Karl Pilkington (born September 16, 1972 in Manchester, England) is a non-f… Read Full Bio ↴Karl Pilkington (born September 16, 1972 in Manchester, England) is a non-fictional English radio producer previously best known for producing The Ricky Gervais Show on the radio station Xfm. After leaving Xfm, Pilkington has reached an international audience through his appearances with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant on The Ricky Gervais Show podcast.

Gervais has repeatedly denied suggestions that Pilkington is an invented character, claiming that Karl's unique qualities are beyond his powers of imagination. Pilkington's remark "I could eat a knob at night" made during a conversation about the 'bush tucker trials' in I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! has spawned much internet interest, as well as merchandise and music. His comic style depends on a completely deadpan delivery coupled with an apparent inability to recognise the idiocy of his world view.

Most famously known for having a head like a f**king orange.

TRACKS

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Monkey News Part 1
Karl Pilkington Lyrics

No lyrics text found for this track.

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

Most interesting comments from YouTube:

Joe Ans

3y↑190

To save you some time:

23:04 - The Bank Robbery
56:55 - The Spa
1:10:30 - The London to Brighton Bike Ride
1:36:54 - Kirsty Morris
1:53:15 - The Bassist
2:26:01 - The Russian TV Show
2:36:50 - The New York Fire Department
2:55:38 - The Jockey

Ermerk

2y↑8

00:56:54 Monkey Spa Buisness
01:01:00 Monkeys in The Army
01:03:00 Monkey Prison
01:10:31 Monkey Cyclist
01:15:08 space monkey
01:41:51 Monkey Cops and Monkey Father Son Fight
01:45:15 Monkey Porn Cinematographer
01:48:38 Monkey Chef
01:51:46 Monkey smoking fags and Driking Wine
01:53:14 Monkey Base Player
01:55:04 Theres this Card Game Going on
01:56:32 Christmas Feel
01:59:13 Monkey Escapes New York Prison
02:02:45 Space Monkey
02:08:24 Please Listen to the News Rick
02:20:20 Cheep as Chimps 1
02:23:22 Cheep as Chimps 2
02:26:02 Chimp Chat Show Host (Thanks John)
02:30:32 Chimp Tries it on With the Zookeepers Wife
02:50:21 Monkey Pilot
02:55:39 Monkey Gangster

The Pontiac Bandit

3y↑1

@Mc Tommo Darlo I’m still convinced that was the real deal.

I think Neil Fox thought they genuinely wanted feedback and that his was the opinion that they respected, as a radio presenter.

Obviously they knew the show was a shambles and didn’t give a shit what anyone thought…least of all Neil bloody Fox.

I think Ricky was just annoyed that the winners of the Sony awards were basically all the same, anodyne nonsense.

If Karl had submitted the ‘Old Mother Hubbard’ episode, I think we would have had a very different result.

All comments from YouTube:

ENIGMATIC OCTOPI

4y↑236

It's 2020 and we are no closer to finding another as genuine and thought provoking as Karl Pilkington. All these years later and these broadcasts still hold up as some of the finest pieces of recorded history. I have yet to find another like mind as KPs. Id rather be a blind moth....& so would I Karl, so would I. Genius on another level. Brilliant.

mmhmm

@Andy J S what are your thoughts on Parmenides? I don't necessarily think he was wrong, but I find his reasoning to be quite linguistically confused.

Andy J S

2y↑1

Lol Karl is hilarious but the finest pieces of recorded history is more than a little dramatic to say the least. So we'll put Pythagoras, Plato and Parmenides contribution to the understanding of natura naturans, what nature does as insignificantly less important. Hahaha

Rhys Lindsay

2y↑4

Not even a bronze

Colin Smith

3y↑2

So very true- in America as well!

Carl Maycock

4y↑4

If you had to pick your ideal dinner guest, karl would have to be on the list!

3 More Replies...

MJ Dalicandro

2y↑155

Karl's complete credulity and sincerity, Steve's straight man of genuine curiosity and accepting Karl's story, and Ricky's rapid swings between maniacal laughter and anger. The perfect combination yet to be recreated.

rusheil francis

5y↑832

Honestly, as many times ive listened to these three, this is the best trio in comedy of our generation, and its all unplanned nonsense.

