Suit Fugue
Kevin Gilbert Lyrics

Hi, John, it′s Mel from Meglaphone
Mel from Meglaphone is calling John

I've been listening to your tape for the 19th time
Mel has listened to John's tape for the 19th time

Oh that′s another call - can I call you?
Mel has another call and asks permission to call John back

Back when I was in a band we used to sound like this
Mel talks about her own experience in a band that sounded like John's music

And I loved your songs, they reminded me of myself
Mel loves John's songs because they remind her of herself

You sound like Air Supply meets GWAR
Mel compares John's music to Air Supply and GWAR

In a good way; Here's my other number
Mel means the comparison as a compliment and gives John another number

Can you wait for just a sec -
Mel asks John to wait a moment

That's another call coming in, I′ll get back to you
Mel has another call and will call John back

Have my girl take your information
Mel asks John to leave his information with her assistant

Hi, John, it′s Guy from Groan-o-phone
Guy from Groan-o-phone is calling John

Heard some talk about the band and the way you sing
Guy has heard talk about John's band and singing

I really think it's great - can we make a
Guy thinks John is great and wants to make a deal with him

Deal with me, call me a friend, we′ll be a family
Guy wants to make a deal, be friends and family with John

You're a talented individual
Guy acknowledges John's talent

If you sign here on the dotted line... that′s good
Guy wants John to sign a contract

And my nephew will be your producer
Guy's nephew will produce John's music

Yo, John, it's Bill from Biddybum
Bill from Biddybum is calling John

Word is traveling around that you′ve got some tunes
Bill has heard about John's music

We will not be outbid -
Bill won't be outbid

Radio is in the bag, we own the chart
Bill owns the radio and chart

They will not add your song
Bill won't add John's song without checking with his promotion staff

Without checking with our promotion staff, now we
Bill won't add John's song without promotion staff's approval

Hi, John, it's Shep from Shinola
Shep from Shinola is calling John

We should really do a lunch
Shep wants to do lunch with John

Quite a tape indeed - my secretary flipped
Shep's secretary was impressed by John's tape

Your a genius
Shep thinks John is a genius

My name is Johnny Virgil
Shep introduces himself as Johnny Virgil

(Hammer hammer hammer hammer)
Sound effect of hammering

I play this here guitar
Shep plays the guitar

(Schmooze schmooze schmooze schmooze)
Shep is trying to schmooze and sweet talk John

I play it for myself
Shep plays the guitar for himself

(Patronize, patronize, pass the buck, pass the buck)
Shep is patronizing, passing the buck

(Weadle weadle weadle weadle, sell sell sell sell)
Shep is using sales tactics

CAN WE SPEAK CANDIDLY?!
Shep wants to speak candidly with John

Got hands that move like clockwork
Shep's hands move like clockwork

A voice that carries far
Shep's voice carries far

Got a love for nothing else
Shep loves nothing else more than music

LET'S BE SPONTANEOUS!
Shep wants to be spontaneous

Hi, Jack, it′s Al from A&R
Al from A&R is calling Jack

You don′t really need the band they are in the way
Al thinks Jack doesn't need the band and they are in the way

We only wanted you any way so
They only wanted Jack anyway

Dump the band, you are the face
Al wants Jack to dump the band and become the face

You better wise up fast
Al wants Jack to wise up quickly

This is not a game - we're professionals
Al is serious and wants Jack to know they are professionals

Did I mention that you won′t be out this year
Al reminds Jack that he won't be out this year

Cannot be helped - go take a vacation
Jack can't do anything and should take a vacation

One more thing that you should know
Al has another thing to tell Jack

We're all counting on you to be
Al wants Jack to know everyone is counting on him

Our new golden boy
They consider Jack as their new golden boy

Lot′s of lives and jobs in the balance
Lots of lives and jobs depend on Jack's success

Virgil, it's Pete, your president
Pete, the president, is calling Virgil

Calling to congratulate you on your fine choice
Pete congratulates Virgil on his fine choice

You must be very proud, so are we
They are proud of Virgil and think he is too

I′m sure your music is terrif although I must admit
Pete thinks Virgil's music is terrific but admits he hasn't listened to much of anything

I don't listen to much of any thing
Pete doesn't listen to much of anything

Did I mention that I used to have a band?
Pete mentions that he used to have a band

I have to run, been great talking to you
Pete has to run and says it was great talking to Virgil

Hi, Joe, about publicity
Joe is being called about publicity

Thought about the photo op with the cripple
They thought about using a photo of a disabled person in their publicity

No, we need a sharper hook - like a scandal
They want a sharper hook for their publicity, like a scandal

Maybe you could rape a nun
They suggest using rape of a nun as a publicity hook

Or better still a priest
They suggest using rape of a priest as a publicity hook

Some androgyny could be interesting, shall we
They suggest using androgyny as a publicity hook

Hi, Jim, it's Val from video
Val from video is calling Jim

Who decided on your hair?
Val is asking Jim who decided his hair

Can we cut it off?
Val wants to cut off Jim's hair

We′d like to see a buzz bin rotation
They want to see Jim's video in a buzz bin rotation

(Weasel weasel weasel weasel, lie lie lie lie)
Val is weaseling and lying

I play this here guitar...
Val plays the guitar

(Pacify, pacify, jack you off, jack you off)
Val is trying to pacify and entertain Jim

Ah fuck it
Val gives up

(Shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle, yawn yawn yawn yawn)
Val is shuffling and yawning

ARE YOU A PRIORITY!
Val demands to know if Jim is a priority

I′m gonna be a star
Val is going to be a star

And this is how it's done
Val thinks he knows how to become a star

DO YOU WANT A HIT OF THIS?
Val offers a hit of something