Perhaps best known as a second season contestant on television phenomenon American Idol, Caldwell struck a chord with millions of the show’s viewers thanks to her gutsy vocals, passionate performances, and earthy charisma. On Without Regret, she wields her full-throttle belt to maximum effect on a series of emotionally resonant, pop-inflected rock songs, several of which she co-wrote. There are buoyant, propulsive rockers (female empowerment anthem “Going Going Gone” and first single “Mess of You”), the fiery and powerful (“Cost of Love” and “Heart Like Mine”), as well as soaring, graceful love songs (“Say Love” and the soulful “If You’re Gonna Fall”). Caldwell also covers Melissa Etheridge’s “Sleep While I Drive” as a tribute to Etheridge, whose “Come to My Window” Caldwell performed memorably on Idol. “We kind of conceived this album as a modern-day Melissa Etheridge moment,” Caldwell says. “I’m a massive fan of hers, as well as of Bonnie Raitt and Ann Wilson. I just love these fearless female rockers who sing straight from the heart.”
Caldwell strove to achieve the boldness of her favorite artists on Without Regret by recording songs that spoke to her, such as “Cost of Love” (written by Diane Warren) and “Heart Like Mine” (co-written by American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi and Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger), as well as co-writing four highly personal songs: “Taking Back My Life,” “Human After All,” “Frozen,” and “Say Love” — all of which document the different stages and emotions surrounding relationships. For Caldwell, the overall theme of Without Regret is just being human. “Like everyone else, I’ve had hardships: broken family, broken hearts, and thank God I did because I’ve been able to write honestly about the experiences in my life that have affected me in both good ways and bad,” she says. “If my music can give someone that push they need just to keep on going, then I’ve done my job.”
To help her deliver the authentic vocal performances she knew the songs required, Caldwell turned to producer Marshall Altman who has worked with singer-songwriters Matt Nathanson, Marc Broussard, and Kate Voegele, among others. “Marshall was amazing because he really welcomed all the emotion that went into making this record,” Caldwell says. “He taught me to embrace the imperfections — to stop worrying about every note being perfect and just let go.”
The most important thing, Caldwell says, “is that I jumped over to the fearless side. This album is my first step in allowing people to know ‘I’ve been where you are, I hurt like you do, but I’ve turned it around and made something positive moving forward and so can you.’”
Caldwell developed her fierce determination through a childhood that had its share of obstacles. Born in Katy, Texas, she describes herself as an attention-seeking kid who would climb on the coffee table, throw her hands in the air, and scream, “Look at me! I can do this!” “I’ve always wanted to be an entertainer,” she says. “I just wanted to perform for people.” That desire led to four years on the beauty pageant circuit, from ages 5 to age 9. “I loved the hair and makeup. I loved rehearsing,” she says. “My mom would have these extravagant outfits made, like red lamé with silver fringe and she would spray paint a silver cowboy hat and boots for me, the whole nine yards.”
A fan of country music and such artists as Reba McEntire, the Judds, and Randy Travis, Caldwell became obsessed with appearing on the television talent show Star Search, “the way people are with American Idol today,” she says. She wound up winning the competition five times, the most wins for a junior vocalist on the original version. At age 12, she landed a gig as a featured performer on a singing revue called “Country Tonite,” which meant a family move to Branson, MO, where the show was located. Caldwell sang country favorites six days a week, performing two shows a day, “doing full-on numbers where the dancers picked me up and I’m wearing a headset,” she recalls. Her mother told her she could stop anytime, but she loved performing and carried on for three years. Then at age 15, she decided she wanted to move back to Katy and “just be normal.”
Around this time, her parents’ marriage fell apart, her relationship with her father deteriorated, and her mother struggled to support her and her younger sister. Caldwell coped by going through what she describes as a rebellious phase, but the absence of performing took a deep emotional toll on her. So when auditions for the second season of American Idol rolled through Texas, Caldwell decided to take her shot and rode the wave all the way to the Top 10. When the show ended, she set out on a nationwide trek with the other finalists on the “Idols Live!” tour, then parlayed her fan favorite status into a stint as a correspondent for the entertainment/extreme sports program 54321 on FOX Sports Network, followed by a job as an entertainment correspondent and host for the TV Guide Network.