James Draper

@Charlie Savill momomomomomoomomomomommommomomompomomomomomomompoommmomoooomooomomomomomomomomomomoomomomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomomommommmommommmommomomkmompppompoompomomomomomomomomomomomomomommommomoooooomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommomkmommppomomomommommmmmmmomomommommmommmoomomomomomomomomomomomomomokommmmomomomomomomooomomoooommmomoomomompomomommommommmmkmmmmmommommomomomomommmomomommomomompommomommomommomompomomompompppomomomomomomomomomommomommomomomomomomoooooomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommomommomomomomommomomomomomommmmomomomomommmmomomomomomomommmmpomomomompmomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommmomomomomoooomomoomomomomomomomomomomommomommmomompommomomommomommmmommomomomomomomomommommommomomomommmmomomommomppmmomomomomomompomomommomommmmmmmmomomommmommommopkmommomomomomommomomomomommomomomomomomommmpkmommomommommmmomommomommmmomomomomomomomomomomomomommomomommomommmmomommmmommomomommomompomompmommmmommommmmmommmomomomomomomomomomommmmomomomomomomommomompompommomomommomommommmommomomomomomomomomompmomomommomomomomomommmmommmomommomomomommmmomomommomomomomomomompomommmomomomomommomomompompomomomomomomomomomommomommommmmmomomomomomomomomomomommomommommommpmmmommomomommommomomommmmomommmmomomomomomomommomomommmomomomomomomomomommommomomomomomomommomomomomomomomomomomomomommomommommommomomomomomomomomommmommommomommomomomomomomommommmmmomommmomommmmommomomomomomompmmmmomomomomommommommomommomomomomomomomomomompppomomomomommomomomomompommmommmmomomomomommomomomommomommomompomomomomommomomomomomommmmomomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomommomommomomomommmmmommommomomomomomomommomompmmppmommommomomomommompommmomommomommommmmomommomomomommmmomomomomommomomomomomommommommmommmmomommomomomommomomomomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommmmpmommmommmommmmomomomomomomomomomomomommomomommomomomomomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommmommomomomompompomomommpmmmmmmmmmommommomomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomomommmmmmmommomommmmmommomomomomomomomomommomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomomomomommompommmommmommmommmmpommmmmommommmommommomommomommmmmommomommommmmmommomommomomommmommomomommmommmmmmmomomommomomommommommomomomomomomomommomomomomomomomommmmomommomommommmmompommomommmmmommomommmmmommomomommmmmommomomomommommomomomomomomomommommommmomommmmmommommommomomomomomomomommomomomomomomomommommomomommommomomomommommomomomommomommmomommomomomomomomomomommomomommomomomommomomomomomommommmmomommommmomomomomomomommmmomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomommomommmommmmmmmmomommmmomomommomommomomomomommmmmomomomomommomomomommmomommmomommmmommmmomomomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomommomommmmmomomommommmmmommmommommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommommomomomommomomommmommmommmmmommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomomomommmmommmmmommmomommomommomomomomomommmomomomomommomommomomomomomommomommommommommmommmommomomomomomomomomommomommomomomomomommommomomomomomomomommomommommmmmmmmmommmomomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommmmomommmomomomommmmommmmmommomomomomomommomommomomomomommmmmmmmommommmommmmmommmmmomomomommmomomomomommomommomomomomomommomommmmmmommomommommomomommommomomomomomomomomomomomomommommommmmmomomommmomomommmmommmommmommmmomomomomomomomomomomomommomomomomomomomommomomommmommomommommmomommomommomommomomomomomommommmmomomomomomommmmomomommmomomommomommmommmommmmmomomomomomomomomomomomommomomomomommommmmmmmommmomommmomommmmomomomomomommommomomomomomomomomomomomommommmmommmommommmommmomommmomommommommmmomomomomomomommommmomomomommommmmomomommommommomommmommmmmommmomommmmommommomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommommommmmmpmmomommommmommommommmmommomommmommmmmmmomomompomommmommmomommommommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommmmomomomomomomommomomommomomomomomommmmmmmommmommmomommmmmmommommmomommmommomommommomommmmmommmomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommomomomommommmmommomommmomomomommmomomommommommmmmmommmommomomomommomomomomomomommomomomomomommomommmmomomomommmmmmmomommmmmmmomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommmmmmmmommommommommmommmommomommomomomommmmomomomomomommommommomommommomomommmommmommommommmmmomomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommomomommomommommommommommmommmommmmmmommmommmmpmommommomomomomommmmomomommomomomomomommommmmomomomomomomommmomomomomomomomommomomomomomommommomomomomomomomomomomomommmomomommmomomomommomomomommpmomommmmommmommmommmmommmmmomommmommommmmmmomomomomomommommmomommommmmmmmommommmomommomomomomomomomomomomomommmommommomommmommommommmmommommmmmmommmmomommommommommomomomomommommommomommomommommmmommpmomomommmommommomomommomommommomomomommmmomomomommomomomomomomomomomompmmomomomomommomomommmmmomommommomomomommmommmmommmomomomommmmmmmmommmmmomomomomommommomommomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomommomommmmomomomomomommommommmmommmommmmmmmomomomomomomommommmmmomomommomommmommomomomommmmommmomommmmomomomomomomomomommomomomomomommomomommommomomomomommmmomomomomomommomomomommmmomomomomomommomomommommmmmmmomomommmomomommmmmomm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mmm mmmmmomomkommmmmmmmmmmomommmmomommmmmommmmmmmmmomomommmmmmommommommmmmmmmmommmmommommmmomommmmmmmmmmmmomommmommommmmmmmmmommmommmmmomomommmommmommmommmommomommmmmmmmmmmommmommmmmmommmmommmmmmmmommommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmommmmmmommmomommmommmommokommmommmmmmmomokommmmmmmmmommmommmmmmmmmommmmommmmmmommommmomm mmm mmomkmmmmmmmmmmommmommmmmmmomkkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmommmmommomkmommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmommmommkommommmommmommmommmmmmmmmmmmommommmommommmommmommmmmomommmommmmmmommkommmommmmommkommkokommkommkommkommmmmmommkommmommmmmkomommommmmmkommmommmmmmomommmmmmomommmommmommkommmommmommkmmkommmmmkommmommmommmomomomkkmmkommkommkmommmommmmommmommmommkommmommommmmmmmmmomkommmommkommmommkommmommkommkokmmmmmommmommmommmmmkommmommmokmmommomkkommmommmmmmommmomkkommkommmmmmmmkommmommmmmmmmommmmkmmmmommkommmmmkmmommmommmomommkommmommmommmommkommomommmommommmommmommmommkomkomokmmokmmommkommkommmommkommkommmmkommmommmommmommkommkommkommkokmokmmommmmmmommmommmommmommmommkommmommmommkomommmommmommmommkommmommmommommkommkommkokommk

