In 2007 she was part of Damon Albarn’s team producing the score for his Monkey: Journey To The West opera and toured the USA with Philip Glass as oboeist in The Book Of Longing. 2009-2010 she co produced and played on Kathryn Williams’s album The Quickening and is a member of Marianne Fatihfull’s live band.
In 1992 Kate started her association with the All Saints record label as a composer, player and singer. This resulted in The Familiar, a collaborative album with pianist and composer Roger Eno. She and Roger then joined up with Bill Nelson and Laraaji to form the eclectic, avant-garde collective Channel Light Vessel who released two improvisational albums, Automatic and Excellent Spirits.
In 1995 Kate’s first solo album, Indescribable Night, came out. Produced by her and French composer Joseph Racaille it featured her singing, playing, compositions and arrangements
Shadows of Doubt
Kate St. John Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I’ve been waiting for too long, that I know.
It’s been like this my whole life,
When I get too close my hope dies.
I guess I’m
Bound to roam.
Thru the ashes ofMy home.
I won’t cast a shadow,
I won’t cast a doubt.
I know I’m here
Because of myself.
If you asked me I could find you some excuses.
But I don’t know why I should or what the use is.
You can’t erase one’s past, you’re only hope is
Those mistakes won’t last.
I guess I’m
Bound to roam.
Thru the ashes of
My home.
I won’t cast a shadow,
I won’t cast a doubt.
I know I’m here
Because of myself.
If you asked me I might know the reason.
I am here to wallow in my own treason.
I knew how to mess things up.
I was the master at blowing my own luck.
I guess I’mBound to roam.
Thru the ashes of
My home.
I won’t cast a shadow,
I won’t cast a doubt.
I know I’m here
Because of myself.
In Kate St. John's song "Shadows of Doubt," the lyrics delve into the singer's struggle with self-doubt and the consequences of their actions. The opening lines express a desire for a sign or indication that they should reach out to someone, but they have been waiting for a long time without any clear direction. This sense of uncertainty and hesitation has characterized their entire life, as they find that when they get too close to something or someone, their hope fades away.
The repeated phrase "I guess I'm bound to roam" suggests a feeling of being trapped in a cycle of wandering and searching for meaning. The image of "the ashes of my home" indicates a sense of loss and destruction, perhaps metaphorically representing the repercussions of their past actions or decisions. Despite this, the singer is determined not to cast a shadow of doubt on themselves or others, recognizing that they are responsible for their own presence and circumstances.
The second verse presents a contemplation of excuses and their futility. The singer acknowledges that they might have reasons for their actions, but they question the purpose or usefulness of finding those excuses. They also recognize that the past cannot be erased, and the only hope lies in the fact that mistakes do not have to define them indefinitely.
In the final verse, the lyrics become more introspective, as the singer ponders the reason for their existence. They consider themselves destined to wallow in their own acts of betrayal or treason, highlighting a self-awareness of their ability to sabotage relationships or opportunities. By acknowledging their own role in messing things up and "blowing their own luck," they demonstrate a level of ownership and understanding of their past actions.
Overall, "Shadows of Doubt" explores themes of self-doubt, personal responsibility, and the consequences of one's choices. It reflects on the cycle of seeking meaning and the struggle to overcome the shadows cast by past mistakes.
Line by Line Meaning
I’ve been looking for a sign that I should call.
I've been searching for any indication that I should reach out and make a phone call.
I’ve been waiting for too long, that I know.
I have waited an extended period of time, and I am aware of it.
It’s been like this my whole life,
This type of situation has occurred throughout my entire existence.
When I get too close my hope dies.
Whenever I become emotionally invested, my optimism diminishes.
I guess I’m Bound to roam.
I suppose I am destined to wander.
Thru the ashes of My home.
Through the remnants of what used to be my dwelling place.
I won’t cast a shadow,
I will not project darkness.
I won’t cast a doubt.
I will not create uncertainty or suspicion.
I know I’m here Because of myself.
I am aware that I exist solely due to my own actions and choices.
If you asked me I could find you some excuses.
If you were to inquire, I could provide you with various justifications.
But I don’t know why I should or what the use is.
However, I am uncertain about the importance or usefulness of doing so.
You can’t erase one’s past, you’re only hope is Those mistakes won’t last.
It is impossible to eliminate someone's history, but the only solace is that past errors will not endure forever.
If you asked me I might know the reason.
If you were to inquire, I might possess the knowledge of the explanation.
I am here to wallow in my own treason.
I exist to indulge in my own betrayal or disloyalty.
I knew how to mess things up.
I was well-versed in sabotaging situations.
I was the master at blowing my own luck.
I excelled at sabotaging my own fortune.
I won’t cast a doubt.
I will not create uncertainty or suspicion.
I know I’m here Because of myself.
I am aware that I exist solely due to my own actions and choices.
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
Written by: John Lewitt
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind