Baker's stark and soulful music is said to evoke names like Bon Iver, Daughter, and Natalie Prass. Her first album, Sprained Ankle, was released in 2015, followed by the 2017 release of Turn Out The Lights. Her third album, Little Oblivions, was released in 2021.
Baker honed her music skills while playing in her high school band, Forrister, with whom she continued to perform while attending college. After writing a batch of songs that didn't seem to fit the group's more rock-oriented vibe, Baker headed to Matthew E. White's Spacebomb Studios in Richmond, Virginia to begin recording what would eventually become her solo debut, 2015's Sprained Ankle. Originally released by Smith 7 in 2014, it was reissued by 6131 Records in 2015, it reached number 23 on the Billboard Heatseekers Albums chart and led to an invitation to join the Matador Records roster. With a more expansive sound and equally intimate lyrics, the self-produced follow-up, 2017's Turn Out the Lights, was recorded at Ardent Studios in Memphis. It landed on the Billboard 200, peaking at number 78.
She then joined fellow indie singer/songwriters Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus in the trio Boygenius. Together they issued their eponymous EP in late 2018, also on Matador. Bridgers and Dacus appear on the track, "Favor," from Baker's third solo set, 2021's Little Oblivions that was self-produced and recorded in Memphis.
In 2023, boygenius announced their reformation and their upcoming debut album, ‘the record,’ which Baker and the band wrote and co-produced.
Appointments
Julien Baker Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I won't stop you from leaving
I know that I'm not what you wanted
Am I?
Wanted someone who I used to be like
Now you think I'm not trying
I don't argue, it's not worth the effort to lie
You don't want to bring it up
You don't have to remind me so much
How I disappoint you
Suggest that I talk to somebody again
That knows how to help me get better
And till then I should just try not to miss any more
Appointments
I think if I ruin this
That I know I can live with it
Nothing turns out like I pictured it
Maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvases
I think if I fail again
That I know you're still listening
Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright
And I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is
I have to believe that it is
I have to believe that it is
(I have to believe it, I have to believe it)
I have to believe that it is
(Probably not, but I have to believe that it is)
And when I tell you that it is
Oh, it's not for my benefit
Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright
Oh, I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is
Julien Baker's "Appointments" is a haunting and deeply emotional song that explores themes of self-doubt, anxiety, and the struggle to convince oneself that everything will turn out alright in the end. The opening lyrics set the scene for intense introspection as Baker declares that she is "staying in tonight" and won't stop her partner from leaving, acknowledging that she is not what they wanted. The chorus follows the path of self-blame, with Baker wanting to be someone she used to be like or trying harder to please her partner. The lyrics reveal that the relationship is strained and she feels like she is continuously disappointing her partner.
Towards the end of the song, we hear Baker's desire to believe that everything will turn out well. She acknowledges that the emptiness she feels inside might be necessary for something else to take its place, and that the only way to move through it is to believe that everything will eventually turn out alright. The final few lyrics reveal that she tells her partner that everything will turn out alright, even though she knows deep down it's not true, perhaps to comfort herself by pretending that everything will be better in the future.
Overall, "Appointments" is a powerful and raw look at the struggle to deal with one's inner demons and how it affects intimate relationships. Through Baker's poignant lyrics, we are reminded that self-doubt and anxiety are universal struggles and that it's okay to feel empty sometimes. The song encourages us to hold onto hope and reminds us that there is always something to look forward to.
Line by Line Meaning
I'm staying in tonight
I'm not going out tonight
I won't stop you from leaving
I won't stop you if you want to leave me
I know that I'm not what you wanted
I know I'm not what you wished for
Am I?
Am I really not what you wanted?