max frasier

@HJJ The reactions to the stories are off the cuff so it is unplanned.

Dan Quayles ITS SPELT POTATOE!

Karl is brilliant he comes up with with all his own stuff!

29 More Replies...

Duncan Edwards

2y↑131

Steve actually keeps this together. He's the only one who tells Ricky to shut up. He wants to hear the stories and gets angry when it's interrupted. It kind of reminds me of 3 lads in a boozer on a Saturday night.

David Gaffe

Not at all. I listen to these at the pubs I perform at in-between sets/ciggies. Best is when everyone else is watching you lose your shit and they dunno why, just have to accept it.

PRO PAINT AND DEC SWINDON

yawn

AstroPictures

2y↑6

@Flicks don’t worry I feel you, I do that as well. Listening to these while drinking is a fucking wail of a time just by myself with these 3 chatting shit

Flicks

2y↑7

i do have friends im just ridiculously depressed

Flicks

2y↑10

Is it pathetic if sometimes I drink while listening to these alone because it feels like im with 3 lads in a boozer

Joe Ans

3y↑190

Dude

"Something was said"

Adam Simpson

God's work this.

Chris Holloway

2y↑3

@EKO Same mate, love there is a few like-minded people that are tickled every time by the same words.. just put some stuff in the middle!!

EKO

2y↑7

@Chris Holloway “you know what builders are like, they just go from building to building, just building..”
“So what did he say unto him?”
“Do you need anything building?”

I actually die each & every time😂

Chris Holloway

2y↑1

builder one is a classic, first one i heard!!

7 More Replies...

MR.

4y↑342

The funny thing about Karl’s monkey news is that a lot of them are true but he usually mixes the story up and makes up the details as he goes along.

