No Hair
Larry The Cable Guy Lyrics

I always get really irritated when you go out to eat, and stuff, you know. I took this girl out to eat a while back, we had a nice place.
I get annoyed when trivial things go wrong during a fancy dinner. On a past date, in a beautiful restaurant, the tray fell off keeping me busy all day. She complained about mustard stains which made me lose my cool

I'm like, "What the hell are you bitching about? I had to smoke 800 packs of cigarettes to get the jacket!" Ungrateful, is what she was.
She was being ungrateful about the mustard stains because even to buy that jacket, I had to smoke 800 packs of cigarettes. Hence, her complaint was trifling

I'd have madder than a deaf mute playing "Bingo", getting "Bingo", and trying to holler out "Bingo!". That's funny! "B5." "Nga, nga!"
I would have gotten furious, angrier than a deaf mute trying to win a game of 'Bingo' but having trouble shouting 'Bingo' having hit it, it's just something an over-exaggeration for comic effect.

I ain't gonna get married, though, I thought I was once. I met this red head, uh, no hair, just a red head, and, uh, yeah, she burnt up in a trailer fire a while back there. Yeah, it was my fault. It was her birthday and I was lighting farts, and, uh, she was a little too close to me and I singed her eyebrows, her hair burnt up and she running around the trailer and caught the trailer on fire, and I called the fire department. They couldn't find us no where and we had to meet them halfway, you know. Good thing we ran a couple red lights or we'd have lost a whole kitchen on that place there.
Although I thought I would previously, I don't want to marry now. I once had a girlfriend of red hair and bald appearance who unfortunately died in a fire. I was lighting farts with the birthday girl too close to me and I set her hair on fire which burned the trailer too that we were in, and luckily we could call the fire department before getting caught ourselves.

My Grandma been married 'bout 60 years. And, uh, she just died recently, 104, and, uh, but they saved the baby. Lord, I apologize for talking about my Grandma like that, and be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen.
My grandma lived 104 years and was married for 60 years before she died recently. The family had a baby while grandma was alive. I apologize for the commentary on my grandmother and pray for the poor pygmies in New Guinea

But, my Grandma, she'd been married about 60 years, and I was asking her about marraige, you know, 'cause she ought to know, and we was talking the other day about an hour, you know, she sitting there.
Given that my grandmother lived with her husband for six decades, I asked her about marriage since she was the right person with insights. We talked for about an hour, and she sat the whole time.

You know what she said? "Shut the door I'm trying to poop!" You believe that? And then she kept talking to me with the door there. [making struggling noises occastionally] She's like, "I don't understand why you wanna get married. You've only been dating that girl maybe two, three years at the most, there." Daggone. "Why don't you drop the chalupa, and then come on out and talk to me. I mean this is ridiculous!"
She asked me to shut the door as she wanted to use the restroom. Can you even believe it? We kept chatting while she was inside. Grandma said she doesn't see why I want to get married, considering the girl and I have spent only 2-3 years together. She asked why I didn't leave the restroom and engage in face-to-face conversation. It's all unbelievable.

And that's the thing about relatives, you know. They don't care if you're in the toilet, you know. They just walk right in on you. I was in there the other day. [makes struggling noise] Here come my sister, barging in. "I gotta get my hairspray." "Hello! McFly, hello!" Then she like, "Oooooh, it smells like crap in here!" "What do you think's coming out of my hind end? Twizzlers? Daggone, you heard me 'huuugh' going like that, didn't you? What do you think I'm doing, lifting weights in here? Daggone, I'm trying to drop a stink pickle for Pete's sake. You are harder to understand than a hairlip ordering Biggy Fries, I tell you." Haha, that's funny. "Can I help you?" "Uh, wiggy fifes?" "What the hell are wiggy fifes?" Lord, I apologize for talking about the retard ordering wiggy fifes, and be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen.
And that's the peculiarity of relatives. They would not mind walking in as you use the restroom. I was using the bathroom, here comes my sister saying she needs her hairspray. She mocked the smell saying that bathroom stinks, and I reminded her it should be obvious since I'm defecating. When she asked what it smells of, I explained that it is a bowel movement. We had a laugh about how ridiculous our conversation is. It's funny how people misspeak, just as some person placed a disallowed order of 'wiggy fifes'. Nonetheless, an apology goes to that person and prayers go out to starving pygmies in New Guinea.