Certifiable
Kevin Gilbert Lyrics
Gotta tell you about this, 'cuz I'm very excited about it:
It's got tattoos, it's got a pierced hood
It's got generation X
It's got lesbians, and vitriol
And sadomasochistic latex sex
It's got Mighty Morphin' power brokers
And Tanya Harding nude
Macrobiotic lacto-vegan non-confrontational free range food
It's got the handshake, peace talk, non-aggression pact
Sayin' Amen!
Hallelujah! Amen!
Certifiable number one smash
Hallelujah! Amen!
Certifiable undeniable solid platinum number one smash!
It's got more hooks than a tackle box
It's got really loud guitars
It's got a blasting cap in the fertilizer
It's got secret anguish of the network stars
It's anti-fur, it's unplugged, it's got an OK from the Pope
It's got art nails and a Wonderbra, and
Dread lock blunt rolled Buddha dope
It's got the head nod, the finger pistol
The nose up in your crack
Montel and Geraldo
And the women that hate the men that hate them back
Sayin' Amen!
Hallelujah! Amen!
Certifiable number one smash
Hallelujah! Amen!
Certifiable undeniable solid platinum number one smash
[Video Pitch]
Now I gotta tell ya about the video idea, you're really gonna love this.
We start out in one of these rural churches in the middle of Alabama somewhere and they're havin' this gigantic rave up gospel church festival with fat women with their hands in the air yellin' Amen and Hallelujah.
And our boy, our hero, he's right in the middle of it and religious fervor is just exploding off of his body. Behind the alter of this church there's this gigantic icon of a black Jesus Christ. Who our boy later licks.
Smash cut to him on a hillside dancing wildly, half naked, with his undulating midriff sweating profusely in front of hundreds and hundreds of burning crosses.
Smash cut back to the church, only now it's not a church right, it's a courtroom. And the priest has become a judge, and the choir's become the jury, and black Jesus is on trial for raping our boy.
So this really angry contingent of fat trucker lookin' guys sweeps up black Jesus, beats him senseless and throws him in prison, where our boy takes pity on him, and goes to him, and then weeps in front of the bars and then gives him a hand job through them. But it's all shot by Herb Ritz so it's really beautiful and you feel sorry for both of them.
All right, all right... now so that we don't offend everybody in the whole fucking world, at this point, these two gigantic beautiful red velvet curtains close from either side of the screen and then reopen and the whole cast of the video takes a bow like it was a play or somethin' right! Get it?
All right well, if you don't get that you'll get this... When those receipts start tearin' in from all over the world you're gonna kick the almighty God ass my friends because sixty billion flag waving fans in every stadium in the fucking planet are gonna be yellin' "GOAL!!!!!"
Sequins, bell bottoms, peace and hope and love
OJ and VR and Elvis Jackson with a Blue Suede Glove
Sayin' Amen! Hallelujah! Amen
Certifiable number one smash
Hallelujah! Amen!
Certifiable number one smash
And me and my accountant are so happy
Certifiable undeniable solid platinum number one smash
Contributed by Anthony L. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
To comment on specific lyrics, highlight them
Kevin Gilbert (November 20, 1966 - May 17, 1996) was an American musician, born in Sacramento, California. He died at the age of twenty-nine.
He was an accomplished instrumentalist and composer, who played keyboards, guitars, drums, bass and cellos, as well as singing vocals. His talents also extended to producer. He toured with Eddie Money before winning the Yamaha songwriting competition with his progressive rock group Giraffe. Producer Patrick Read Full BioKevin Gilbert (November 20, 1966 - May 17, 1996) was an American musician, born in Sacramento, California. He died at the age of twenty-nine.
He was an accomplished instrumentalist and composer, who played keyboards, guitars, drums, bass and cellos, as well as singing vocals. His talents also extended to producer. He toured with Eddie Money before winning the Yamaha songwriting competition with his progressive rock group Giraffe. Producer Patrick Leonard was impressed with Gilbert's performance at the competition and invited him to join him in forming a new band which became Toy Matinee. During this time, Gilbert worked on the projects of several established pop musicians, including Madonna, Michael Jackson and produced Keith Emerson's album Changing States.
The lone Toy Matinee album was released in 1990 but effectively shelved by the record company, so Gilbert assembled a new backing band to promote the album, eventually getting two successful singles released: "The Ballad of Jenny Ledge" and "Last Plane Out".
Later, Gilbert was part of a songwriting collective (called "The Tuesday Music Club") that met at producer Bill Bottrell's studio in Pasadena, California. After he began bringing his then girlfriend Sheryl Crow to the sessions, the result was Crow's debut album, Tuesday Night Music Club. Gilbert co-wrote many of the songs on that album, including 1995 Grammy Record of the Year "All I Wanna Do." Crow later acrimoniously split with most of the musicians in the collective and only Bottrell was involved in her follow-up album. Meanwhile the remainder of the collective worked with singer-songwriters Susanna Hoffs and Linda Perry on two more albums.
Gilbert continued to work in television and movie soundtrack work as well as studio work and producing and eventually released his first solo album Thud(1995) as well as partially reforming Giraffe to perform the Genesis masterpiece "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway" at Progfest 94. Gilbert's manager sent a copy of the recording to Tony Banks and Mike Rutherford who were searching for a new Genesis front man to replace Phil Collins. His manager was coming to Gilbert's home to tell him that he had managed to get him an audition when he discovered him dead.
Gilbert's second solo album, The Shaming of the True was released posthumously. The album was largely incomplete, but Gilbert's estate asked Spock's Beard drummer Nick D'Virgilio to complete it based on the extant tapes and Gilbert's notes. A live album (composed mostly of songs from Thud), and a compilation of Giraffe material that Gilbert had been working on and an "industrial" album with Gilbert's latest group, Kaviar have also been released in the years since his death. His estate has promised two more posthumous studio albums and a live performance from Gilbert's promotional group for Toy Matinee.