Seth Iddings

@robert smith The best ones are always a bit off

Matt

1y↑1

@grammartrot man moth?

grammartrot

1y↑1

@Matt Exactly! Also forgetting Pilky's Makin Music and KP Plumbing. Smh

Matt

@Are Dub erm scuse me, he also worked on a very successful paper round and at cordon bleu

31 More Replies...

DrunkTalkin

3y↑115

43:35 gets me every. Single. Time. ‘Eyes that pop out their head…… Steve.’ Just creases me up every time I hear it 😂

TheWoody3mental

Right, yea, go on.

DirtyDozen66

Eyes bulging with imagined riches

Bob Bobsen

2y↑1

@DrunkTalkin 😂

DrunkTalkin

2y↑1

@Elephant 😂

DrunkTalkin

2y↑1

@Elephant Yes! 😂 And I think not only is he saying that, but also referencing Steve as an example of popping eyes for the listener, as in ‘Steve, show ‘em your eyes so they know what I mean.’ Double whammy from Mr Dilkington

Schopenhauer Ass Plower

5y↑255

I love how in the later editions all Karl has to do is set the scene and Ricky either starts laughing or gets angry because he knows what’s coming next

“There was this game of cards going on”

Eradicus

Amazing name

robert smith

3y↑1

As you said Rick. He is ESN .

Jack B

2y↑35

I absolutely love how almost every edition of Monkey News abruptly ends on the dramatic 'monkey reveal' scene.

Gabe GR

2y↑1

Good that innit

1 More Replies...

A I

4y↑209

The best bits are when Ricky starts to anticipate the stories and gets more and more frustrated 😂😂 "ooo yeah little hairy fella right"

DirtyDozen66

Not with one plane…

givethatwolfabanana 🍌

2y↑2

arms longer than his legs?

Mark 497

3y↑12

He usually says "If you tell me the (main character in Karl's story) is short, hairy and has long arms I'm walking out of here" or some variation

Jack Grover

4y↑33

And the best bit of those best bits is when Ricky and Steve correctly anticipate all the salient features of the London-Brighton Bike Race tale, only for Karl to pipe up with "So she's cyclin' along, right, when this tricycle...[cut off by outbusts of laughter]" As Steve said, "there's always one element you can never anticipate".

1 More Replies...

Liam Arun Bennett

4y↑273

"SHUT UP GERVAIS!!!" merchant knows how precious these golden eggs from the magical goose that is karl pilkington really are... just amazingly hilarious

Craig Warner

6y↑945

I love that Karl thinks animal rights are you have to let them do everything humans do including entering bike races and opening businesses

Krystian Kowalski

Makes sense doesn’t it?

Duncan Edwards

@O B T U S E lol 😆

Dan Quayles ITS SPELT POTATOE!

@DangerDan Yes these days you do! About as difficult as registering a boat?

DangerDan

2y↑1

@Dan Quayles ITS SPELT POTATOE! I looked it up and you do need a permit to own a tiger in Texas. You can't just legally buy a tiger and take it home and put it in your backyard or something like that.

24 More Replies...

T G

3y↑37

I love hearing Karl finally crack up and laughing his head off at 1:18:52 onwards. Brilliant stuff, Hilarious! Well done Yak for editing all these compilations together. Cheers.

raniketki

2y↑1

100 monkey phenomenon is actually true; source needed; really love this compilation listening for the umpteenth time ,still funny 😂

Tracks reMastered

2y↑24

'Eyes that pop out their head.... Steve' has got to be one of the funniest things Karl has ever said.

Antony Simpson

1y↑69

The story of the monkey called 86 that stole a car and drove to Spain had me literally crying with laughter, especially when Karl's explanation of how he drove the car was "it was an automatic".

Eradicus

I'll never forget that line. Think it's my favourite of all the radio content

cango

He was called 86, but his real name was Boris.

Seth Iddings

Holy shit that's funny as fuck XD Love how They always try to prove His story wrong with logic like He didn't just make it up.

1 More Replies...

freethis222

1y↑16

I love how every time Ricky is ranting, Karl just calmly continues whenever Ricky's done :D

Seth Iddings

Just completely ignores Him XD

Roberto Lorenzo

"so, anyway"

Half Day Of The Jackal

1y↑1

The most underrated part, his unflappable delivery makes it

Perriola

1y↑1

Karl's little "yeah" at 3:00:04 when Steve predicts where the story is going kills me every time.

Rick Oneill

6y↑125

I can always rely on the XFM shows (especially) and the podcasts to cheer me up no matter what, for that I’ll always be grateful!

AJ

3y↑4

SO TRUE

Colin Smith

3y↑2

So so true

Ermerk

2y↑8

K Dilkington

5y↑53

Karl finally laughing for the first time after well over an hour's worth of recordings telling monkey related stories is a beautiful thing.

Yak'n Off

4y↑11

Karl is a deadpan genius....

Daniel Furler

2y↑18

I love this trio and the formula of Monkey News.
Ricky's 'Ohh Chimpanzee that, Monkey news' introduction which Steve just loves.
Karl tells each story with enthusiasm, Ricky interjects to try and introduce logic to the equation with Steve shutting down Ricky so Karl can finish his story....magic radio.

shokuwarrior

4y↑35

52:10 will never not have me rolling on my back like a dying fly from laughing so much

MrNcarey88

2y↑2

Had to thump it in the head

wayne morris

3y↑45

I wish Karl would make a paranormal investigation series.

Jimmy Rustler

@Morfarson 8 One of my favourite bits 🤣

A A

2y↑2

There's no explanation... Weird init?

Paul Cunnane

Brilliant idea!

Morfarson 8

3y↑15

He did explore that scary inn his mate worked at, where he found that pile of flies with a condom stuck on top.

Slik Rick

5y↑23

I come back and listen to these every few months and it’s always absolutely hilarious.

Chris Holloway

Same, I try and leave it longer but can't.. just knocking about aren't they!

SR-009s

4y↑43

“And he got the keys to the city”

This part absolutely killed me

arekks

"PC Willcox of the NYPD"

A A

2y↑8

More monkey news next week?

mogmuff

6y↑209

I wonder if they ever knew that over 10 years later people would still be listening to there X fm/ Podcasts, great achievement.

Jeremy C

@Mc Tommo Darlo *tin

xarmy

it has more listeners now than it did from the listener ship back then, just like the office was slated at first by critics but then they realise the genius.

The Pontiac Bandit

@TheMattmatic You’ve got a point there, my friend!

TheMattmatic

3y↑1

@The Pontiac Bandit To be fair, Karl gets annoyed by absolutely everything. Living your life in a way that would not annoy Karl Pilkington would be impossible.

The Pontiac Bandit

3y↑1

10 More Replies...

Walder Frey

6y↑55

Honestly my favourite video on the internet ever, watched this about 9 times now.

Manager

3y↑20

I love when Ricky laughs 😂 especially the "I'm gonna die" line 😂

DangerDan

2y↑1

I know, people complain about him but I think it makes it funnier when he gets annoyed (most of the time) lol.

the virus

3y↑44

Steve Merchant is actually the one who keeps this together and running.

DangerDan

They all play off each other well.

YanRagauld

Truth.

Alan Southall

3y↑11

So underated in these

S-T-E-V-E

1y↑11

The basis to 9/10 of these story's relies on Karl's belief that Monkey's can easily pass for Humans! 😂

sam lasley

1y↑9

I genuinely think Monkey News became revenge on Ricky and Steve for all their teasing of Karl and times he got his head squoze. He damn well knew how much he wound up Ricky with the feature and used it to his advantage; kudos to Karl

Lorna Brand

1y↑1

Absolutely love the way Karl describes his stories and the way Steve tries to mediate the two of them funny

Matthew Hendy

4y↑15

I have listened to this more times than I can remember. I never get bored. Cracks me up every time.

nate dogeee

4y↑12

It's 2019 and we all still listen to xfm to help us sleep 😊, I wish these 3 would return for one finale podcast.

Dan Cat

2022!! Fall asleep and wake up to…

Diamond Dooshy

2021 and im still listening to this to goto sleep to

liamdude5

5y↑12

Regarding the monkey nipple story, I think he's referring to Coco the Monkey. It turns out Coco was fascinated by nipples and wanted to see them. Workers were pressured by management to show their nipples, so three female workers filed lawsuits

Helen G

3y↑15

I love Steve's quiet laugh in the background 😂😂😂

Spinny

3y↑13

I laughed at the first line. Karl saying he's done a bit of research is like a blind kid describing the colour orange.

Simon

2y↑8

1:53:08 was gold. Steve proper laughed out loud, not his usual chuckle.

J D

1y↑1

Somethings said.

