Female Referee
Kunt and the Gang Lyrics


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I've been suffering from erection problems
But that soon was healed
When I was playing Sunday
League over Blackshots field
I saw her on the football pitch
She was all in black
Her slight was slightly baggy but her
Shorts were up her crack
I had more shots than Frank Lampard in
An attempt to turn her head
But like when he's in an England shirt
They all landed in row Z
I hoped that my firm tackle
And my ball control
Would make me look a good acquisition and
I'd get to achieve my goal

Female referee, female referee
Make your decision final
Please go out with me
I've been suffering from erection problems
But I think you hold the key
I got a yellow card when my cock went hard
Over the female referee

As I ate my half-time oranges
And rolled down my socks
I thought that I might turn her on
If I dribbled round the box
My team was losing eleven-nil but
Then I got a chance
I scored a toe-poke from three yards
And did a Roger Miller dance
My ethnic moves must have caught




Her eye because at full-time
She asked me if I'd take her
Out for a lager and lime
We were getting on really well
It was all going alright
Until I ran over a disabled kid
When I jumped a yellow light

Female referee, female referee
It was just an error in judgement
Don't finish with me
If you blow my whistle one more time
I promise not to pee
But I got a red card when I hit a retard
In my old man's Ford Capri
But I got a red card when I hit a retard
In my old man's Ford Capri

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Kunt and the Gang's song "Female Referee" humorously describe a football player's infatuation with a female referee and his attempts to impress her. The player initially mentions his struggles with "erection problems," but these issues disappear when he sees the female referee on the football pitch. Despite his efforts to catch her attention by taking numerous shots and hoping his skills on the field would impress her, his attempts seem to fail as his shots metaphorically "landed in row Z," likening them to missed opportunities.


The player's humorous and suggestive descriptions of the female referee's attire, particularly her slightly baggy shirt and revealing shorts, add a playful tone to the song. He fantasizes about catching her eye with his football skills and celebrates a brief moment of success when she agrees to go out with him after the match. However, the humorous twist comes in when he accidentally runs over a disabled child while rushing through a traffic light, reflecting the player's series of unfortunate incidents.


The chorus of the song, "Female referee, female referee, make your decision final, please go out with me," underscores the player's desire for a romantic relationship with the female referee despite the comical mishaps that occur. The lyrics touch upon themes of infatuation, misguided attempts at impressing someone, and the unpredictable nature of life's circumstances.


Ultimately, the song captures the singer's mix of longing, humor, and irony as he navigates the complexities of pursuing a romantic interest while also dealing with the comedic misfortunes that befall him. The lighthearted and witty storytelling in the lyrics creates a narrative filled with absurdity and charm, ultimately showcasing the amusing and playful nature of Kunt and the Gang's satirical approach to music.


Line by Line Meaning

I've been suffering from erection problems
I've been experiencing difficulties with sexual arousal and performance.


But that soon was healed
However, this issue quickly resolved itself.


When I was playing Sunday
During my casual weekend football games,


League over Blackshots field
on a local pitch known as Blackshots.


I saw her on the football pitch
I noticed her presence on the field,


She was all in black
dressed entirely in black attire.


Her slight was slightly baggy but her
Her uniform fit loosely, yet her outfit was still appealing.


Shorts were up her crack
Her shorts were snug and revealing.


I had more shots than Frank Lampard in
I took many shots on goal, just as the famous footballer Frank Lampard often does.


An attempt to turn her head
in hopes of gaining her attention and interest.


But like when he's in an England shirt
But just like his performances for England,


They all landed in row Z
none of my efforts were successfulโ€”they missed the target completely.


I hoped that my firm tackle
I believed that a strong play during the game,


And my ball control
along with my skillful handling of the ball,


Would make me look a good acquisition and
would present me as a desirable player for my team,


I'd get to achieve my goal
and ultimately help me win her affection.


Female referee, female referee
Oh, female referee, you who guide the game,


Make your decision final
please make a lasting choice regarding me.


Please go out with me
I am asking you out on a date.


I've been suffering from erection problems
Previously, I faced problems with arousal,


But I think you hold the key
but now I believe you're the solution to that issue.


I got a yellow card when my cock went hard
I received a penalty for an inappropriate reaction when I felt aroused.


Over the female referee
specifically concerning my feelings toward the female referee.


As I ate my half-time oranges
While I was enjoying my snack during halftime,


And rolled down my socks
and adjusting my attire for comfort,


I thought that I might turn her on
I considered that my moves could attract her attention.


If I dribbled round the box
by skillfully maneuvering around the goal area.


My team was losing eleven-nil but
Even though my team was far behind on the scoreline,


Then I got a chance
I was given an opportunity to score.


I scored a toe-poke from three yards
I managed to score a quick goal with a toe-poke from close range,


And did a Roger Miller dance
and celebrated with quirky dance moves inspired by Roger Miller.


My ethnic moves must have caught
I presumed that my distinctive dance style drew her attention.


Her eye because at full-time
Because after the game was over,


She asked me if I'd take her
she inquired if I would take her out.


Out for a lager and lime
perhaps to share a drink, like lager with lime.


We were getting on really well
We seemed to be connecting and having a good time.


It was all going alright
Everything was progressing positively.


Until I ran over a disabled kid
But things took a drastic turn when I accidentally caused an incident.


When I jumped a yellow light
after I sped through a traffic signal that was turning yellow.


Female referee, female referee
Oh, female referee, I plead with you once more,


It was just an error in judgement
this was merely a mistake on my part.


Don't finish with me
Please donโ€™t end our budding relationship.


If you blow my whistle one more time
If you reprimand me again for my actions,


I promise not to pee
I assure you I will behave suitably.


But I got a red card when I hit a retard
However, I received a serious penalty after that incident.


In my old man's Ford Capri
while driving my fatherโ€™s Ford Capri.


But I got a red card when I hit a retard
Again, I was penalized for another incident.


In my old man's Ford Capri
while behind the wheel of the same vehicle.




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