Kunt and the Gang 's songs take a light-hearted approach to many modern issues, with song titles such as 'Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid Of An Ex-Girlfriend Who Died'.
Performing since 2003, the debut LP, I Have a Little Wank and I Have a Little Cry, was released in 2004, the first part of a 'wanking and crying' trilogy of albums. A Greatest hits album and DVD Complete Kunt was released in 2010.
The act has been compared, musically at least, to fellow UK comedy act John Shuttleworth as all the songs are performed on a cheap-sounding keyboard and simple drum machine.
Affiliated artists include The Kunts, Kunt and the Gang Presents, Little Kunt , The Krown Jewelz and Kunt's manager Mike Gibbons.
Kunt also endorsed The Krackpots in their Christmas number 1 campaign in 2023.
www.kuntandthegang.co.uk/
www.kunt.me.uk/
Kunt and the Gang Megamix
Kunt and the Gang Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
I I I I I I wanted a record deal
But I was too rude
I I I I I I wanted a record deal
But I was too rude
I I I I I I wanted a record deal
I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
(I'm getting out my cock)
I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
(I pull my foreskin back)
I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
(I reveal my acorn) i wanted a record deal
Have a wank, have a wank
Have a motherfucking wank
What do you do in the middle of the night
When it's dead, dead quiet
And your mums asleep and your dad's asleep
And the door is shut and the light
Is out and the room is dark
The curtains drawn and you're on your own
The bed is warm in your dreamless room
And your hand's restless and
Your knob is hard have a wank, have a wank
Have a motherfucking wank come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(I'm thinking of ladies) come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(playing with their vulvas) come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(and inserting objects) come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(into their women's areas)
Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Mother's cunt
Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Fucksticks now my grandad had a word he
Used when things went wrong
To introduce this word to you I
Put it in a song
Now every time this word gets
Used his memory lives on
I'm about to tell you what it
Is so you can sing along
(Fucksticks) When I miss an
Open goal in five-a-side
(Fucksticks) When I lost my hard
On's after nan had died
(Fucksticks) When the teacher's told me
That I was no good
(Fucksticks) When the 'old bill caught
Me wanking in the wood
(Fucksticks) When I came a'tumbling
Off my BMX (Fucksticks) When I split my
Frenulum whilst having sex
(Fucksticks) When some smart arsed bastard
Gives me my comeuppance
(Fucksticks) When it's been ages since
I've seen a ladies tuppence
Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Mother's cunt
Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Fucksticks
You look really nice i've got some advice
Take your skirt off and pull your pants down
'Cause I'm gonna lick you out
I can see you think I'm fit
And I can sense you'd like a bit
Well take your skirt off and
Pull your pants down
'Cause I'm gonna lick you out
I'm gonna lick you out
I'm gonna lick you out
Take your skirt off and pull your pants down
'Cause I'm gonna lick you out
Yo I'm gonna lick you out
Little Kunt's gonna lick you out
Wank the Dog will even lick you out
If you smear some chum up your clout
(bring the horns back)
Last friday night I was due out on a date
But unfortunately I got home really late
I didn't have time for a bath or a shower
There's only one thing that can save us
It's just like a shower but
It's over the sink
The only thing that gets washed
Is shiny and pink
If there's a possibility of fellatio
You have to make sure
That your knob doesn't smell like Quavers
(Quavers) a gentlemen's wash
A gentlemen's wash
If you think there's a half a chance
Your cock might get a nosh
Pull your pants to one side
Wash the member they hide
And that's a little gentlemen's wash
Beards, beards beards beards, beards beards
Beards, beards beards beards, beards beards
Beards, beards beards
Men with beards what are they hiding?
Could I handle the truth if they
Chose me to confide in
Or would my dead body be
Found by a railway siding?
