FEAR.
Lamar Kendrick Lyrics

(I don't think I can find a way to make it on this earth)
I feel hopeless and don't believe I can find success or happiness in this world.

What's up family, yeah it's yo cousin Carl man, just given' you a call man
Hey family, it's your cousin Carl checking in and reaching out.

I know you been havin' a lot on yo mind lately
I know you've been burdened with a lot on your mind recently.

And I know you feel like ya know people ain't been prayin' for you
And I know you feel like people haven't been praying for you.

But you have to understand this man, that we are a cursed people
But you must understand that we belong to a cursed group.

Deuteronomy 28:28 says
According to Deuteronomy 28:28, it says

"The Lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness
"The Lord will inflict us with madness, blindness

And astonishment of heart."
And a feeling of astonishment and despair."

See family that's why you feel like
You see, family, that's why you feel

You feel like you got a chip on your shoulder
You feel like you're constantly burdened and under attack

Until you finally get the memo, you will always feel that way
Until you finally understand this truth, you will continue to feel this burden.

Why God, why God do I gotta suffer?
Why God, why do I have to endure suffering?

Pain in my heart carry burdens full of struggle
I carry pain in my heart and face countless burdens and struggles.

Why God, why God do I gotta bleed?
Why God, why do I have to experience pain and hurt?

Every stone thrown at you restin' at my feet
Every hurtful action aimed at you affects me deeply.

Why God, why God do I gotta suffer?
Why God, why do I have to endure suffering?

Earth is no more, why don't you burn this mufucka?
The world is corrupt, why don't you destroy it, God?

I beat yo' ass, keep talkin' back
I discipline you when you talk back.

I beat yo' ass, who bought you that?
I discipline you when you question where things come from.

You stole it, I beat yo' ass if you say that game is broken
I discipline you if you falsely claim something is broken.

I beat yo' ass if you jump on my couch
I discipline you if you jump on the couch.

I beat yo' ass if you walk in this house with tears in your eyes
I discipline you if you show vulnerability or cry in this house.

Runnin' from poopoo and 'prentice
Avoiding going to the bathroom and chores.

Go back outside, I beat yo' ass, lil nigga
Go back outside, I discipline you, little child.

That homework better be finished, I beat yo' ass
You better have completed your homework, or I discipline you.

Yo' teachers better not be bitchin' 'bout you in class
Your teachers shouldn't complain about your behavior in class.

That pizza better not be wasted, you eat it all
You better not waste that pizza, eat it all.

That TV better not be loud if you got it on
Don't have the TV volume too loud if you're watching it.

Them Jordans better not get dirty when I just bought 'em
Don't let your newly bought Jordans get dirty.

Better not hear 'bout you humpin' on Keisha's daughter
I better not hear about you engaging in inappropriate behavior with Keisha's daughter.

Better not hear you got caught up, I beat yo' ass
I better not hear that you got into trouble, or I discipline you.

You better not run to your father, I beat yo' ass
Don't seek comfort from your absent father, I discipline you.

You know my patience runnin' thin
You know my patience is wearing thin.

I got beaucoup payments to make
I have many payments to make.

County building's on my ass
The county building is pressuring me.

Tryna take my food stamps away
They are trying to take away my food stamps.

I beat yo' ass if you tell them social workers he live here
I discipline you if you reveal to social workers where he lives.

I beat yo' ass if I beat yo' ass twice and you still here
I discipline you if I've already disciplined you twice and you're still here.

Seven years old, think you run this house by yourself?
At seven years old, you think you're in charge of this household?

Nigga, you gon' fear me if you don't fear no one else
You will fear me even if you don't fear anyone else.

If I can smoke fear away, I roll that motherfucker up
If I could use smoking as a way to escape fear, I would do it.

And then I take two puffs
And then I would take two puffs.

I'm high now, I'm high now
I am now experiencing a feeling of being high.

Life's a bitch, pull them panties to the side now
Life is tough, so we have to adjust and face it head-on now.

I'll prolly die anonymous
I will probably die without being widely recognized or remembered.

I'll prolly die with promises
I will probably die without fulfilling my promises or potential.

I'll prolly die walkin' back home from the candy house
I will probably die while making my way back home from a dangerous situation.

I'll prolly die 'cause these colors are standin' out
I will probably die because I am associated with a particular gang or group that stands out.

I'll prolly die because I ain't know Demarcus was snitchin'
I will probably die because I was unaware that Demarcus was providing information to the authorities.

I'll prolly die at these house parties, fuckin' with bitches
I will probably die at these wild house parties, engaging with promiscuous women.

I'll prolly die from witnesses leavin' me false accused
I will probably die because witnesses who could clear my name will abandon me, leaving me falsely accused.

I'll prolly die from thinkin' that me and your hood was cool
I will probably die for believing that I was safe and accepted in your neighborhood.

Or maybe die from pressin' the line, actin' too extra
Or maybe I will die from crossing boundaries, acting overly aggressive.

Or maybe die because these smokers
Or maybe I will die because these drug addicts

Are more than desperate
Are more than willing to do anything for their next fix.

I'll prolly die from one of these bats and blue badges
I will probably die from the violent actions of police officers.

Body slammed on black and white paint, my bones snappin'
Being violently thrown onto the ground, causing my bones to break.

Or maybe die from panic or die from bein' too lax
Or maybe I will die from a state of panic or from being too relaxed and careless.

Or die from waitin' on it, die 'cause I'm movin' too fast
Or die because I've been waiting for danger to catch up, or because I've been moving too quickly.

I'll prolly die tryna buy weed at the apartments
I will probably die while attempting to purchase marijuana at the apartment complex.

I'll prolly die tryna diffuse two homies arguin'
I will probably die while trying to calm down two friends who are arguing.

I'll prolly die 'cause that's what you do when you're 17
I will probably die because that's what often happens when you're seventeen years old.

All worries in a hurry, I wish I controlled things
Feeling overwhelmed and wishing I had control over my life and circumstances.

If I could smoke fear away, I'd roll that mothafucka up
If I could use smoking as a way to escape fear, I would do it.

And then I'd take two puffs
And then I would take two puffs.

I've been hungry all my life
I have always felt a deep hunger and longing.

I'm high now, I'm high now
I am now experiencing a feeling of being high.

I'm high now, I'm high now
I am now experiencing a feeling of being high.

Life's a bitch, pull them panties to the side now, now
Life is tough, so we have to adjust and face it head-on now.

When I was 27, I grew accustomed to more fear
When I was twenty-seven years old, I became accustomed to experiencing deeper fear.

Accumulated 10 times over throughout the years
This fear continued to grow and intensify over the years.

My newfound life made all of me magnified
My new life and success made all aspects of myself more prominent and visible.

How many accolades do I need to block denial?
I wonder how many achievements and recognitions I need to shield myself from denial.

The shock value of my success put bolts in me
The unexpected impact of my success has caused me distress.

All this money, is God playin' a joke on me?
Am I being mocked by God with all this wealth and success?

Is it for the moment and will he see me as Job?
Is this success merely temporary, and will God test me like he tested Job?

Take it from me and leave me worse than I was before?
Will God take away everything from me and leave me in a worse state than before?

At 27, my biggest fear was losin' it all
When I was twenty-seven, my greatest fear was losing everything.

Scared to spend money, had me sleepin' from hall to hall
Fear of spending money had me constantly moving from place to place, never settling.

Scared to go back to Section 8 with my mama stressin'
I was afraid of returning to a low-income housing with my mother going through stressful situations.

30 shows a month and I still won't buy me no Lexus
Even with thirty shows a month, I still won't indulge in luxury items like a Lexus.

What is an advisor somebody that's holdin' my checks?
What is the purpose of an advisor who only controls my finances?

Just to fuck me over and put my finances in debt?
Just to deceive and put me in financial ruin?

I read a case about Rihanna's accountant and wondered
I came across a case about Rihanna's accountant and wondered

How did the bad girl feel when she looked at them numbers?
How did Rihanna feel when she saw the shocking numbers?

The type of shit'll make me flip out
This kind of situation would drive me to lose control.

And just kill somethin', drill somethin'
And resort to violence, to harm someone or something.

Get ill and fill ratchets with a lil' somethin'
Get angry and load guns with something harmful.

I practiced runnin' from fear, guess I had some good luck
I learned to run away from fear, and I guess I was fortunate.

At 27 years old, my biggest fear was bein' judged
When I was twenty-seven, my greatest fear was being judged.

How they look at me reflect on myself, my family, my city
How people perceive me reflects on my own identity, my family, and my community.

What they say 'bout me reveal
What they say about me reflects

If my reputation would miss me
Whether my reputation would be missed when I'm gone.

What they see from me
Their perception of me

Would trickle down generations in time
Would influence future generations.

What they hear from me
What they hear from me

Would make 'em highlight my simplest lines
Would make them emphasize even my simplest words.

I'm talkin' fear, fear of losin' creativity
I'm referring to the fear of losing my creative abilities.

I'm talkin' fear, fear of missin' out on you and me
I'm talking about the fear of missing out on opportunities and relationships.

I'm talkin' fear, fear of losin' loyalty from pride
I'm talking about the fear of losing loyalty due to my own pride.

'Cause my DNA won't let me involve in the light of God
Because of my DNA heritage, I feel disconnected from experiencing the sense of God's presence.

I'm talkin' fear, fear that my humbleness is gone
I'm talking about the fear that I have lost my humility.

I'm talkin' fear, fear that love ain't livin' here no more
I'm talking about the fear that love no longer exists in this place.

I'm talkin' fear, fear that it's wickedness or weakness
I'm talking about the fear that my actions and choices are driven by evil or weakness.

Fear, whatever it is, both is distinctive
Fear, whatever it may be, is both unique and apparent.

Fear, what happens on Earth stays on Earth
Fear, the consequences of our actions on Earth remain here.

And I can't take these feelings
And I cannot take these emotions

With me so hopefully they disperse
With me, so hopefully they dissipate.

Within fourteen tracks, carried out over wax
Within fourteen songs on this album, expressed and preserved in recorded form

Searchin' for resolutions until somebody get back
Searching for solutions until someone responds or gets back to me.

God bless you, shalom
May God bless you, peace.