Wanted someone who I used to be like
You wanted someone I was before
Now you think I'm not trying
You think I'm not putting any effort into this
I don't argue, it's not worth the effort to lie
I don't argue because it's not worth lying
You don't want to bring it up
You don't want to talk about it
And I already know how it looks
I already know how it appears to you
You don't have to remind me so much
You don't have to keep reminding me
How I disappoint you
How I let you down
Suggest that I talk to somebody again
You suggest I talk to someone else again
That knows how to help me get better
Someone who knows how to help me improve
And till then I should just try not to miss any more
Until then, I should try not to miss any more appointments
Appointments
Scheduled visits with a professional
I think if I ruin this
I think if I mess this up
That I know I can live with it
I know I can deal with the consequences
Nothing turns out like I pictured it
Nothing happens the way I imagine it
Maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvases
Perhaps feeling empty is just a lesson on how to paint on a blank canvas
I think if I fail again
I think if I fail once more
That I know you're still listening
I know you're still paying attention
Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright
Maybe everything will end up being fine
And I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is
I know it's not, but I still have to believe that everything will be alright
I have to believe that it is
I must believe that everything will be alright
(I have to believe it, I have to believe it)
(I have to trust it, I have to trust it)
Probably not, but I have to believe that it is
Most likely it won't be, but I still have to believe that everything will be alright
And when I tell you that it is
And when I say that everything will be alright
Oh, it's not for my benefit
Oh, it's not for my own sake
Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright
Maybe everything will end up being fine
Oh, I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is
I know it won't, but I still have to believe that everything will be alright
Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Julien Rose Baker
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Ani Abraham
[Verse 1]
I'm staying in tonight
I won't stop you from leaving
I know that I'm not what you wanted
Am I?
Wanted someone who I used to be like
Now you think I'm not trying
I don't argue, it's not worth the effort to lie
You don't want to bring it up
And I already know how it looks
You don't have to remind me so much
How I disappoint you
Suggest that I talk to somebody again
That knows how to help me get better
And 'til then I should just try not to miss any more
Appointments
[Verse 2]
I think if I ruin this
That I know I can live with it
Nothing turns out like I pictured it
Maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvases
I think if I fail again
That I know you're still listening
Maybe it's all gonna turn out all right
And I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is
[Bridge]
I have to believe that it is
I have to believe that it is
(I have to believe it, I have to believe it)
I have to believe that it is
(Probably not, but I have to believe that it is)
[Chorus]
And when I tell you that it is
Oh, it's not for my benefit
Maybe it's all gonna turn out all right
Oh, I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is
Sing King
Been rinsing the repeat button on the Audiotree version of Go Home lately, so happy to come across this too!
Such an emotive voice. GOOSEBUMPS for that ending
Bing O
I friend of mine shared this video a few moments ago. I'm completely floored by your talent.
Also, the breath left my body when I realized at the beginning of the video was filmed in my very own house. We recently left it to move to New Hampshire, and as you know, we rent it out on Airbnb.
What you may not know, is that your video touched me so deeply. I'm a dancer. I've danced my whole life, and I owned a dance studio while I lived in that house. I miss my dance studio every day, and I miss my home there too. So to see someone bring art to life in those walls again, you have no idea what that did for me. Thank you.
That Home has seen immense grief, and incredible joy. My little girl was born there, the room we filmed in was where she spent her first hours of life. Both of my children took their first steps on those floors. I have choreographed many many dances in those rooms.
My students became my family, and they have spent countless hours rolling around on those floors, and every room has seen a while dance party or two (hundred).
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing, and keep on creating. You never know when your art will save someone, even yourself, when it's needed the most.-Bing Osterman
Bing Osterman
Also sorry for all of the typos! I was shaking as I was typing!
Just Browsingtheweb
Cool story bro
LiveToRide
FLCL thankyou. That is exactly what I was thinking
LiveToRide
Ok.
11SecondEclipse
Is this a true story??
Edsel Santoni
Being LGBT raised religious myself, a lot of Julien’s music appeals to me directly. I relate to her mental anguish as you question your faith and everything around you that you love. Her music is not only a powerful voice for those that don’t have one, it’s powerfully lyrical and her voice is phenomenal. I hope forward to more music from her.
FATHER
I mean this is just good music in general. Anyone can relate to this lol
Katie Skī Vlog
I’m with you there, Edsel.