Where I've been murdered by a
Man with a beard
Murdered by a man with a beard
They put porno mags in the
Bushes in the woods
They interfere with kids and make
Them say thank you afterwards
They hang about in parks
Wait until after dark
Jump out of the bushes and then
Fuck you for a lark
Men with beards, beards, beards, beards
Shave my pussy sh-sh-shave my pussy
Sh-sh-shave my pussy shave it, shave it
I'm tired of when I'm licking
Out a ladies underneath
I'm always getting curly pubic hairs
Stuck between my teeth
I want a girls who bit
Doesn't look like Robert Smith
It's a shaven haven that I am craving
(It's a shaven haven that he is craving)
It's a shaven haven that I am craving
Over hairy beavers I'ma fed up slaving
For a baldy ding dong, myself I'm saving
It's a shaven haven that I am craving
(It's a shaven haven that he is craving)
When I was up the loft i came across a box
That when I opened up stirred
Mixed emotions in my cock
It felt a little hard but
It felt a little soft
Next thing that I know I was
Feeling sexy up the loft now I unzip my fly
And pull out my Jap's eye
I have a little wank and I have a little cry
I'm wanking over a pornographic polaroid
Of an ex-girlfriend who died
(grotesque crying sounds)
"Come on Kunt, you'll be alright"
"But I really miss her Little Kunt"
"If you tell me a bit more about that
Photo it might help you get over her"
"Alright then Little Kunt
I'll give it a go"
I met this girl on MySpace
She was sixteen and a half
She said that I was well buff
And that I made her laugh
So I sent her a picture of
Me wanking in the bath
I think I misjudged the situation
She didn't wanna see my soapy masturbation
Please don't grass me up to Tom
There's a lot of perverts on the internet
That try to chat up girls and
Get their ding dongs wet
I am one but don't tell my mum
'Cause if she finds out then
I'm gonna get done
There's a lot of perverts on the internet
That try to chat up girls and
Get their ding dongs wet
He is one but don't tell his mum
'Cause if she finds out then
He's gonna get done go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arse go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arse come on penetrate me
Make me feel like Stephen Gately
But don't push it in too deep
Or you'll end up with my
Shit around your brim go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arse go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arsehole
As a Kunt and the Gang Megamix!
The lyrics to "Kunt and the Gang Megamix" by Kunt and the Gang are filled with provocative and explicit content that may be seen as offensive or humorous, depending on the context. The song seems to explore themes of longing, frustration, and humor through a lens of crude and vulgar language. The repetitive lines about wanting a record deal but being too rude suggest a sense of ambition and rejection, juxtaposed with graphic descriptions of sexual acts and bodily functions.
The verses delve into imagery related to masturbation, sexual desires, and self-gratification in a blunt and crass manner. These lines paint a vivid picture of intimate moments and primal urges, with references to genitalia and sexual fantasies. The crude language and explicit descriptions serve to shock and entertain the audience, highlighting the absurdity and rawness of human desires.
The chorus features the repeated expletive "Fucksticks" and references to genitalia, emphasizing moments of frustration, disappointment, and awkwardness in various scenarios. The word is used as a form of exclamation to express emotions of anger, regret, or embarrassment, creating a comical and exaggerated tone throughout the song.
The final verses touch upon themes of online interactions, misunderstandings, and inappropriate behavior, shedding light on the darker aspects of internet culture and human interactions. The lyrics blend humor with discomfort as they delve into taboo subjects and societal norms. The song concludes with a shocking and provocative line that subverts expectations and leaves the listener questioning the boundaries of humor and decency in music. Overall, the lyrics of "Kunt and the Gang Megamix" challenge conventional notions of propriety and explore the complexities of human desires and humor in a provocative and controversial manner.
Line by Line Meaning
I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
Desiring a contract for my music, yet my behavior was crass and unsuitable
Have a wank, have a wank, Have a motherfucking wank
Engage in self-pleasure in the solitude of the night
Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt, Mother's cunt
Expressing frustration or disappointment with expletives and vulgar language
I'm gonna lick you out, Little Kunt's gonna lick you out
Implies performing oral sex on a partner in a crude manner
A gentlemen's wash, A gentlemen's wash
A crude hygiene practice to freshen up for potential intimacy
Men with beards, beards, beards, beards
Questioning the trustworthiness of bearded individuals
Shave my pussy sh-sh-shave my pussy, Sh-sh-shave my pussy shave it, shave it
Requesting a partner to groom their pubic hair to prevent discomfort during oral sex
I'm wanking over a pornographic polaroid, Of an ex-girlfriend who died
Masturbating to a risqué image of a deceased romantic partner
There's a lot of perverts on the internet, That try to chat up girls and Get their ding dongs wet
Highlighting the dangers of online interactions with individuals seeking sexual gratification
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt, Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse, Oh use my arse
Crudely suggesting an alternative form of sexual activity
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
@perroperro4629
This is amazing despite it being 9 years old. This is why Britain is great
@chrisjenkins6687
I have listened to this a thousand times and it just keeps getting better...
@Xirqon
I had to download this recently in case it was ever taken down, because it really is just the best thing on youtube. 2 crates + this on repeat = heaven.
@Xirqon
When I first heard this I didn't like it, but its grown on me and now I love it.
@mrbrown2186
Best megamix ever. Its like jive bunny pinned kunt down and raped his back catalogue for all it's worth!
@Mathertron
Patrician tier review.You should work for the radio times.
@oalaska
jesus
@Stephengrimes1972
This is the dog bollocks.
@Mathertron
I agree :)
@Mathertron
@Xirqon *giggle*