty sod!

The Winkle Man comes down the street
And serves all the ladys
What do you know, nine months on,
They've all got cramps and babys

"The funny thing about, he was right little shrimp!"

He used to sell them cellary
And according to the dirty talk
He asked them what they liked best:
The knob end, or the stalk!

"No wonder why a woman used to come in here with a smile on her face, I'll smash his face in!"

He'd go down to his local pub
For a pint and a packet of Brisk's
The barmaid's got a 48
And he always grabs her tits, like coconuts!

A girl he had was a noisy bird
She used to scream and moan
She shouted 'help!' He said 'you silly cow,
I can manage on me own'

"What, do you want to bring the neighbors in then? Oh what do you want, a gang bang then?"

She said 'I was a virgin,
Now I've been dumped twice in a day'
He said 'Twice?, But it's only once'
She said 'right, you gonna dash away?'

"Allright, be gentle with me, it's only my second time . . . today"

When he was young and in his prime
He'd have a woman any old time
Now he's old and getting gray
He seems to, like the, other way!

"Well I suppose there's no harm in him being a shirt-lifter, it just means there's more birds for all the fellows in the pub!"

[Winkle Man]: "Winkle, Winkle!"
[Judge Dread]: "Oh christ, here he comes again! Gay boys in bondage. Do you want a drink?"
[W. M.]: "Yes please sailor"
[J. D.]: "Who are you calling sailor? I'll smash you in the gut!"
[W. M.]: "Up your's, butch!"
[J. D.]: "I'll give you up your's! You, bum burgler! Take that!
[smacking sounds]

Contributed by Camden Y. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
To comment on specific lyrics, highlight them
Comments from YouTube:

Cruise Control

no worries I'm glad you enjoyed it, yes his passing was a great loss to us all and shame the big man never lived to see the new century in but his music will always live on :)


Personally in retrospect I'm glad that his death lived up to the legend of his life. It's a story that will be told for decades, and I think based on his humour he couldn't have imagined a better way to go (other than heart attack in bed with a half dozen women).

willy androbby

Well I never knew he had died. More than 20 years ago. I think he used to live in Snodland? And did discos in Woolwich in the 80s. Oldest brother bought Bedtime Stories LP when it came out "Oh come on, this is 1975". Funny chap.


Such a legend


This is not the original version. the original version wasn't double tracked vocal ! (I was the recording engineer, Rick Norton T.M.C studios)

Cruise Control

No you're good man, I'm glad to receive a comment from someone who worked with the legend that is Judge Dread. It was me who got the wrong title so I'm glad to have it corrected, think I got it off some other website


Yeh Sorry Cruise Control I didn't mean you any harm xx

Cruise Control

Sorry my bad, title changed. Thanks


Utterly hideous homophobia, glad times have moved on and he's not part of it!


You can't take any jokes, right?

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