“I enjoyed hosting, but I didn’t want to let go of music or my dream of making an album,” Caldwell says. She spent several years working with her mentor, hit-maker Diane Warren, and several people approached her about numerous music projects, but nothing concrete really panned out until mid-2008. That’s when Caldwell wrote several songs that finally hit the emotional notes she knew she was capable of. The strength of her songs, plus her powerhouse voice, landed Caldwell a deal with Vanguard Records, part of the Welk Music Group. Shortly thereafter, Vanguard partnered with EMI Music Group to release Without Regret through Vanguard/Capitol.
“My two main philosophies are that everything happens for a reason and never apologize for who you are,” Caldwell says. “I try to live by both each day. I wasn’t meant to make an album any sooner because it wasn’t the right time for me. Now I’m on the right path and I really feel, for the first time, like I am truly fearless.”
When I'm Not Around
Kimberly Caldwell Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I know when I'm not around it's gonna break you
You think you would never think about me
But I know, yes I know
It's gonna rip your heart apart when you don't have me
You're gonna wish for a different ending to the story
You're gonna see my face in every dream that you dreamI'm gonna haunt your every thought, you won't escape me
You'll wish you still had me
I know when I'm not around it's gonna crack you
I know when I'm not around it's gonna mess up
You think you would never think about me
But I know, yes I know
It's gonna rip your heart apart when you don't have me
You're gonna wish for a different ending to the story
You're gonna see my face in every dream that you dream
I'm gonna haunt your every thought, you won't escape me
You'll wish you still had me
So go on, go on, go on walk out the door
Gonna find that you're leaving behind what you were looking for
Gonna realize you made a big mistake
When you find that out it's gonna be too late,
It's gonna be too late, it's gonna be too late
It's gonna rip your heart apart when you don't have me
You're gonna wish for a different ending to the story
You're gonna see my face in every dream that you dream
I'm gonna haunt your every thought, you won't escape me
You'll wish you still had me
In this song, Kimberly Caldwell sings about how her absence will affect her partner emotionally. She starts off by acknowledging that the person will be hurt and break when she's not around. She then says that even though they may think they wouldn't think about her, she knows that they will. She emphasizes the impact of her absence by saying that it will rip their heart apart and they'll wish for a different ending to the story of their relationship. She says that they'll see her face in every dream they have, and that she'll haunt their every thought, leaving them unable to escape her. They'll even wish they still had her. Caldwell sings with a sense of confidence and knowledge about how much her presence and absence means to her partner.
The second verse continues in the same vein, saying that her absence will "crack" and "mess up" her partner. The repetition of the lines from the first verse reinforces the certainty of what she's saying. The pre-chorus is an admonishment, urging her partner to leave and find what they're looking for. However, she warns that when they do, it's going to be too late - they'll have realized they made a mistake leaving her.
Line by Line Meaning
I know when I'm not around it's gonna hurt you
The absence of me is going to cause you a great deal of emotional pain
I know when I'm not around it's gonna break you
The absence of me is going to shatter your emotional stability
You think you would never think about me
You mistakenly believe that you won't ever miss me
But I know, yes I know
However, I am aware that you will
It's gonna rip your heart apart when you don't have me
The lack of me will cause irreparable emotional damage to you
You're gonna wish for a different ending to the story
You will regret not having me in your life and wish for things to end differently
You're gonna see my face in every dream that you dream
My image will be persistently present in your mind and dreams
I'm gonna haunt your every thought, you won't escape me
I will be a constant thought and presence in your mind, there's no getting away from me
You'll wish you still had me
You will yearn to have me back in your life
So go on, go on, go on walk out the door
You are leaving despite my warning
Gonna find that you're leaving behind what you were looking for
You will realize only after leaving me that you had already found what you were looking for
Gonna realize you made a big mistake
You will understand that leaving me was a mistake
When you find that out it's gonna be too late,
Unfortunately, it will be too late for you to fix your mistake when you realize it
It's gonna be too late, it's gonna be too late
Sadly, you will miss your chance to have me back in your life
Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Universal Music Publishing Group
Written by: DIANE EVE WARREN
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind