Mate Spawn & Die
Lard Lyrics

Hair by mail
Buying hair through the mail.

Tit jobs for teens
Breast augmentation for teenagers.

Go broke appearing rich
Spending too much money to look wealthy.

Searching for rosebud in the fire
Looking for something that is gone forever.

Pop stars fingers in the fans
Celebrities exploiting their fame for personal gain.

The therapist you wish you had
Someone to help you deal with your problems.

Crucifix or lubricant
Religion versus sexual pleasure.

Government by fad!
Politicians following popular trends rather than doing what is best for their country.

Mate! Spawn! & Die!
The cycle of life and death.

Mate! Spawn! & Die!
The inevitability of reproduction and mortality.

My my my my...
An expression of surprise or disbelief.

Are those salmon upstream turning red
The bloody journey of the salmon during spawning season.

From shear embarassment
Embarrassment resulting in physical discomfort.

Came all this way up all them ladders
Working hard to achieve something, but losing sight of the bigger picture.

Without checking a map
Going through life without a plan.

May the farce be with you
Parodying the famous phrase from Star Wars.

In one corner of the ring
One side of a debate or argument.

That cherished myth
A false belief that people hold dear.

Falling in love magically solves
The unrealistic belief that love can cure all problems.

Every problem you've ever had
Every difficulty you have faced in life.

In the other corner
The opposing viewpoint or side.

Spoon size shredded dreams
Small hopes and aspirations that have been destroyed or forgotten.

The Gods must be lazy
The notion that divine powers are not actively involved in the world.

The movie goers must be crazy
The idea that people who enjoy popular movies have no taste.

Wrong worm, hooked again
Making the same mistake repeatedly.

Mounted on the wall in my own den
Displaying a trophy or memento in one's personal space.

I'll talk alone to a firefly
Loneliness and isolation.

Dial 1-900-Suk-Me-Dry
A reference to phone sex hotlines.

You can't throw me to the lions
Refusing to be a victim.

I'm Charlton Heston!
Referencing the famous machismo of the actor.

Yippe Ti-Yi-Yi-Yo
A phrase used in cowboy songs and stories.

Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho
The jolly laugh of Santa Claus.

What do you really want for Christmas, children?
Satirizing the commercialism of the holiday season.

"...Mmmmm...
A guttural noise expressing satisfaction or pleasure.

Nice place ya got here, darlin'
A flirtatious or lewd comment about one's surroundings.

Sure wish the hot water worked
Complaining about a basic necessity that is not functioning properly.

Gotta rinse my jizz off before mornin'
Preparing for the day ahead.

Or I'll itch for a week - "
Suffering the consequences of poor hygiene.

Rarp!
A sound effect expressing disgust.

Damn! that water's cold
Reacting to a physical sensation.

Agh!
A cry of pain or surprise.

Eeee!
Another cry of pain or surprise.

Steven Tyler
Referring to the lead singer of Aerosmith.

Of all people once said
Introducing a quote or reference.

"If men bled
A hypothetical scenario involving gender roles.

Would tampons be free?"
Challenging societal norms and expectations.

Omi'god, I gotta get goin'
Expressing a sense of urgency or anxiety.

"Now?"
Seeking clarity or confirmation.

I forgot to feed the cat
Forgetting a responsibility or obligation.