Discography:
N.R.G. - No Reasons Given (1984)
Giraffe - The Power Of Suggestion (1987)
Giraffe - The View From Here (1989)
Toy Matinee - Toy Matinee (1990; remastered & rereleased 2001)
Sheryl Crow - Tuesday Night Music Club (1993)
Kevin Gilbert - Thud (1995)
Giraffe - Giraffe (1999)
Kevin Gilbert & Thud - Live at the Troubadour (1999)
Kevin Gilbert - The Shaming of the True (2000)
Kaviar - The Kaviar Sessions (2002)
Kevin Gilbert - Nuts (2009)
Kevin Gilbert - Bolts (2009)
Kevin Gilbert - Performs Toy Matinee Live (2010)
Kevin Gilbert - Toy Matinee Acoustic Rehearsal (2014)
He was an accomplished instrumentalist and composer, who played keyboards, guitars, drums, bass and cellos, as well as singing vocals. His talents also extended to producer. He toured with Eddie Money before winning the Yamaha songwriting competition with his progressive rock group Giraffe. Producer Patrick Read Full BioKevin Gilbert (November 20, 1966 - May 17, 1996) was an American musician, born in Sacramento, California. He died at the age of twenty-nine.
He was an accomplished instrumentalist and composer, who played keyboards, guitars, drums, bass and cellos, as well as singing vocals. His talents also extended to producer. He toured with Eddie Money before winning the Yamaha songwriting competition with his progressive rock group Giraffe. Producer Patrick Leonard was impressed with Gilbert's performance at the competition and invited him to join him in forming a new band which became Toy Matinee. During this time, Gilbert worked on the projects of several established pop musicians, including Madonna, Michael Jackson and produced Keith Emerson's album Changing States.
The lone Toy Matinee album was released in 1990 but effectively shelved by the record company, so Gilbert assembled a new backing band to promote the album, eventually getting two successful singles released: "The Ballad of Jenny Ledge" and "Last Plane Out".
Later, Gilbert was part of a songwriting collective (called "The Tuesday Music Club") that met at producer Bill Bottrell's studio in Pasadena, California. After he began bringing his then girlfriend Sheryl Crow to the sessions, the result was Crow's debut album, Tuesday Night Music Club. Gilbert co-wrote many of the songs on that album, including 1995 Grammy Record of the Year "All I Wanna Do." Crow later acrimoniously split with most of the musicians in the collective and only Bottrell was involved in her follow-up album. Meanwhile the remainder of the collective worked with singer-songwriters Susanna Hoffs and Linda Perry on two more albums.
Gilbert continued to work in television and movie soundtrack work as well as studio work and producing and eventually released his first solo album Thud(1995) as well as partially reforming Giraffe to perform the Genesis masterpiece "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway" at Progfest 94. Gilbert's manager sent a copy of the recording to Tony Banks and Mike Rutherford who were searching for a new Genesis front man to replace Phil Collins. His manager was coming to Gilbert's home to tell him that he had managed to get him an audition when he discovered him dead.
Gilbert's second solo album, The Shaming of the True was released posthumously. The album was largely incomplete, but Gilbert's estate asked Spock's Beard drummer Nick D'Virgilio to complete it based on the extant tapes and Gilbert's notes. A live album (composed mostly of songs from Thud), and a compilation of Giraffe material that Gilbert had been working on and an "industrial" album with Gilbert's latest group, Kaviar have also been released in the years since his death. His estate has promised two more posthumous studio albums and a live performance from Gilbert's promotional group for Toy Matinee.
Discography:
N.R.G. - No Reasons Given (1984)
Giraffe - The Power Of Suggestion (1987)
Giraffe - The View From Here (1989)
Toy Matinee - Toy Matinee (1990; remastered & rereleased 2001)
Sheryl Crow - Tuesday Night Music Club (1993)
Kevin Gilbert - Thud (1995)
Giraffe - Giraffe (1999)
Kevin Gilbert & Thud - Live at the Troubadour (1999)
Kevin Gilbert - The Shaming of the True (2000)
Kaviar - The Kaviar Sessions (2002)
Kevin Gilbert - Nuts (2009)
Kevin Gilbert - Bolts (2009)
Kevin Gilbert - Performs Toy Matinee Live (2010)
Kevin Gilbert - Toy Matinee Acoustic Rehearsal (2014)
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Chris Smith
I'm now a fan.... I live in Indiana and wondered who if anyone cherishes Kevin Gilbert out there like I do. Found your stuff online. Bravo !!!
mbp2112
Straight-up fucking brilliant! Love you guys and your commitment to presenting this masterpiece!
Daniel Pelham
Brilliant performance. I’m a musician and purchased the 1st releases of Toy Matinee and Thud but only recently discovered TSOTT. It’s a masterpiece. Thank you for the effort and commitment that went into your tribute performance.
Frank Carmack
I am so glad that they saw fit to perform Kevin's magnus opus. Vielen Dank
the martini kid
Excellent!
great job guys!
THANK YOU!
Tony Velez
great copy of a great talent gone too soon, RIP Kevin Gilbert
Michael Arthur
Amazing!!!!
Kjetil Bjørndalen
i have been a fan of Kevin Gilbert since I stumbled upon a podcast called Calprog. This is just great,love it!
R Bailey
I never got that Kevin was specifically referencing the "Like A Prayer" video until I happened to re-watch it some years after hearing this song.
Jeffers0362
Bloody Superb !!!!