Kunt and the Gang 's songs take a light-hearted approach to many modern issues, with song titles such as 'Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid Of An Ex-Girlfriend Who Died'.
Performing since 2003, the debut LP, I Have a Little Wank and I Have a Little Cry, was released in 2004, the first part of a 'wanking and crying' trilogy of albums. A Greatest hits album and DVD Complete Kunt was released in 2010.
The act has been compared, musically at least, to fellow UK comedy act John Shuttleworth as all the songs are performed on a cheap-sounding keyboard and simple drum machine.
Affiliated artists include The Kunts, Kunt and the Gang Presents, Little Kunt , The Krown Jewelz and Kunt's manager Mike Gibbons.
Kunt also endorsed The Krackpots in their Christmas number 1 campaign in 2023.
www.kuntandthegang.co.uk/
www.kunt.me.uk/
Fucksticks
Kunt and the Gang Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
He used when things went wrong
To introduce this word to you I put it in a song
So everytime this word gets used his memory lives on
I'm about to tell you what it is so you can sing along
"Fucksticks!"
When Nan wouldn't let him touch her furry pie "Fucksticks!"
When he got some shrapnel lodged in his Jap's eye
"Fucksticks!"
When a German sniper shot him in the cock
"Fucksticks!"
When he found a lump on his left bollock
"Fucksticks!"
When me Nan died and she left him all alone
"Fucksticks!"
When he let a bogus caller in his home
"Fucksticks!"
When the first black people moved into his street
"Fucksticks!"
When arthritis meant he couldn't beat his meat
"Fucksticks! Mother's cunt, fucksticks!"
So everytime I hear the word
I start to reminisce
I suddenly taste Werthers and get a faint whiff of piss
So when someone annoys me or things get on my pip
I think about the moany, racist old cunt and really let it rip...
"Fucksticks!"
When I miss an open goal in 5-a-side
"Fucksticks!"
When I lost my hard-on's after Nan had died
When the teacher's told me that I was no good
"Fucksticks!"
When the old bill caught me wanking in the wood
"Fucksticks!"
When I'm having it off and I think of my old man
"Fucksticks!"
When Little Kunt leaves skidmarks down the pan
"Fucksticks!"
When some other fucker pushes in a queue
"Fucksticks!"
When you get caught short and really need a poo
"Fucksticks!"
When I came a-tumbling off my BMX
"Fucksticks!"
When I split my frenulum while having sex
"Fucksticks!"
When some smart-ass gives me my comeuppence
"Fucksticks!"
When it's ages since I've seen a lady's tuppence
"Fucksticks!"
When there's no clean pants so you have to wear your Mum's
"Fucksticks!"
When your bird won't let you fuck her up the bum
"Fucksticks!"
When you feel all queer and you don't know what to say
If you say "Fucksticks!" "Fucksticks!" "Fucksticks!"
It just makes everything OK
"Fucksticks! Mother's cunt, fucksticks!"
The lyrics to Kunt and the Gang's song "Fucksticks" are a celebration of a word that has been used by the songwriter's grandfather throughout his life as a way of expressing frustration and anger. The word "Fucksticks" is used to describe everything from sexual frustration to physical pain and loss, and the songwriter sees it as a way of keeping his grandfather's memory alive.
The song is filled with explicit language and shocking imagery, but it is also tinged with nostalgia and sadness. The singer of the song remembers his grandfather with affection, even though he acknowledges that the old man was often rude and bigoted. He uses the word "Fucksticks" as a way of connecting with his grandfather's memory and of expressing his own emotions in a raw and powerful way.
Line by Line Meaning
"Fucksticks!"
The word represents a derogatory expression of negative emotion
When Nan wouldn't let him touch her furry pie
Used to express dissatisfaction when his grandmother rejected sexual advances
When he got some shrapnel lodged in his Jap's eye
Used to express pain and discomfort due to a wartime injury
When a German sniper shot him in the cock
Used to express the pain and trauma from being attacked during war
When he found a lump on his left bollock
Used to express fear and anxiety after discovering a lump on his genitalia
When me Nan died and she left him all alone
Used to express sadness after his grandmother's death
When he let a bogus caller in his home
Used to express regret after a security breach
When the first black people moved into his street
Used to express prejudice and anger towards immigrants
When arthritis meant he couldn't beat his meat
Used to express frustration with his physical limitations
"Fucksticks! Mother's cunt, fucksticks!"
An intensified expression of negativity
When I miss an open goal in 5-a-side
Used to express frustration and disappointment after making a mistake
When I lost my hard-on's after Nan had died
Used to express grief and sorrow after his grandmother's death affected his sex life
When the teacher's told me that I was no good
Used to express sadness and self-doubt after receiving negative feedback
When the old bill caught me wanking in the wood
Used to express embarrassment and humiliation after being caught masturbating by the police
When I'm having it off and I think of my old man
Used to express guilt and shame after feeling conflicted during sexual activity
When Little Kunt leaves skidmarks down the pan
Used to express disgust and frustration after encountering unpleasant bodily substances
When some other fucker pushes in a queue
Used to express resentment and anger when someone cuts in line
When you get caught short and really need a poo
Used to express urgency and discomfort due to a bowel movement
When I came a-tumbling off my BMX
Used to express pain and injury after falling from a bicycle
When I split my frenulum while having sex
Used to express physical pain and discomfort during sexual activity
When some smart-ass gives me my comeuppence
Used to express resentment and anger after receiving negative karma
When it's ages since I've seen a lady's tuppence
Used to express sexual frustration and longing when not having sex for an extended period
When there's no clean pants so you have to wear your Mum's
Used to express embarrassment and shame associated with wearing clothes considered uncool or unfashionable
When your bird won't let you fuck her up the bum
Used to express frustration and disappointment after sexual rejection
When you feel all queer and you don't know what to say
Used to express confusion and uncertainty in social situations
If you say "Fucksticks!" "Fucksticks!" "Fucksticks!"
The repetition of the word is a coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions
It just makes everything OK
Saying the word helps to alleviate negative emotions and provides temporary relief
Contributed by Violet F. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@MrCjnine
Glad that’s still on here
@margotishrn
Too right!
@matthewgrove-jones3001
now why would they take this down?
@MrCjnine
@@matthewgrove-jones3001 1 word I hate mate: censorship
@DeadlyWade
Still hilarious 10 years on
@haydnr1631
Crude but amazingly funny, seen and heard live at Pentrefest 2023
@george474747
Although this is comedy, the songwriting is ridiculously good. Never mind the simplicity of the production, Kunt writes great songs with excellent rhythm and superbly crafted lyrics.
I love the instrumental @1:08 and the keyboard part coming in @2:11. His songs are so melodic.
@george474747
Who else rhymes comeuppance and twopence? It's poetic. As a lyricist, he's almost like a sweary Half Man Half Biscuit.
@ChargerrentalCoandammo
We miss you Kunt
@paulmusson6954
So bloody funny 💯