I'm sorry
King Missile Lyrics

No, I never was in Vietnam
I never participated in the Vietnam War.

I never once dove into an empty swimming pool
I never attempted such a dangerous stunt.

I never let the carpet walk right out from under me
I never got caught off guard or lost control.

I never painted a house or a tree
I never engaged in DIY activities.

I never did become an exotic dancer, or a customer service representative
I never worked in any unconventional or mundane occupation.

I never took the pulse of a dying duck, or gave mouth to mouth resuscitation to a horse fly
I never had any strange or gross encounters with animals.

In a way, I suppose you could say my experience is quite limited
I lacked exposure to various life experiences.

For example, I never locked Oliver Cromwell in a broom closet while singing Waltzing Matilda
I never did anything outrageous, satirical or historically incorrect.

I never sawed television in half, although I once saw Wendy O. Williams saw a guitar
I never destroyed any personal property for entertainment.

I never played a decent game of jacks
I never excelled in children's games.

I never played poker with a toothless one-eyed pirate who kept picking his teeth with a bowie knife to distract me, while his parrot looked over my shoulder and told him what cards I had by using an elaborate code involving vomiting, chirping, and sea chanteys
I never participated in any shady card games with untrustworthy characters, including their pets.

I never bought a lamp-wait; I did buy a lamp once
I never made many purchases except for an exception.

But I never bought a lantern, or a lambskin prophylactic
I never bought any other light source or unconventional protective gear.

I never bought a loin or a Loinel Ritchie album
I never purchased any meat or music by Lionel Ritchie.

I never bought anthing beginning with the letter "L" except lollipops, light bulbs and lettuce and the lamp
I only bought a few items starting with the letter 'L' including common household items.

I never laid down for a nap and found the Everly Brothers in bed with me
I never reminisced an awkward or weird dream.

I never let a cyborg take out the garbage
I never interacted with any futuristic self-operating machines.

I'm sorry
I am apologizing.

I stole the radio
I committed theft.

I did it
I am admitting fault.

I sawed the legs off the periodic table
I destroyed scientific equipment.

I re-elected the president
I voted for the re-election of the President.

I farted in the church
I emitted flatulence in the church.

I did many many bad things and I am so sorry!
I regret all of my past actions.