Deadschooled

3y↑15

Steve is always my favorite part of Monkey News!

Jappie O

4y↑12

Over three hours of comedy gold 😊

Nick Martinelli

5y↑27

We need to protect Karl at all costs.

S Z

1y↑3

Even after a decade Plus for me these will never get old Long Live karl Pilkington

Ismāʻīl Yahya

2y↑11

I wish they still did these, KP is a comedy legend

Baz Glsgw

1y↑1

Trying to smoke a bong while listening and i cant because i keep laughing too much. Karl's helping my weed last longer ✌(Thank fck Steve is v good at keeping Ricky from butting in and lets Karl finish)

VivalaryMan

2y↑4

It doesn't get any better than Yak when it comes to KP.
No ads, quality content, gets my respect EVERYTIME.

TheBadMoJoe

1y↑4

1:18:45 I’ve never heard Karl laugh so hard. He couldn’t even speak. Such a rare treat!

BLK MN

1y↑1

This is utter hysteria. I’m so blown away by Karl and his naivety, but the way Ricky explodes with anger and laughter can only lead me to the conclusion that these are genuine “stories” and Karl believes almost all of them and had to share the news.

Alan attack

5y↑17

Possibly the funniest thing in comedy history....priceless and perpetually hilarious....I'm 20 seconds in.....am gonna shit myself laughing.

MrMartena56

3y↑9

I love how 80% of Karl’s stories about chimps make sense if you just replace the chimps in his stories with people.

The Mighty Someone

4y↑37

21:39 ricky's reaction is everything i needed

The Mighty Someone

2y↑3

1:22:56 lol

james mouse

4y↑31

I generally don’t think anyone’s ever told Karl that monkeys can’t speak 😂

vast active

4y↑11

The funniest thing ever said by Karl never got a laugh and it makes me die every time “turn out it’s not cruel because they were mechanics” I assume Ricky didn’t laugh cause he was just looking at Karl pulling a funny face

YanRagauld

Ay there.. say , what time does that Karl comment occour please?

Tyrant O'Fynder

3y↑7

The best part of Monkey News is how angry Ric gets at it.... hilarious!!

William Smith

6y↑2

Karl is such a wonderful human being.

Nick Beane

6y↑43

16:12 the way Ricky says “oh Karl....KARL” gets me every time

chris evans

4y↑8

Not long got into these podcasts and can’t get enough of Karl genius 😂😂👍

Ængle

6y↑853

"Right. We're never doing this again."
2 and a half hours of the video remaining.

Busy Dad

2y↑4

“right that’s the end of Monkey News”

will

@2freetz ihh

Robert Nielsen - Scott

@Mass Confusion n

2freetz

3y↑16

@Mass Confusion "we're never ever doing this again,"
...
"Ok next up is rockbusters"

Mass Confusion

3y↑24

Flashbacks of Rockbusters

Mia Ross

5y↑5

I am literally laughing hysterically It is crazy, the monkey wants to leave the Zoo. It truly is mental. Love this. Live in Perth Western Australia,but from Bristol , just brilliant.😂😂😂

Mia Ross

5y↑2

Hi
I can honestly say that in 21 years I have never seen a Snake. Red back Spider not that many, you spray the outside around your windows & doors, it’s all fine 🤪 Flies well they are everywhere unless it’s Winter ha ha ha. So, really it’s been wonderful to live in such a gorgeous place,Beach is 5 minutes away Pool in the Garden etc etc Australia is a fab place to live 😀

A A

Why did you move to Australia? As Karl says, it's mental, everything there wants to kill you... Box jellyfish, funnel-web spiders, snakes, sharks etc!

Batman Fanatic

7y↑131

43:13...One of the best. I always die laughing when I listen, eyes popout....Steve....

cydonie miles

4y↑3

Well, I don’t think it ‘as... 😂😂

Joseph Chapman

5y↑1

Thank you

Jon Kas

6y↑4

Have you got a ruler?

Abs

7y↑15

Batman Fanatic
"What's 1.6...?"
"Drop your trousers!"
AHAHA XD

Tom 22

5y↑446

He says to the monkey "Fancy going to Spain?"

And the monkey says "Aye, g'on then"

Busy Dad

2y↑7

One of the best things about early Monkey News is Ricky persistently being outvoted and Steve taking Karl’s side.

Kev M

5y↑37

Karl true legend great listening before sleep!!

Dude

The best part is that in Karls mind, there's basically no difference between a human and a monkey.

Sarah Kavanagh

3y↑31

1:27.30 Karl: "instead of saying 'do you want to meet in a restaurant or a bar', they'd say 'what tree do you want to meet at?' "

Ricky: "You're nearly....you're ill"

💀😂😂😂

Joseph Wheatley

This exchange is forever my favourite xfm moment. Ricky sounds so aggrieved 😂

Sara D2

2y↑2

Not me realising only now after 20 years that Karl was totally right about Koko the Gorilla. She could sign, understand roughly 1000 human words and She was a photographer of sorts

tbirdtadhg

7y↑424

Nearly 200 minutes of absolute twaddle

Jordan Canning

Hey Ricky

fluorosco

1y↑1

Wash your month out míster...

Silvertortoise

🤣🤣🤣

Jack Miller 2

1y↑1

Play it again!

10 More Replies...

goldfang15

7y↑166

i love how ricky cannot comprehend it and loses his marbles

moorsidefc

3y↑3

@BFKC tit

Roman

4y↑4

@BFKC ew

nxgan

5y↑17

@BFKC I found the arrogant smartarse!!! (and it only took five minutes)

1 More Replies...

Finlay Martin

2y↑3

I’m not gonna lie I’m not the biggest fan of Steve Merchant, but whenever I can hear him laughing at the Monkey News it makes me laugh even more...if I could go back in time I think it’d be up there to go back to when i listened to these for the first time so good❤️

Ricardo Monsivais

2y↑5

This has been said all over this comment section several times but I have to say it: this is the funniest thing that humanity has produced in its history.

Colin Twomey

4y↑61

Best ones are the ones Karl can't even finish..
"Something's said"
*Ricky and Steve burst out laughing
"Oh forget it"

Colin Twomey

3y↑3

@Mark 497 "they said let's.. let's do some business with the bananas"

"THIS IS SUCH SHIT"

"Forget it"

Mark 497

3y↑5

Or the one about the band in Pittsburgh, the A and R guy likes the bass, "that's odd, we dont have a bassist"

W1ngNutRed

3y↑29

Finishes the day off with a little brandy 😂

JerryAttrick

3y↑55

I've always thought I just "didn't get" Brit humor. As an American I'm conditioned to think you need to couple your jokes with physical comedy.
Then I discovered these three men. Last night I tried to listen to the pod while falling asleep and I was in bed laughing until 4:30am.
England, protect these three men at all costs.

Really Straight Guy

2y↑2

@DeadOwl Carrot In A Box and the rematch were pure comedy gold. No matter how many times I watch it, I laugh out loud. And "Nazi Island" was just over the top. Who else but Sean Lock could have gotten away with that? I only wish they would have shown Rachel's face and reaction when that fiasco began. Love Joe as well but Roisin Conaty just destroys me every time.
Here's my fave Roisin/Sean combo https://youtu.be/pnXL9DudTmE?t=824

DeadOwl

2y↑2

@Really Straight Guy I can't get enough of the Cats Does Countdown crew. I found them here as suggested videos a few years ago. Joe Wilkinson still makes me laugh out loud and Sean Locke was a comedic treasure. Carrot In A Box, Sean's mascots, Joe's poems, and Sean ranting about rectum of the year! Solid gold from masters of comedy.

JerryAttrick

2y↑2

@Really Straight Guy Oh shit, I'll have to check it out. I've enjoyed what little I've seen of Jimmy Carr.

Really Straight Guy

2y↑3

@JerryAttrick Make sure you watch the cartoon version if you haven't. Brilliant stuff and you can find them all uploaded for free here on YT. For other humor, check Jimmy Carr's game show "8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown". The battle of wits between Jon Richardson and the late Sean Lock were some of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Buck 50

2y↑7

Yea I'm from Brooklyn NY and discovered karl from the cartoon on HBO and looked online and found all these clips, I couldn't believe it how funny it was

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Ally Gator Animator

3y↑13

"What programme is this?"
"It's a chat show."
"Wh...whose chat show is it?!"
"Well it's...it's the monkey's now."

Brilliant. Bonus points for Karl hearing Steve suggest Cher was the special guest as a joke, before incorporating her into the story as if it were fact. Definitely one of my favourites.

Daniel West

4y↑3

Listening in 2020 and it still makes me laugh 😂 when karl talks about the robbery bank!

Sam Thunders

2y↑1

I miss these shows I'd watch everyone just too funny Ricky's laugh killed me I'd laugh even harder

First Name Last Name

3y↑31

i love how stephen tells ricky to shut up every 5 seconds XDDD

Nate G

5y↑8

Karl Pilkington is the best. I love his views on everything

Zeinuabudin Sharifow

6y↑344

20 offers of marriage...
Does that annoy you Steve...
😂😂😂

Jeremy C

2y↑1

Feels like Karl went with that story just to set up that one joke. Totally worth it.

TheMattmatic

3y↑3

@chill095 1:36:48

chill095

Timestamp for this?

1 More Replies...

lukeee

5y↑5

You know it’s gonna be hilarious when he does a long pause before revealing the ‘absolute twaddle’

J L N

2y↑3

31:00 This story, about the monkey operating a railway signal, is actually true. Paul Harvey reported the story many years ago on his radio program.

Frank Around the World

5y↑54

57:32 “it’s actually run by a couple of chimps” ricky and Steve die laughing

Ben A.K.A The Wanted Raccoon

3y↑30

Never argue with stupid people. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

The sooner Karl finally learns this lesson the better

Horseshoe Overlook

4y↑1

They ought to do some new episodes during the pandemic to cheer us all up

Ron burgundy’s pet fish 🐠

1:20:20 hearing Karl laugh is amazing

Jesuschristonacamel

2y↑5

Ricky's "DONT TALK SHIT!!!" makes me crack the fuck up every time 😂

Jake

3y↑2

When Karl's talking about the 'Victorian Ape Woman.'
"she had ah 20 marriage rewuests, how do you feel about that Steven?" and he didn't miss a beat in making the joke either. Karl is a comedic genius.

Pilkoid

I love Karl he is so funny. I need more on my site. keep up good work :)

Sandwich Breath

5y↑285

He speaks, highly educated... photographer

hohoho hehehe

@Russ Williams karl is often right in what he says.

hohoho hehehe

2y↑3

@Craig Feek one day you might write the complete works of Shakespeare.

Craig Feek

@Kit Palmer 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Russ Williams

3y↑1

Koko actually took photos with 35 mm camera, She loved kittens, used sign language to communicate with caretakers, and loved to watch tv. Koko actually answered , in sign language, questions from forums online. Actually met Robin Williams, and when told he had died, cried. R.I.P. Koko.

MJ Dalicandro

3y↑8

It's at 15:40 for those looking for it.

3 More Replies...

Lochrine -8

5y↑2

Karl’s just the reporter, but it is funny to hear Rick and Steve get frustrated over his silly stories

The Warriors Way

5y↑13

Every night for the last 8 years I listen to this guy crazy
Anyone else?

Half Day Of The Jackal

My sleep track

Tracks reMastered

3y↑2

Iv listened to these 3 literally everyday for so many years. Never gets boring. 🐵

Kay S

3y↑4

I will always listen to these. It’s just too good

Noah Edwards

3y↑28

1:13:46 easily the best part of monkey news and second place isn’t even close to this

Mark Rowley

3y↑1

I haven't laughed so hard in my life 🤣🤣🤣

The Sensur

4y↑14

The “Chimp doctors” thing is literally the best thing Iv’e ever heard.

Carlos Leon

timestamp?

itsIANWOOD

3y↑4

This is pure gold! Thank you! :-)

Emma Jones

4y↑4

The one that gets me is the dark shadow on the road that started causing trouble by pushing over bikes. I can’t think of it without laughing!

carl1212

7y↑112

"mentalist" cracks me up every time

8:25, 31:27, 2:16:57

netbookeater

7y↑5

carl1212 haha!

Heyward J

4y↑5

I still can't tell if this guy is serious... Amazing. He's either a comic genius are absolutely crazy.

rahowhero X

Hes a typical Manc (person from Manchester)...

Fox

3y↑1

A lot of these stories are actually true but Karl gets the details wrong and embellishes. For example the chimp chat show was actually on a Japanese program not Russian.

Stay Positive

4y↑1

Bit of both

The Pontiac Bandit

3y↑7

‘There was this…’ ‘Monkey?’

I love Steve’s tone of voice. 😂

Jordan James

3y↑14

1:53:00 “something’s said”. Funniest moment ever 😅😅

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